


The Golden Soldier

by Katiebeth2318



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Bucky/reader - Fandom, Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Steve Rogers - Fandom, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Death, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Violence, Weapons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-07-10 23:35:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 52,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7012900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiebeth2318/pseuds/Katiebeth2318
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Y/N was literally the below average girl, doing what she could just to get by, but when black and white flashbacks, that may or may not belong to her, cause her to take a midnight stroll- she is nearly kidnapped by two men that claim they have been looking for her for two years when she is saved by a grumpy man with a metal arm.<br/>With the help of The Avengers and the threat of Hydra, Y/N will learn about her true past and what her plan in life was supposed to be. Maybe the memories and life she thought was hers, never truly exsisted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Marvel Piece ever, please let me know what you think, I have huge plans for this.  
> You can follow me on tumblr at punkisnotdead2318

Everyone dreams, talks about the perfect life. The spouse, a few children mixed in with a dog. The beautiful house on the hill, lush green grass surrounded by a stark white fence. A great job with great pay, friends and family…yes, the perfect life. Unfortunately, Y/n lived the life that most people struggled with.

A very small New York apartment with hot water that literally lasts for three minutes. An office job with laughable pay, dead parents and no close friends, not even a cat to greet her when she entered the door. 

Boring. Dull. Lifeless.

Y/n walked, sometimes crawled slowly through the world. No excitement and nothing to be proud of, so when she fought with her old and creaking front door, she sighed with a heavy heart when she entered the very silent and small apartment.

With a slam and swift flick of the wrist, the door was closed and locked. Eyes barely open, she turned and began to undress, leaving a trail of forgotten clothing.  
The cold tile of the shower floor felt great on her aching feet but the hot water on her back made her hiss when it ran over her scars. She didn’t understand how scars that were ten years old still stung horribly when met with hot water. However, she ignored it, soaked up the pain like usual and continued scrubbing her hair.

It always started as a small tingle near her eyes, like and oncoming headache, but she knew it to be something much more and much more terrifying.

Black and white flashed in her rolling eyes before settling on a scene she’d seen many times. It wasn’t like watching a movie, it was like Y/n was that person. Seeing hands, her hands? Reaching out easily breaking limbs, crushing chests and never hesitating to plunge a knife in someone’s neck when they got in the way. Like usual, she or…someone was rushing through a hallway with cemented halls. It was dark, grimy, damp with dripping water and split blood. Y/n could never make out the faces, they were always shadowed and she never heard anything.

It wasn’t till Y/n’s knees collided with the tiled floor did the scene stop. Most of the time when this happened she passed out, but passing out in the shower wasn’t ideal, so she was surprisingly thankful when she began to dry heave instead. Her stomach and lungs aching with each pull, one hand clutching her head while the other clung to the slippery wall for support. Her heaving breathing echoed around the room, her vision blurry as her mind replayed what she just saw. With the little strength she had left she pushed herself up on unsteady feet and gingerly finished her shower.

Now, as she lay in bed, all Y/n could do was stare up at the ceiling, the flashing scenes making her flinch each time she closed her eyes, the violence imprinting its self onto her eyelids.

So she got up and shrugged into a hoodie she found resting on a small chair in the corner of her room. Before she could question her actions, or outfit she left the apartment and began to walk to where, she didn’t know but she knew it would keep her eyes open.  
She walked, kicking small stones out of her way and lowering her gaze when she passed a stranger, pondering what they were doing wandering around the city at 1 am. With her hands buried deeply into her pockets, her body tensed but she kept walking when she heard a glass bottle skid across the cement behind her. She didn’t even look back, assuming it was a rat or a push from the wind.

She turned a corner and quickened her pace, shoulders hunched to keep the wind from biting at her ears, it wasn’t till she heard a light whisper that she stopped in her tracks, possibly a stupid decision, but her curiosity, along with her stubbornness made her stop and turn towards the sound. Her eyes narrowed, scanning the area and looking for anything suspicious, not finding anything thanks to the lack of lights and the heavy darkness. With a hesitant lick to her dry lips, she turned and began to walk again, this time quickening her pace and cursing herself for leaving the safeness of her little apartment. 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” She mumbled to herself and bit the inside of her bottom lips, hands clenching in her pockets. She began to let her mind wander, to think about the memories she did remember about her parents before they died in a car accident ten years ago; just as she thought about the color of her mother’s eyes, she huffed out a breath when something pushed her into the wall. The back of her head collided with brick and her eyes crossed, before she could even yell out a protest, a forearm pressed deeply into her neck, cutting off all air and any words. 

Y/n’s hands lifted and tried to pry the arm from her neck, her legs beginning to kick as her body squirmed against the brick. She wiggled and arched her back, trying to use the wall to allow her to push the person away.

“Keep her steady!” A heavily accented voice yelled, a hand reaching out and striking Y/n harshly across the face. Her head turned with the force but she didn’t stop struggling. The sound of her racing heart clouded her ears, teeth grinding together in attempts to find more strength.

She heard a deep grunt from one of the men, his harsh hands gripping her shoulders, pulling her from the wall, turning her and shoving her against the wall. The stones scratched at her squished check, body still trying to turn and see who was harassing her.

“It's been two long years, Ms. Y/L/N.” The man grounded into her neck, his hot breath scorching her skin.

Y/N tried to push back into him but his tightened grip only grew firmer, almost warning her with firm fingers and a deep chuckle.

“Now.” A voice demanded and seconds later Y/N felt a sharp pinch in her neck followed by the air leaving her lungs when a shoulder was pushed into her chest followed by being thrown over a very broad shoulder.

“Put me the hell down! I-ohhh.” Her voice trailed with a thick slur, her head growing heavy as all the blood rushed past her ears. 

She had no idea who these people were, but she knew she couldn’t go with them, drugged or not, she started to weakly kick her legs, trying to wiggle herself free.

“Fuck! Stop moving!” Her captor yelled, threading his fingers in her long hair and tugging down to keep her closer to him.

“Cuff her if you have to.” A companion voiced, his tone full of a tease, mocking his friend for not being able to handle a single girl. 

Y/N couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer and as they fluttered closed she heard a scuffle. Her body was jerked around as grunts, groans and limbs creaking echoed throughout the small alleyway. When she felt herself being harshly transferred to someone else then placed on solid ground, she pried her eyes open and even in the darkness, saw brown feathered hair covering a majority of his face, piercing, worried blue eyes and a shiny, strong…metal arm? Before she could bring in the air to let out a scream, the drug took full control and forced her into a heavy sleep.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those that sent feeback! This will be the last chapter for about a week-I go into the hospital tomorrow for surgery and will be out of it for at least a week. The next chapter is already written so I will be continuing this.

There were no sounds surrounding me. All I could hear was my own very shallow breathing, honestly, I was scared to open my eyes. The last thing I saw was a man with a metal arm standing over me with the biggest pout I’ve ever seen. But something about that arm was calling to me, I couldn’t explain it but all I wanted was to see it again-so with that in mind, I slowly opened my eyes to be met with a dimply lit room. 

It looked like I was by myself and as I peeked around, I noticed a queen sized bed with a table next to it, lamp on top. It was a simple room, quiet, but the two windows where covered heavily by incredibly thick curtains- like who ever owned the place didn’t want people seeing what was inside, or maybe it was the opposite; whoever was inside didn’t need to see what was outside the little shack.

A shaky breath left my dry lips while I tried to get up, only to be stopped by the smoothest, yet roughest voice I have ever heard. The oddest feeling melted throughout my body- I wanted to run away as fast as I possibly could but I also wanted to plop back down and ask him to speak to me forever, it was a very uneasy feeling.  
“You’ve been drugged, stay seated.”

I complied.

My frantic eyes searched desperately through the room looking for where the voice was coming from. Finally, a man, the man who helped me in the alley way, stepped out from a shadow, his entire figure covered head to toe in black, his hair now pushed to the side so I could see his face. He was stunning- a disturbing stunning. His eyes were blue, deep and so pained that I felt my hands wanting to lift and cup his face and tell him it was okay when I had no idea who he was or where I was.

“O-okay.” I mumbled, more like whispered , eyes wide. A gloved hand reached out and grabbed a wooden chair, only for it to scrape across the floor, skidding on its two side legs before landing on all four, right in front of me. His heavily booted feet stomped closer to me and I flinched away, only to watch him nearly throw himself down in the chair. 

“Why were those guys after you in the alley?” He questions but it felt like more of a demand. My head shook.

“I-I don’t know.” 

The dark fellow leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms, the light that was in the room lit up his metal arm, causing my eyes to latch onto it and not break the gaze until he sighed in annoyance.

“Look, I really don’t know. I don’t know who they are, I was just trying to go for a quick walk to get out of my apartment for a little bit, that’s all.” I rambled and only ended when I ran out of breath. I had the urge to smile up at him but I had a feeling that wouldn’t be a good idea. Apparently, everything wasn’t a good idea because before I even caught him moving, he had me up off the floor and against the wall with a metal hand around my throat, my toes barely reaching the floor.

“Who are you?” He growled and I held my breath. For emphasis he tightened his grip and pushed me further into the wall. 

“Y/N! My name is Y/N!” It wasn’t the answer he wanted and he let me know by pulling me closer to his chest only to slam me back with a yell.

“Why are guys like that chasing you!?” 

“I don’t know.” I had the strongest urge to start crying, to beg for my life, but my voice remained calm as I looked him right in the eye, pushing him to start throwing more questions.

“What have you done?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you know?”

“Nothing.” 

He snapped. Both of his hands took purchase on the collar of my sweatshirt and lifted me up the wall.

He yelled with such vigor I swear the windows shook. “Who are you?! I won’t ask again!”

“I don’t know!” I screamed back, breathing heavy as he studied my eyes. Finally, he dropped me, not pleasantly and threw himself back onto the chair.

My shoulders slumped as I slid down the wall, landing with a huff. I didn’t know who I was, it was something I was constantly looking for and have never found. I’m a loner, literally always alone and searching for something of substance because I believed there was no substance in myself-I just drifted places, went where ever the current took me.  
I sighed, eyes to the ground while my fingers began to wring each other.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t know what’s happening, all I know is someone attacked me in an alley then forced a needle in my neck. You helped me, and I thank you, but I can’t give you the answers you’re looking for.” I looked up at him and saw his tense eyes on me, listening as I spoke.

We remained silent for a few moments only for his rough voice to break through. His head tilted to the side. “They said it’s been two years, what were you doing then?”

I nearly laughed, eyes closed and head shaking. “The same thing I’m doing now.” I was ready to add that I live the most boring life and add a few sarcastic comments-but I had a very strong feeling he wouldn’t find it funny and, for some unknown reason, I didn’t want to appear lame to him. “Maybe they had the wrong person.”

“They knew your name.” He offered and this time I did laugh then muttered.

“Surprising. Hey, uh, where are we?” I shimmied till I was a bit more comfortable on the floor and looked around the room again. There were not pictures, not one ounce of personality or something special. 

This time, it seemed like he was the uncomfortable one. The man in black paused, his eyes narrowed at me, studying every feature. There was something very unsettling about him. He appeared so still, his movements quick and precise, graceful in a warrior’s way. A few questions were begging to slip from my lips but he surprised me with his answer.

“A safe house of SHIELD’s.”

I wasn’t sure what type of response he was expecting but all he got was a dead-look- those words meant nothing to me.

My right hand lifted and started to wave. “Uh, okay, I was thinking something like; north of Brooklyn or Queens… something like that.”

“We’re in New York.” He responded and I felt a small smile begin to lift my lips at his dry humor. I started to think about a ‘safe house’ and I’m most certain he relaxed further into his chair so he could watch me try to sort a few things out.

Suddenly, “Wait, SHIELD…like Captain America SHIELD.” I started, my tone growing further and further towards a questions. “Avengers SHIELD…?” I knew I struck gold when the mysterious man smirked, large arms tightening further across his chest. This whole revelation was my que. “Okay! Well, I thank you for your help, I’m gonna go home now…” I trailed and stood up, pulling down the bottom of my sweatshirt. The man stood as well and took a few steps closer to me so he towered over me. I refused to look up at him in fear that, this time, I would scream and run, or I would lower my gaze and stare at his arm that seemed to have the ability to throw me into a daze- both options were embarrassing so I decided to ignore them. I tried to step around him but stopped when his flesh hand took a hold of my upper arm, stopping me in my tracks.

“I’ll walk you back.” I wasn’t sure if it was him being a gentleman or him continuing to be suspicious of me, wanting to keep an eye on me. Either way, I shrugged and agreed.  
Together we left the small house and began to walk down the flight of stone stairs. As we walked, I found myself sticking close to him and the colder it got the more I had to scold myself every time I found myself wanting to wrap one arm around his and feed off of his body heat. I knew I couldn’t downright stare at him, so I tried my best to side eye him; his gaze was firm and focused on the street around us and even though I wasn’t touching him, I knew his body was tense, like he was ready to be attacked any moment, I guess working with SHIELD has that effect on people. 

“I’m right here.” A cold hand lifted, my pointed finger signaling to a maroon colored brick building that had absolutely no lights on. I had a feeling he already knew this was my place but as I turned to thank him for not only helping me in the alley but for the walk home, the words caught in my throat to see he was gone, the smell of leather and metal wasn’t even lingering. “Okay, yep, goodnight.” I said to the air. I climbed up the stairs and stood by my door only to rest my forehead against the wall and think about all the trouble a simple little walk caused. I rubbed at my tired eyes with a closed fist, jammed the key into the lock, struggled with the old door and nearly dropped to my knees when I saw the status of my little humble place. Papers and clothes were scattered all over the floor, tables and chairs broken, thrown against the walls and laying in a heap of shattered and splintered wood. My bed was entirely upside down, my mirrors broken. It’s when my watering eyes landed on the smashed in window did that horrible, knowing pain start to stab right in the front of my skull- before I even hit the ground, my eyes were rolling as black and white flashed before me. 

I was able to make out the dirty hallway I usually saw when the flashback first began but it fluttered out like flickering lights when a hand grabbed my throat.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know what you all think!! What are your thoughts and ideas on where you believe this is going?

Y/N was fighting for breath immediately, the hand showing no mercy on her wind-pipe. She was slammed straight to the floor, a very agile, yet large man straddled her and pinned her wiggling hips to the cold floor, his other hand trying to capture both of her flying hands, but struggling. 

A quick slap to the side of the face shocked Y/N’s system, causing her to gasp with the pain of the skin of her cheekbone splitting open. Another smack to the same side smeared the blood, some of it beginning to mix with her tears. She tried to kick harder, pushing the broken items that lay on the floor around as she squirmed. This time, the man on top of her delivered a punch straight to her jaw, resulting in a sickening crunch- that caused her to fall limp, her limbs melting into the floor. The man smiled, his grin dirty at the sight of Y/N lifeless beneath him. Her eyes were still open but glazed, all she was wishing for was to see a quick glimpse of a metal arm come bustling into the destroyed room, but it didn’t happen, not this time.

The man stood up and lightly kicked Y/N in the ribs, just to add insult to injury. Her body flinched at his touch, her hands falling from her chest to rest at her sides. She let them crawl away from her, fingertips dancing along the hardwood floor, praying to get a grasp on something that could cause enough injury to give her just a few seconds to run. Her chest heaved with a breath when she felt the stubbed end of the heavy, wooden bat she kept behind her front door.

She licked her dry lips but focused her eyes on the man that was now standing near the smashed in window with his back to her. Y/N knew she didn’t have much time, she would have to quietly and quickly get up, only to swing at him with all her life- the first strike had to be detrimental. 

He seemed to be totally occupied so Y/N sat up, biting harshly at her lips to keep the small whimpers of pain quiet, her head and face was throbbing and she nearly cried out when she felt the tickle of blood dripping down her cheek. She used the bat as a cane and pushed herself up, her breath stopping in her lungs when she slipped on a few pieces of paper, causing a loud bang of the bat against the floor and a squeak from Y/N.

The man stood straighter, head lolling to the side with annoyance as he turned. He clucked his tongue at the beaten girl who held a bat out between them and took a single step forward. 

It felt like she already missed her chance but she took a tighter grip on the wood and lifted an eyebrow making the man laugh.

Just like the men in the alley, he had a heavy accent. “Golden One, put the bat down.” He mocked and grinned. He took her as no threat and pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his black cargo pants- a mistake.

Y/N lifted the bat and, with all her might, swung at the man, hitting him perfectly on the side of the neck. He stumbled back, a horrible wheezing sound came from his throat as fell backwards in to the remaining pieces of Y/N’s desk. 

The wood splintered under his weight, his body landing with a heavy thud. His hands lifted and prodded at his neck only to gasp and choke on blood when Y/N brought the bat down heavily on his skull, once, twice, three times before she heard herself screaming, tears and blood, some her own, coating the side of her face, hands and chest.

She dropped the bat and took steps backwards until colliding with the wall. She had to get out and she had to go now-she felt wild, feral, like she was about to burst out of her skin.  
She turned and nearly skidded down the stairs, jumping over the last three and took off running. Y/N wasn’t entirely sure where to go. She could go back to that safe house but she wasn’t really sure where it was so…she headed for that tall building that loomed over New York City with a big ‘A’ on the top.

Her feet pounded across the wet cement of the nearly barren city- her sobs loud, running unsteady as she continuously reached up to try and wipe the blood and tears from her face. 

It was certain Y/N wouldn’t be able to just enter the building and scream until the man with the metal arm stepped forward to help, so, she did the stupidest thing she could think of. Stupid, probably worth getting shot on the spot, but it would cause a scene to hopefully give her the attention she desperately needed.

Stupid plan fully developed in her mind, she continued to run, right past the gate that was occupied by an armed man, past a few benches, water fountains and shrubs straight into and through a glass window, landing in a heap on a lobby floor covered in glass.

Because of the hour, a little past 3 am, the bottom floor was empty but, like she had hoped, an alarm followed by a rocketing sound filled her ears. She was too tired to cover her ears so she let the deafening sound cause more of a headache.

“Hands up!” Furious voices yelled followed by the sound of guns being armed. A very heavy, metal sound shook the floor and Y/N looked up, only to see numerous rifles aimed right at her head, and Iron Man in full armor standing right in front of her. 

Bloodied hands lifted into the air, Y/N’s head fell to the floor to see shards of glass stained red with blood.

“Ma’am, uh…” Iron Man started only to pause. Y/N’s head lifted at the sound of Tony Stark’s voice. “You kinda ran through my window.” 

“I-I’m sorry,” Y/N hesitated and stood up, causing the yelling and screaming to begin again, guns and Iron Man’s palms aimed at her.

“Don’t move!” Was screamed so harshly Y/N flinched away but broke out into sobs.

“I’m sorry! I just-I need some help I was attacked again for the second time tonight-and shit, I-that guy with the metal arm helped me today and,” she sighed, words running together, her face slick with blood and tears. “I just need his help, please, I’m sorry.” Her head shook frantically side to side, chest beginning to quake with each breath. Iron Man’s arm fell to his side just as a broad chested, blonde man skid into the room- he was accompanied by a man with dark, long hair and a metal arm.

“Breach?” The blonde nearly yelled but shut his mouth when he took in the scene. All he saw was a young woman, covered in dirt, blood and tears standing with her hands up, surrounded by broken glass, with dozens of rifles trained on her. Before he could open his mouth, his pal stepped forward.

“Y/N?” Bucky asked, taking a few more steps closer to the girl.

“Metal arm.” She nearly pleaded, her body deflating, shoulders slumping. 

Bucky’s boots stomped closer to her, his dark brows furrowed. “Lower your weapons.” He demanded to the circling SHIELD guards- they didn’t. “Lower your fucking weapons!” He hollered and took Y/N by the shoulders, the rifles around them now pointing to the floor. “What happened?”

Y/N’s eyes lifted and connected with his, it took her a few seconds and breaths to be able to form a sentence. “I got into my apartment and it was trashed, there was a guy there.” She paused and flinched away from her man in black when his hand lightly touched the busted skin on her cheek, his eyes slowly taking in the bruising of her neck and jaw, the small cut on her bottom lip. “He had an accent and…I don’t know.” She huffed and lifted her hand to accent her beaten face. She fumbled. “I beat his skull in with a bat…” Her words caused fresh tears and both hands lifted in attempts to cover her face.

“Alright, come on.” His voice was actually soft and concerned while wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He gently pulled her into his side and together they began to walk towards the blonde.

When they got closer, he called out. “Buck?”

“Steve, this is Y/N, this is who I told you about earlier.” The man…Buck- whispered to his friend, his voice low. “Y/N, this is Steve.”

Y/N mustered up small smile and nodded her head. Surprisingly, Steve reached out and took her bloodied hand in his and squeezed, he was so warm and Y/N found herself leaning towards him.

“Nice meeting you, ma’am.” He squeezed her hand again and hollered. “Stark!”

Iron Man popped his mask up and thudded closer to the three.

“This is who Bucky was telling us about earlier. This is Y/N.” Steve finished and rolled his blue eyes when Tony stepped back and dropped down into a curtsey.

“Hello, dear. I have many questions for you.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE comment! If I don't get comments, I won't continue if I think there's no intrest. Please and Thank You!!!

No one could believe Bucky did it-but he did. He asked everyone to give Y/N a minute; to allow her some time to calm down before questions were thrown at her from every direction. Steve smiled and beamed with pride, understanding that his old pal was coming back in little spurts every day; compassion and concern was something The Winter Solider didn’t possess, but Bucky did.

Tony Stark, agreed, however, he rolled his eyes just to annoy the man with the metal arm.

So now, Y/N sat on top of a metal table, legs crossed, holding a huge ice pack to her face that covered her cheek and jaw while sipping on a Capri-Sun. Blood still covered her cheek and sweatshirt, her long hair was wild and framed her face, eyes glassy.

Tony was right in front of her, all types of tools and electrical equipment scattered around her as he fixed a piece of red metal that looked like it belonged to one of his suites. 

“Who broke it?” Y/N mumbled, admitting to herself that watching the Iron Man work was distracting her from the throbbing of her face. Tony tilted his head to the side and continued to pick at a few yellow wires. 

“That bastard over there…” He shot his eyes over to Bucky, who stared at Tony with a dead glare and a small smile. “But! I can easily fix it.” His voice lifted with an egotistical arrogance, a smile curving his cheeks as he shot Y/N a wink. 

He stretched a long piece of yellow wire over Y/N’s lap and cut it off with a pair of needle nosed plyers. 

“May I?” Dr. Bruce Banner approached Y/N with a few medical items in hand. Y/N nodded, Banner was the one that apparently turned into a huge green guy when angry, according to word on the street. 

She removed the ice pack and sat up straighter, immediately frowning when Bruce winced at the damage on her face. Before he could begin to fix her up, a metal arm slowly shot forward, offering a plain black t-shirt. 

Y/N smiled at Bucky and whispered a thanks, her hands already reaching for the dirtied and bloodied hem of her sweatshirt. As she fumbled with unfolding the t-shirt with shaking hands, Bucky went back to his previous spot, next to Steve, just in time for both super soldiers to see Y/N’s back when she removed her clothing. Line and lines of jagged, raised scars covered almost the entirety of her back. Both Steve and Bucky shared a look, Bucky’s face pale with dread at the recognition that Y/N’s scars looked an awful lot like the ones that littered his own back. 

She turned forward and let Banner begin to dab up the blood on her face, quick little movements that let Y/N know Banner was sure of his work, but afraid to hurt her.  
With that in mind, Y/N smiled and lied. “It doesn’t hurt.” He sent a knowing look and slowed his movements when he got to the split area near her cheek bone. Bruce adjusted his glasses and patted the area, holding in a quick breath when Y/N flinched to the side. “Sorry.” She mumbled, sitting up straighter.

“Don’t apologize.” Bruce started and believed now would be a good time to start asking questions. “How did you get these?”

Y/N’s lips pouted even further- the whole night seemed to go so fast, a huge blur of violence and blood, some her own, most belonging to someone else. Her head shook but she noticed Tony had stopped working and both Steve and Bucky had their eyes glued to her. She knew they were all aware of the events that happened with Bucky, so she started from the moment she got into her apartment.

“My apartment was destroyed and a guy, with some type of heavy accent was waiting for me. Took me down right away, he socked me right in the jaw and I kinda lost myself, just laid there. He got up and turned his back to me, was typing something on his phone.” Bruce continued to pat away at her face but now, Steve was standing in front of Y/N, arms crossing over his broad chest as he leaned back against a metal table. “I let my hands roam and found the bat that I keep behind my door,” She paused and lowered her head, it only lifting when one of Bruce’s gentle fingers tilted her chin back up, his inquisitive eyes taking in the bruising of both her jaw and neck. “Hit him in the neck first, then, I uh, I beat his skull in.” Her voice quivered at the last few words, only her remembering the way she screamed and cried as the man’s blood splattered all over her.

“You have no idea who this guy is, not even the other one from earlier in the night?” Steve asked, his voice gentle, face stern. 

Y/N’s head shook, brows lifted. “I don’t, no. Metal ar-, uh Buck asked me earlier; I don’t know who they are or what they want. I have lived here for years and never had anything like this happen.” Bruce began to lay strips over the busted up cut on Y/N’s cheek then quickly moved to the cut on her lip, cleaning up the dried, crusted blood. On instinct, Y/N licked her bottom lip then lowered her chin and blushed when Bruce sent her the look of a disapproving father, having to dry the area again. 

“Anything specific said?” Steve tried again, his hands waved towards his friend. “During the first time, they mentioned something about two years, what about this time?”

Y/N went to shake her head but stopped mid-thought. “He, uh, he called “Golden One”…It was said in a mocking tone- he was making fun of me.” Her voice dead-panned. Bruce ran a clean, moist cloth of Y/N’s entire face, breaming with a smile.

“All fixed!” 

Y/N thanked the Doctor and looked up when Tony cleared his throat.  
“Well,” he started and paused. “As you are aware, I’m sure, your metal armed friend and I don’t get along very well,” That comment lead to everyone in the room rolling their eyes, besides Bucky who just smiled again. “With that said, I don’t trust him and I don’t trust you.”

Y/N’s jaw pushed back at his bluntness but she said nothing, Tony continued.

“You were attacked twice in the matter of, not even, three hours. Specific years and nicknames have been used for you, and you claim you have no idea what’s going on or who they are. I call bullshit, Princess, it’s time to explain, and tell the truth.”

The room remained silent for a few moments after Tony’s harsh rant but Y/N stood on her still unsteady feet.

“Alright, first off, don’t call me Princess, Mr. Stark.” She bit out, her teeth grinding, getting entirely fed up with all of the craziness that’s happened that night. “I’ve told you, I do not know who they are. Whatever they want, I don’t have- and that’s the problem, when they figure that out, I’m scared they’re going to kill me. Now, it would be nice for you to get off your high horse and knock that shit eating grin of your face and fucking help me.” She paused and heard a few giggles from the surrounding men. “If not, well, Mr. Banner I thank you for cleaning me up, Buck, thank you for literally saving my ass and the t-shirt. Captain- I thank you for your kindness. Goodnight.” With that, Y/N turned on her heel and began to walk out of the lab, only for Bucky to step forward and softly take her arm. He sent her a grim smile, his feathered hair brushing his face.

“Real nice, Tony!” Steve yelled, harshly pushing off the metal table to approach the shorter man.

Tony shrugged but held no apology, he tossed a screw driver onto the table in front of him and crossed his arms over his chest. “Can’t be trusted.”

“She’s just a kid!” Steve hollered and Y/N tried to block it out as he continued. She hated yelling, it had a tendency to make her flashbacks, or whatever they were, flare. She lifted a hand and started to finger the metal plates on Bucky’s arm, noticing how they moved and re-arranged when he would turn and clench his fist. She began to mumble to herself, her words totally eaten up by the yelling between Steve, Tony and now Mr. Banner. 

“Hydra is clearly involved in this, Stark!” Someone yelled and he responded.

“Right! And for all we know, she could be a part of Hydra, and look! We let her right into the building!”

“She’s been beaten shitless!”

“Whoa, Cap! Aren’t you gonna tell him to watch his language? Hey, don’t get angry, big guy.” Tony played, hands thrown into the air.

Y/N continued to mumble, her eyes glazing over as she stared lifelessly at Bucky’s arms, her fingers still sliding against the metal, tracing the plates and grooves. She was speaking so fast, her words a jumbled mess. Bucky tried to understand but he couldn’t hear what Y/N was saying over the yelling that was happening behind them.

“Hey.” Bucky lowered his head and whispered to her, both arms encircling her shoulders. “Y/N, come on.” He tried calling her back to him, but to his dismay, she continued to mumble, her eyes so glassy, little tears began to gather in the corners. 

Bucky looked around the room to see the three men staring at them, Tony with a waiting expression on his face, as if he had just asked Y/N a question, the three waiting. 

“Y/N?” Steve asked and she shook her head like she was trying to push thoughts away. A hand lifted and rested on her temple.

“I’m sorry-wha-“ She couldn’t even finish her sentence, the power of the flashback caused her crashing to her knees, blood pouring out of her nose before her eyes even began to roll.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep up the comments please! Thank you to those that sent feedback, it truly keeps this story going!

A dirty, wet cemented hallway clouded her vision, a hand pushing people to the side; sometimes taking them by the throat and throwing them to the floor, other times, taking them by the back of the head and slamming their temple into the wall. The bland light did a horrible job at lighting up the hallway, something Y/N was thankful for, she didn’t want to see the faces of those that had their skulls pummeled into a sturdy wall. Whoever this person was, they were in a frantic hurry- but still, Y/N couldn’t feel their hurry or fear, if there was any.

She heard whispering, someone calling her. The sound seemed to make the black and white flickering ease, soon the dull pink of her own eyelids was what she saw.

“Y/N?” Her name was called by many different voices, concern mixed with confusion heavily lacing their tones. She felt an extremely cold hand cover her forehead and without thought, she reached up and took a hold of that hand, pressing it gently further into her skin, enjoying how it seemed to immediately cool her scorching skin.

Her eyes fluttered but she felt too weak to keep them open so she let them shut. “Hey, now, try to keep them eyes open” With a little grumble, Y/N opened her eyes to see Bucky gazing down at her, his dark brows furrowed, eyes scanning her entire face. “Alright?” He whispered, he had no idea what just happened but it was obvious to see she was terrified. Y/N stiffly nodded and repositioned his metal hand to her cheek right as Bucky used his flesh hand to start patting at the trickling blood from her nose with his own dark colored shirt. 

Bucky was used to people being frightened of his arm, to not wanting to touch, to shy away, but Y/N clung to him and he wished his metal hand could feel the warmth of her skin but before he could curse himself, Y/N’s quiet, hoarse voice mumbled. “ ‘m fine.” She took in a deep, shuddering breath, other hand wiping harshly at her tired eyes while the other continued to cling onto Bucky’s metal arm.

The room was covered in a heavy silence. Bucky was just finishing up from cleaning the blood off Y/N’s face when Tony spoke.

“Okay…uh.” His lips pursed, head tilting to the side. “What the hell was that?”

Y/N groaned and let her head fall back against whatever was beneath her, soon finding it was Bucky’s thigh, her practically on top of him and on his lap. They were both on the ground and as Y/N realized Bucky went down with her, she felt herself flush even more. 

“Alright,” She started to sit up and almost forgot she had to release Bucky’s arm. Her stiff fingers unlatched themselves and she stood on shaky feet, aware of Bucky’s firm hand on her lower back. Once she was up, Steve met her and guided her to a chair, allowing her to gently sit. She stuttered. “Th-there may be one thing I didn’t tell you.”  
Tony’s palms smacked harshly to his side as he sent a ’told ya ’ look to all those that filled the room. Bruce and Steve looked at Y/N with interest, but out of sight, Bucky’s fists tightened, the plates of his metal arm sliding closer to each other- if Tony and his mouth kept running, they were all going to find themselves in an unfavorable predicament. 

“Shut it, Stark.” Steve hashed out, a silencing glare directed to Tony before turning his gaze and settling on Y/N, the firmness gone, replaced with confusion. Everyone looked like that, even Bucky, like they were all wary of her. 

Before she could begin, Dr. Banner stepped forward with a wet cloth and wiped the area around Y/N’s nose and cheek, nodding when he saw Bucky did a good job at cleaning the area already. He then stuck a short stick of cotton up her left nostril, causing Y/N to frown up at him.

“Really?” Her nasally voice asked, a small snarl on her lips. Bruce rolled his eyes and gently pulled the cotton out, only satisfied when there was no further blood.

Like his usual self, Tony motioned for Y/N to continue with a fresh wave of his hand.

“Stark…” Steve grinded out again. Not only was the Captain getting annoyed with the brash behavior of Tony, but he could see his best pal was getting pissed off as well-an angry Winter Soldier was something they didn’t need at the moment. 

Besides the frustration literally beginning to radiate from Bucky, Steve also saw an uncommon gentleness from him towards the girl, it just kept reminding him of his old Bucky.  
Steve smiled but straightened up when Y/N began.

“About six months ago, I started getting…hallucinations?” Her head shook, lips parted. “I don’t really know what they are.”

“What do you see?” Bucky shocked everyone by speaking-it was the first time he nicely spoke that night without it being only directed to Y/N or Steve. Bucky was also very familiar with flashbacks and horrid nightmares thanks to his severe PTSD.

Y/N grimaced. “Black and white-always, always,” she stressed, “the same thing. I don’t hear or feel anything, or see faces. It’s, like, first person, I see an arm shoving people down and out of the way as they hurry down a narrow hallway. It’s dark, grimy, wet with dripping water and, probably, blood.”

“And it’s always been the same?” Bruce questioned, his hands clasping in front of him so he could begin to pull at them, a nervous habit.

“Always the same-they’ve just been getting worse.” Extremely worse but she left that part out.

“Six months and you haven’t seen anyone about it?” Tony questioned and everyone was relieved to hear a calmness in his voice- maybe sympathy- he had a hard time with a few harmful memories as well.

“No, I don’t really know how to explain it to people without them thinking me mad…” Y/N paused and lifted her brows, causing everyone to share glances- they all looked the same-confused, slightly nervous, like they wanted to take a few steps back from her. 

“You usually get a bloody nose?” Steve asked, subconsciously wiping softly at his own nose.

“Usually, no, uh, most of the time, I pass out, get sick…I’m not entirely sure how I am during, I just deal with the after affects.” With those words, everyone lowered their head, finding the white tiled floor very interesting. “wh-what did I look like?”

Y/N almost didn’t want to know the answer, but she wanted to know why she sometimes had a bloody tongue when she came through.

“Like,” Bruce started, “almost like a seizure. Eyes roll back and you shake horribly. You kinda, try to talk…” He trailed, glasses being pushed up his nose. “If Mr. Barnes didn’t catch you, you would have fallen to the floor.”

“Yea, I fall, my knees and thighs are pretty bruised.” Y/N replied and turned back in her chair to send Bucky another thankful nod.

“How often does this happen?” Steve pulled a chair from a table and placed it right next to hers, eyes still glassed over with the need to understand what Y/N was trying to explain.

“Two, sometimes three times a week.” She sighed out and nearly jumped when Bruce softly stepped forward and took her wrist to collect her pulse. 

“Heart-rate is steady.” He mused.

“Yea, I’m used to it by now. I just kinda, deal with it, do my best to forget about it when I finally wake and get myself off the floor.” She laughed without humor, her words causing the four fellows to frown and not take their eyes off of her. 

Like the father he was, Steve broke the gloom that nearly suffocated the room. “Alright, well, it seems you’ve had quite a day Y/N, I think you need some rest.”

“Yea,” Y/N started, rubbing both hands over her still warm, totally worn out face. “I’m gonna head home.”

“Nooooo, no.” Steve laughed and stood from his chair, large hands resting on his hips. “You aren’t going back there, it isn’t safe.”

“Uh…okay…?” Y/N looked around the room, only feeling better when Tony nodded, agreeing Y/N should stay at the tower. 

“Come on, we’ll take you.” Steve smiled with a teasing tilt of his head. Y/N stood and wiped her palms on her thighs before waving.

“Goodnight, fellas, thank you.” Both Bruce and, surprisingly Tony, sent back sincere smiles and wishes of a good nights’ rest. As she went to leave the room, Bucky stood and walked with her, both of them heading towards Steve and the open door.

“You’ll be staying on our floor, “Steve started, his hand waving between him and Bucky. “Your room is kinda further down the hallway, though.”  
Y/N eyes widened. “Oh believe me, the room could be anywhere, I don’t care, I just need a place to crash.” 

Steve chuckled and stepped to the side once they reached the elevator, allowing Y/N to enter first. “12th floor.” He spoke softly and Y/N was shocked to see the door close. The button with 12 engraved onto it glowed a bright blue, the elevator already lifting. Y/N shot out a hand and stabilized herself on the wall at the unusual speed of the machine.  
“Takes some time to get used to.” Steve smiled and nodded towards Bucky. As Y/N looked over, she laughed when she saw Bucky holding onto the wall just like her- she assumed he hasn’t been at the tower for long, either.

“Shut up.” Bucky grumbled but Y/N was happy to see a small grin on his lips. 

“Here we are.” Steve announced when the door slid open to reveal a huge room in front of them that contained a few couches, chairs, small tables and a gigantic TV. “The kitchen is just to the left.” Steve pointed and laughed at Y/N’s face. “It’s like an apartment complex on almost every floor.” He added when they stepped out, leading Y/N to the right.

The three passed a few doors and stopped when they reached the end of the long hall way. Steve opened the door and revealed to Y/N a more than comfortable room. Dressers and a small sofa, closets, an on suite bathroom and a bed she wanted to face plant on. 

Her jaw dropped as she took a step back “I’m more than content on the couch.” She tried but snapped her mouth shut when both Steve and Bucky shook their heads.

“FRIDAY? Lights?” Steve called and Y/N fell backwards against the wall when not only the lights turned on, but a female’s voice responded.

“As you wish, Mr. Rogers.” 

“What the fuck is that!?” Y/N yelled, eyes searching the ceiling and all around the room, hand on her chest.

“That’s FRIDAY, uh, some computer thing of Stark’s.” Steve tried, it was obvious he had no idea on what FRIDAY actually was. “If you need anything, you ask her, just speak, she’ll be able to tell you where to go, she can also inform people if you need something. Alright?” He looked down at Y/N and smiled at her still curious face, eyes still suspiciously searching the place. 

“Uh, y-yea, thank you.” Y/N stepped further into the room and looked back at the boys. 

“Goodnight.” Steve smiled and Y/N responded. He left, leaving just Y/N and the darker fellow. Bucky wished he could reach out and carefully run his flesh fingers across the bruises on her jaw and neck, he was having a hard time looking away from them. 

“Goodnight, Buck. Thank you for today.” Y/N sincerely smiled. She understood Bucky to be a quiet man, reserved, not one to show many emotions so she was thankful for the slight smile and nod of his head. He took the bronzed doorknob in his hand and closed the door, fighting and almost failing at the urge to send a quick wink before shutting the door completely. 

Bucky turned away from the door, closed his eyes and sighed. With a quick shake of his limbs he took off down the hallway to his own room, only to be stopped by Steve, who was leaning against the doorframe.

“You okay, Buck?” Steve asked and as Bucky looked up, he almost winced. He couldn’t decipher Steve’s face. There was some concern and worry, but also a slight gleam of mischief and teasing. 

Bucky stumbled. “Y-yea.” Then caught himself. “I’m fine, you punk.” His voice lifted and he jokingly punched Steve in the arm. Together they entered Bucky’s rooms, FRIDAY already turning on the lights. 

“So, what are your thoughts on her?” Steve’s eyes swerved to the right to indicate Y/N, sitting harshly on the end of the bed, lip between his teeth.

“Well,” Bucky started, a quick lift of his brows. “I don’t think she has any idea what’s happening…she needs our help, Steve.” 

“No, no, I agree.” Steve’s head shook and he reinforced, comforting his friend. “She does need our help; I feel like there is much more to this.” 

“I would like here to stay here until things get cleaned up.” Bucky’s voice was almost a whisper but Steve heard every word and smiled. 

“You got it, pal.” He stood and slapped Bucky’s shoulder, making his way to the door.

“Hey.” Bucky stopped him, watching as his friend turned and leaned his shoulders against the door. “I don’t- I don’t trust Tony with her. I’m scare- I don’t want him using one of those stupid experiments to try and get in her head…” At those words both boys froze, remembering the day Tony tried it on Bucky only to lead to horrific repercussion, leaving an entire lab room and all its equipment destroyed.

“I won’t let him do that, Buck.” Steve’s jaw lowered as he promised his friend. He didn’t take his eyes off of the man in black until he lifted his eyes and nodded. 

“And, I’m worried…” He trailed, watching as Steve’s eyes darkened. “When you guys were yelling at each other, she was staring at my arm, touching it and she began to mumble.” He lifted a hand and harshly ran it through his hair, tugging at the bottoms, “Mumbling really fast, all over the place, a jumbled mess, but it was-I’m sure it was- I mean, maybe-“

“What, Buck!”

“Russian. She was mumbling in Russian.”


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to know what you all think!!

“Are you sure…I don’t-“

“I’m sure, I don’t know what she was saying because it was all over the place, everyone was yelling but, Steve, I’m sure it was Russian.” Bucky almost sounded distressed, his metal fingers began to pull at his dark locks again. He looked up at his good friend to see the Captain gazing down at the floor with a blank look.

“You think she’s a danger?”

Bucky scoffed and added. “Her a danger, no. Her in danger, yes. She flinched away from Bruce, I don’t think she’s a threat.” He shrugged his broad shoulders. “I think we just have to keep an eye on her.”

There was his protectiveness again but the darkness of Bucky’s bedroom was enough to hide Steve’s little smile. 

That smile melted off his face when he really studied Bucky’s features. He looked tired, worn down, it was easy to see there was a battle raging in his head- like there always was, but right now looked different, the guilt and shame that always radiated from Bucky looked slightly heavier at the moment. 

Steve pushed off the doorframe and sat back on the corner of Bucky’s bed. He threw an arm around his pouting friend and gave a soft nudge.

Bucky sighed and let his head sink even further, “I should have gone into the apartment with her…I had no idea there were people around but I should have scouted before leaving…”  
He was right, he should have but Steve’s chest ached for his friend. This was the Bucky that only existed behind closed doors; constantly fighting with himself, full of blame, just trying to protect those around him-not the dark, possibly evil assassin who didn’t feel a thing.

“Hey, she’s just down the hall.” Steve pointed to the side, brows lifted, head shaking with each word. “She’s at the best place right now, she’s safe.” 

“…you’re right.” Bucky rubbed a hand over his tired face, eyes rolling when Steve laughed.

“Of course, I’m right.” Steve stood and ruffled Bucky’s hair then lunged over to the doorway to avoid a hit from the metal arm. “Now, rest, Buck. It’s been a long night.”

Both fellows exchanged goodnight waves before Steve left the dark room, softly closing the door behind him.

**  
Y/N stayed standing by the door after Bucky closed it. She licked at her dry lips and rubbed her palms on the roughness of her jeans, still looking around.

She was struggling with the fact that she was now in an awesome room in the Avengers Tower. Captain America was just a few rooms away from her, she still assumed Banner and the Iron Man were downstairs in the lab…these were people she read about. People she saw on the news, sometimes being praised, sometimes being cursed and called vigilantes.

She walked over to a tall dresser and ran a finger over the polished wood, finding it spotless, no dust in sight. It wasn’t till her eyes really landed on the bed did the pure and extreme tiredness hit her. Her knees felt weak- head still throbbing, hair a mess, face still warm. She sighed and let her head roll back, ready to fall to the floor, crawl under the bed and never come out, even when they asked her.

…would she come out if Bucky asked? That thought alone made Y/N physically shake her head. He was such an odd person; secretive, mysterious, silent…dark, someone Y/N just couldn’t figure out.

She stopped the one sided conversation and reached for the button of her jeans, popping it with just a finger. She roughly threw the material on the ground, reached under her- Bucky’s shirt and removed her bra and slammed that on the ground too, her frustration from the day was beginning to ebb out, her clothes taking the brunt of it.

She pulled at the hair tie around her wrist, panting out a curse when it snapped against her wrist. She tried again and successfully tied up her hair in to a, probably, knotted pony tail.

Gentle hands brushed the top of the duvet before pulling it down along with the sheet. Light blue sheets called to her, they were probably cold and begging her body to warm them up. She slid in a leg and sighed at the feeling of cool sheets against her skin. Before she could fully get in, she jumped and nearly shrieked when there was a soft knock at the door.  
On the other side of the door, Steve hesitated, afraid she may already be asleep.

“Yea?” Y/N called, she stood and watched as the door slowly opened to reveal Steve, jumbled apology already fumbling out of his mouth when he saw Y/N only in her undies and Bucky’s shirt. 

She didn’t care, she was far too tired to care.

“Hey, I brought a pair of shorts for you.” Steve averted his eyes to the floor.

“Oh, thank you.” Y/N stepped forward and took the pair he offered. When she got closer, Steve allowed his eyes to travel up her legs, understanding that she was not lying earlier.  
Both knees were black and blue, a long scar on her right one. When his blue eyes climbed higher, he bit back a cringe at the sight of her thighs.

The otherwise flawless skin was almost entirely covered in splotched bruises, some yellow with healing while others looked fresh.

“Damn, Y/N…” Steve trailed and looked up in time to watch her shrug.

“I’m used to it by now.”

“No, that’s not okay.” He stepped forward and placed a hand on her shoulder, his warmth already invading her. All she could do was shrug again.

“It’s been happening for six months now…kinda seems like I have no other option but to get used to it.” Her tired eyes lowered to the carpet.

“Absolutely not, you’re here now.” Steve lowered his head and captured Y/N’s eyes, sending a small smile when she didn’t look away. “We’ll find a way to help.”

“Thank you.” She whispered, a smile of her own growing on her cheeks.

“Goodnight, kid.” The captain took a few steps back and took a hold of the door in his large hand.

Y/N scoffed. “I’m not a kid, I’m 25.” 

Steve just broke out into chuckles that shook his chest. “Young.” He confirmed. He took long strides into the bedroom and ruffled her hair, just like he did with Bucky. “You’re a kid.” 

He finished with a gentle pat then left the room, leaving Y/N by herself.

Y/N slipped into the shorts and snapped the elastic around her hips before heading back to the bed. She slid in without hesitation, a sigh of content leaving her lips. She reached out and went to flick the light off but stopped a few inches from the small chain.

“Uh,F-FRIDAY?” She felt odd speaking to a room with only her there. To her surprise, an English voice promptly responded.

“Yes, Ms.Y/L/N?”

“Can you turn the light off, please?”

In a few seconds, the room was covered in darkness. “Of course, goodnight.”

“Thank you FRIDAY, goodnight.”

**

Steve walked down the dark hallway, he stopped outside Bucky’s door, wanting to tell him about the bruises and scars that covered Y/N’s legs, but he stopped, noticing the door was closed and that his friend was very tired, probably already asleep…It was just a bit past 4 in the morning.

So Steve continued his quiet walk, having to pass the living room to get to the safety of his own bed. It’s when he noticed a shadowed figure sitting in the dark on the couch, he stopped and narrowed his eyes, trying to see who it was.

“Buck?” Steve whispered and felt the tension in his chest fall to the floor when a grumpy groan was the response. “What are you doing up?” He walked further into the room and fell onto the couch, sending a mocking look when his falling weight made Bucky bounce on the cushions.

Bucky wasn’t entirely sure why he was still awake, he was so tired but the odd events of the night and early morning was giving him grief about closing his eyes. He should have walked Y/N into her apartment, maybe he shouldn’t have questioned her so harshly…and maybe he shouldn’t have slammed her into a wall three or four times. He leaned back into the couch and took in the dark, quiet surroundings of the living room.

“I don’t know.” He finally responded to Steve’s question.

They sat together in silence for a few moments before Steve spoke.

“I brought Y/N a pair of shorts, and I,uh, got a look at her legs.”

Bucky’s chin pushed back at the shy, almost embarrassed tone of his friend. 

“What do you mean you got a ‘look at her legs’?” Bucky was ready to punch him, his head turning, dark eyes staring at Steve. The taunt muscles in his jaw clenched, lips pursed. 

“She, like, wasn’t wearing pants.” Steve mumbled quickly but continued so Bucky would stop glaring at him with literally black eyes and furrowed brows. “Her knees and thighs are covered in bruises. She had a pretty nasty scar on her right knee…” His tone went from reserved to wonder. “Makes me think about those scars that literally covered her back, too.” He trailed off and both men thought about Y/N’s back. It was like a map of scars. The tissue lifted and twisted, some of them an angry red while others looked like they healed years ago. Steve shook his head, pushing the image out of his mind. “I don’t know, man. We’ll figure it out.”

He stood, took Bucky by the arm and lifted him off the couch. “Go to bed.” He fondly whispered and pushed the tired man towards his own room.  
Steve did the same, noticing his body was growing heavier with each step- he couldn’t wait to rest.

**  
After a few hours of restless sleep, Y/N was lying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. She was tired, so tired but she couldn’t sleep. The sun was already up, so she had a good feeling that someone had to be up as well.

“FRIDAY?” Y/N whispered, her hands lifting to pull out the elastic from her hair.

“Yes, Ms.?”

“Is Mr. Stark or Mr. Banner down in the lab?” She wondered and sat up, pushing the thick blanket from her thighs.

“Yes, Ms…. Do you wish me to contact him?”

“Could you ask them if I could join them?” She was lonely, tired and craving the presence of someone else, even if that someone was the rude Tony Stark.

FRIDAY was silent for a few moments, Y/N actually jumping at her voice when she spoke again. “Both Mr. Stark and Mr. Banner said they would be delighted for you to join them.”

Y/N smiled but hesitated, it sounded like sarcasm coming from Tony but she was certain Bruce wouldn’t mind her being in the lab with them. 

She pushed off the bed, ignored the creaking of her bones and the aching of her knees and slowly, with the help and directions of FRIDAY, made her way to the lab.

**

Steve woke just a few hours later, the sun was slowly making its way across the carpeted floor as his eyes fluttered open. He cringed at the brightness, wanting to turn and snuggle back into his blankets, but he had to get up. He wanted to talk to Y/N more, gather Bucky and head to her apartment to see what they could find.

After getting dressed in casual, comfortable clothes, Steve left his room and walked to Y/N’s. He knocked on the door twice and waited, waiting to her Y/N call him in. He didn’t want a repeat of earlier in the morning; walking in and seeing her in her undies; a gentleman didn’t do that.

However, he heard nothing so he creaked the door open, his head peeking in. “Y/N?” He called, eyes scanning the room. She wasn’t there, and even though he wasn’t one to jump to conclusions, slight panic iced his veins.

He swiftly turned and made his way to Bucky’s room, finding it empty as well.

“FRIDAY? Where is Ms. Y/N?” His voice was stern and his fingers itched to grab onto his shield. 

“Downstairs in Mr. Stark’s lab.”

His ears perked at her answer. Tony wasn’t very nice to Y/N a few hours earlier in the morning, he was surprised to hear she had joined him. He wondered if Bucky was there as well, he had a strong feeling he was. His friend didn’t trust Tony with Y/N, possibly rightly so.

Steve hurried into the elevator and pressed the large B button, his stomach lurching as the machine began to quickly drop, taking him to the desired floor. When the silver metal doors opened, Steve smiled.

Through the large glass windows, he saw Y/N sitting on a metal table, the same from earlier in the morning, as Tony worked right next to her. The Iron Man had pieces of old suits scattered around. He was speaking to her, Y/N looking on with interest, her gaze following where ever he pointed with his yellow handled screw drive.

There was a blanket draped over her lap and her fingers where mindlessly picking at the hem as a smile and laugh came from her at something Tony said. Bruce turned from a large touch screen and sent a disapproving look, causing both Y/N and Tony to share another chuckle. 

Steve walked down the short hallway and entered the glass door, not surprised to see Bucky, still in his pajamas, sitting in the corner of the room, his eyes on Y/N. 

“Mornin’, all.” Steve greeted the group, pulled up a chair right by Y/N and heavily sat. “What are we up to this morning?”

“Tony is telling me about his suites and how he wires his…uh, thingies.” Y/N flinched at the last few words, her knowledge of technology basically non-existent.

Stark scoffed, his brown eyes shining with humor. “Thingies? This is a very…highly, seriously, advanced technological piece of machinery.” 

“Uh…yup! What he said, Cap!” Y/N grinned and straightened her back, she looked like a young child. Steve chuckled but took in her face. She was pale with a tired-like glassiness to her eyes. The Captain had the urge to ruffle her wild hair again, but he resisted and turned in his chair to look at Bucky.

“Wanna check out her apartment today?”

Without hesitation but a stern nod of his head, Bucky agreed. He stood and made his way closer to Steve and leaned against the table Y/N was currently sitting on. He crossed both arms over his chest. “When do you wanna go?” 

“When this one is ready.” Steve nodded to Y/N, “Seems to be in walking distance, I’m sure there is something left there.”

Bucky agreed, parted his lips to speak but stopped when he saw Y/N’s hand lift and start to slide over the plates of his metal arm. It was cold to the touch but so smooth. Her index finger traced a curve and trailed down to his elbow, only feeling roughness when a new plate began. 

Bucky swallowed deeply. He wished he could feel the tickle of her finger trailing over the metal. He was certain she was warm, her skin soft and gentle but the limb of gears and plates felt nothing. 

Bucky flicked his head to the side to get his dark locks out of his eyes and continued his conversation with Steve, only to see him, Tony and Bruce watching the two with wide eyes. They were frozen in their actions watching Y/N trace over Bucky’s arm; an arm that has taken many lives. What shocked them further was Bucky. He allowed her to touch the metal, to loose herself in the shiny sometimes shockingly cold material. Usually, he snapped, didn’t want anyone near him, he especially didn’t want anyone touching him.  
Bucky cleaned his throat and hid a small smile as the three snapped to attention, it was almost comical.

Y/N continued to trail her fingers over the metal as Bucky and Steve continued their conversation, it only stopping when a small clash and a gasp of excitement was heard.  
Bucky watched Steve turn his attention down then stifle a laugh. 

Instead of Bucky peeking at his own arm, he looked at Y/N, unimpressed. 

She cringed, but there was still a large smile on her lips, her cheeks still pink with excitement.

“I’m sorry, I had to.” She patted Bucky’s arm and wrapped both hands around it.

Bucky finally looked down at his arm to see a magnet, that usually stayed on the refrigerator in the kitchen, sticking to the metal, right underneath the red star.  
Anyone else would have been promptly punched in the face…or strangled. Instead, Bucky rolled his eyes and looked back to Steve, but everyone took notice of the small, little grin on his lips.

“Let’s get to that apartment.” Bucky drawled, his voice low and trying to hide the amusement cause by Y/N. 

Steve nodded then turned to Y/N. “Get dressed!” This time he did try to ruffle Y/N’s hair, only to be interrupted by Y/N lifting Bucky’s metal arm and using it as a shield.

Y/N smiled again at Bucky’s look, her shoulders lifting to hide the blush on her cheeks. “I like this thing.” She declared then released the metal limb. She jumped off the table, folded the small blanket and laid it on the table. 

She left the lab, still in Steve’s shorts and Bucky’s shirt, an unrecognizable tune whistling from her lips.

The four men stayed silent, watching her retreat. Tony whistled, brows lifted. “She’s something else, I tell ya.” He tossed a random mechanical piece onto the table and looked between Steve and Bucky. “What are you intending on finding at her apartment?”

Steve stood and pushed his large hands deep into his pockets. “I don’t know, but there’s gotta be something there. I’m sure she’ll want to get some of her stuff, too.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep the comments up! thank you to those that did comment!

Before Y/N, Steve and Bucky left for the, probably, still trashed apartment, Y/N was able to take a shower.

She let the hot water redden her skin, hoping it would clear her head of the jumbled confusion and fear of the past day. A day. It had been a single day and she already felt, knew, that her life had changed.

When she left the bathroom with a cloud of moisture smelling like roses trailing behind her, she saw a pair of SHIELD clothing resting on the corner of the bed, the dark blue fabric folded perfectly.

“Sorry to interrupt, Ms. I was able to estimate your size and had clothing sent to your room.” FRIDAY spoke softly. Y/N lifted the shirt to see ‘SHIELD’ written in block letters over the left breast, a small smile on her lips. She tightened the towel around herself and slowly began to get dressed, her eyes skirting over the clock to see it was nearly noon. 

“Thank you, Friday.” She mumbled, understanding she was putting the clothes on slower and slower. She knew she was procrastinating. She didn’t want to go back to her apartment because she knew it was a place she could never really go back to forever.

They were going to get some of her stuff and to give the fellas an opportunity to see if those that attacked her had left anything behind.

What if the man’s body was still there? What about the blood and the bat? She shivered at the thought.

After a quick sit down with Bruce to red-dress the cut on Y/N’s cheekbone, she found herself in the front seat of a polished black SUV, Bucky behind her as Steve drove. They were both in jeans and a regular t-shirt, but Y/N did see the famous shield of Captain America resting right at Bucky’s side.

“Left here.” Y/N’s voice was muffled as she chewed on a finger nail, her other handing pointing to streets and signs to help Steve with directions. “The brick building.” She finished and stayed seated in the front seat even after the boys climbed out. As Steve took a firm hold on his shield, Bucky opened the passenger door for her, offering his flesh hand and a timid smile. 

Y/N took his hand but didn’t move, she didn’t want to enter that building.

With a sigh she turned and hopped down from the SUV, her grip on Bucky’s hand not faltering even as they began to walk up the steps to get to her door.  
The closer they got, Y/N watched Steve square his shoulders and turn his Shield outwards so it led the way while Bucky’s gloved, metal hand settled on his hip, very close to the gun that was nestled in its holster. 

The moment they reached the top of the stairs and Y/N’s eyes landed on her door, she froze. It looked like it always did. Old, wooden, it would no doubt give them a hard time when they tried to open it. It looked serene, but Y/N knew when they opened it, she would be walking into an apartment that looked nothing like it used to.

Steve stepped forward and tried the doorknob, shoulder pressed into his shield as he lifted it. Y/N squeezed Bucky’s hand and fought the urge to capture it and pull it to her chest.

The Captain was able to successfully turn the knob, and with just a little bit of resistance, pushed the wooden thing open. The three stood in the doorway, peering in. No explosions or sounds was heard, but the very small apartment was dark, a ray of sunshine beaming through the window allowed them to see dust particles float around but that was it. It was eerily silent. Eerily still.

Steve was the first to enter, his body still protected by the Vibranium.

“Clear.” He called, turning his head and calling Bucky and Y/N in. On instinct, Y/N reached out and flicked the light on, her eyes slamming shut at the scene. 

It was just what she expected.

Her items were still thrown all over the place, tables broken, just piles of splintered wood. Papers, magazines and shredded books littered the floor, covered in blood and dirt. Right at their feet, was a cleaned area where it was easy to see a struggle happened. Items were pushed away from the cleared spot, little spatters of blood and scuff marks on the wooden floor- they all knew that blood was Y/N’s and the scuff marks were from the soles of her shoes as she writhed while being strangled. 

Steve licked nervously at his lips and faced Bucky, both of them sharing a look and a nod. Bucky tightened his grip on Y/N’s hand and turned towards her, lowering his neck so she would look at him. “We can wait in the hallway, if you want.” He offered, his voice gentle but unsure.

Both Steve and Bucky never had to do this before. They were SHIELD agents, doing their job, going in and taking care of business- they never had a victim with them. 

They understood, but it was taking time-Y/N is not an Avenger. She doesn’t go on missions, has no idea of the type of creatures and evil that exists in the world- they had to be careful with her.

“I’m alright, I can pack some of my things.” She assured and released Bucky’s hand, already walking towards her bed and set of dressers. She pulled a suitcase out from under her bed and began to load it with the few amount of clothes and items she actually cared out.

As Y/N did that, Bucky and Steve continued to circle the small area. It was small enough that wherever they went, they could still see or hear her pack.

Like they had expected, the body was gone, but that bat Y/N used to smash in his skull was lying right in front of the refrigerator, covered in blood and grime, even a chunk of hair and scalp, bloodied hand prints on the bottom. 

Even in their line of work, the scene of the apartment was hard to look at, especially because the girl that was beaten was just in the next room. 

“Hey, Y/N?” Steve hollered, eyes still on the bat.

“Yea?” Her voice was muffled but she stepped closer to them.

“You said he was on his phone after he”- He stopped, not wanting to finish his sentence.

It screamed in her head "After he was literally on top of you, hands around your throat."

Y/N took a step back from the area but nodded. She began to harshly wring her fingers, teeth tearing apart her chapped bottom lip.

Bucky wanted to take her hand, he would even allow her to put magnets on his arm if it could get that terrified look of pure fear off her face. 

Steve continued. “Whoever he was in contact with, took the body.” He trailed and finally lifted his eyes, taking in the actual apartment.

The things that were happening to Y/N, especially the specific type of people, had Steve, probably everyone, wondering who Y/N really was. But now, as he looked at her belongings, it appeared she was a normal gal. Books and gossip magazines filled shelves. Pictures of family, quilts that looked well loved. Candles that were half burned resting by the TV remote. 

Normal.

Y/N finished packing the small amount of belongings she wanted while Bucky and Steve continued to poke around, there was nothing left behind besides the violent mess and blood.  
Bucky stood right at the still open doorway and took in the carnage. He thought about how scared she must have been, how truly vile the situation was, his body jerking when Steve spoke, confirming their findings.

“Doesn’t look like they left anything.”

“Who is they?” Y/N whispered from the doorway of the bedroom, two medium sized suitcases resting at her feet.

“Hydra.” Bucky grinded. The word short and brash, he had an obvious dislike for that word.

Y/N leaned forward, a look of confusion all over her. “A who?”

“Hydra.” Steve spoke louder, standing up straight while crossing his arms. “A terroristic-criminal- military type organization.”

“Why the fuck here? In my home?”

Steve didn’t even scold her on the language, he was just as lost on the situation as she was. His head tilted. “Gotta figure that part out.”  
Y/N pulled harshly on her index finger and took another step back.

“Alright,” Bucky soothed, or tried to sooth. “Are you ready to go?” He stepped forward with both hands in a defensive stance. Y/N avoided eye contact but nodded- she was honestly, ready to jump out the window to get away from the sight of blood and her broken things littering the place she called home for years.

Each fella took a suitcase and Y/N slung her backpack over her shoulder, her leading the way to the SUV with shaking legs. Before Bucky could leave the apartment, he stopped, backtracked his steps and took a gentle hold of the quilt that was folded up on the couch. She was already leaving many of her things behind, there was no need to leave a quilt that looked homemade, like she had spent numerous evenings with in an apartment she may never return to. He cradled the fabric and left the apartment, quickly descending the stairs to watch Steve help Y/N into the front seat of the truck before placing her suitcase in the back. 

Steve left the back open and didn’t close it till Bucky placed the second suitcase in. Bucky traveled to the passenger door, opened it and slowly held the quilt out towards Y/N. She broke the view of her hands, watching as her fingers picked at each other, scratching the skin raw. She looked at the blanket and harshly bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying.

She lifted her gaze further and smiled tenderly at Bucky, taking in the softness of his blue eyes, the way a very small grin curled his plump lips.

“Thank you, Bucky.” She nearly whispered, little tears sticking to her long lashes. She took the blanket and could have cried out at the feel of the cool material against her hands. It was her grandmother’s quilt, handmade and Y/N cursed herself from not picking it up herself when they were still in the apartment.

In an odd way, she didn’t want to bring it, like she was scared to bring something so sweet and pure into a life she knew was now going to be filled with confusion and violence. But as Bucky watched her trace the blocked patterns, she knew she needed it with her, it was something that would bind her to her old life, when everything was simple and okay. 

“Thank you.” She said again and took a tighter grip on the quilt. Bucky nodded just once and closed the door, then climbed in the back.

Steve watched him in the rear view mirror, another beam growing as he watched his Bucky continue to come back. He was so gentle with Y/N. Bashfully sweet. But still careful, like he was having a hard time allowing himself to be something that wasn’t violent, to think of things that had nothing to do with being manipulated and hurt…always hurt. 

As they began to drive, Y/N’s eyes stayed glue to the quilt as she fingered the very small snags, while Bucky looked out the window, watching the innocent world fly by him.

He was confused with more than one thing. Y/N’s situation and who she, unknowingly, really was, was racing through his brain. But how he was reacting to Y/N was almost just as jarring.

Besides Steve, no one understood him, he was certain he didn’t understand himself either. He barely remembered who he was before Hydra; apparently, according to Steve, Bucky was cocky, funny, outgoing and so charming, girls would sometimes follow him just for a quick dance or a compliment that earned him a giggle. 

Now, he was distant, often cold. He segregated himself to keep from hurting others. He didn’t sleep because he was continuously plagued by nightmares that had him screaming into the night. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he was still tortured, sad and exhausted. He hated the metal that hung to his left; it was dangerous, so cold and a constant reminder of what had happened to him. But Y/N liked his arm. She liked to touch it, to trace it. To watch the plates and gears twist when he moved or clenched his fist. Her eyes would glaze over at the sight of the bright metal, she was so interested by it. It was not scary or dangerous to her, it was just a piece of Bucky. 

Maybe, most of the feelings she had towards his arm was free of horror because she didn’t know about him. She didn’t know who The Winter Solider was and what he had done, and it terrified him to know she would find out sometime soon.

A quick bump in the road jerked Bucky out of his abusively quick thoughts and he saw they were just a few moments away from the tower.

To keep himself from falling into another round of judgements, he focused on what they passed; taking in the different types of people in the city, the colors of the buildings and cars they passed. Soon, their SUV was slowing down to enter the guarded driveway of the place he now called home.

Together, everyone fell out of the car, only to go to the trunk, grab the luggage and bring it into the building, going straight to their floor to drop it off in the room that Y/N was staying in. They watched her place the quilt on the bed, right by the pillows, it obviously being something she cherished.

“Wanna head down to the lab?” Steve asked, understanding it seemed to be a place she liked to be, he was also almost certain a few other members of The Avengers would be there.

The three silently entered the elevator but both Steve and Bucky frowned when she didn’t quirk a smile and place a steadying hand on the wall at the speed of the machine, her tired eyes still focused on the floor. 

Steve exited first and waited for Y/N and Bucky so they could walk to the glassed in area together, a shock of red hair already visible. A few broken arrows were resting on one of the tables, so was a pair of shattered, what looked like sunglasses with a red tint.

“Sam, Nat, Clint.” Steve announced as they walked into the room. “How was the extraction?”

Sam spoke first. “Tiring, but successful.” A little, cocky smile settled on his cheeks, it growing at the sight of Y/N. “Well, well, well, who is this young lady?” He tried to reach for Y/N’s hand but stepped back with hands lifted when Bucky jumped.

“Back off, bird.”

Steve and Sam rolled their eyes at the term but Steve held out an introducing arm to Y/N.

“This is Y/N.” He smiled and introduced the three. Y/N watched their faces. They knew who she was, Tony and Bruce had probably filled the three in on what had happened the past two days.

The red head, who was absolutely stunning, sent a very unimpressed looked at Y/N while the two fellows smiled and waved, them both appearing, suddenly, adorably shy. 

“What did you guys find?” Tony asked and moved some of his items to the side of the table so Y/N could sit at a place that, very quickly, now belonged to her. 

Y/N climbed onto the table and crossed her legs, lifting her shoulders in a shrug at Tony’s question. 

“Body was gone, but there was nothing.” Steve waved his hand and pulled up two chairs, one for him and his dark haired pal. “Nothing left behind, I still, with no doubt,” He laughed humorlessly, “believe Hydra is involved. Right?” Steve turned towards Bucky, who nodded and leaned back into the chair. 

“What’s next then?” Bruce twirled a few pieces of wire in his hand and looked from face to face.

The Captain shook his head, lips pursed. “Hate to say it, but we might just have to wait for their next move, whatever it may be.”

Bucky, nor Y/N liked that option, but what could they do? They still didn’t understand the situation or know what these people wanted. Where were they? Did they have a specific base? What about a leader of some sort, they had no idea what they were truly dealing with. 

Surprisingly, Natasha, a person Y/N knew nothing about, sighed with a bored huff. 

“What’s her story then, huh?” Her green eyes landed on Y/N with an awaiting face.

Y/N’s head shook. “I don-I don’t have a story.” Her brows furrowed and all she wanted was to go upstairs and burry herself in that quilt.  
Bucky stiffened, Nat had a tendency to be very unsympathetic and harsh on the fly, he didn’t want her brashness pushing at Y/N. 

Possibly in an attempt to erase the harsh words of Natasha, Clint began to ask questions.

“Is this the first time you’ve had an issue like this?”

Y/N nodded. “Yes.”

“You don’t know them?”

“No.” 

“What about family?” Natasha asked again and felt herself wanting to take a step back at the cold look Y/N fixed onto her.

“I don’t have a family.”

“Join the club.” Another stab at Y/N from the redhead.

“My parents died years ago. Car accident.” Nine years ago, and Y/N still remembered it, however, the older she got, the shadier the memory became. 

Horribly, Natasha let out a fake laugh. “Typical story. And you weren’t in this accident?”

“What the fu”-

Y/N cut off Bucky’s shocked gasp and stood from the table. She had already gotten this from Tony, there was no way in hell she was going to get it again. 

“Oh, I was. Do you wanna see my scars?” Y/N stepped forward to the woman that leaned against the wall. “Wanna see the scar on my hairline when I was almost fucking scalped? What about the marks on my ribs from a punctured lung?” Her rigid body shook with a shiver of anger, but with open mouths, everyone in the room watched the anger literally melt off her face into pure fear. “You all want to know why these people are looking for me, I don’t know. I don’t know anything.” She ran a hand over her tired eyes. 

It was becoming too much, the constant questioning, doubt and suspicion. 

She turned her hand and began to rub her palm into her eyes, sadness causing her lips to pout.

Bucky stood from his chair, a dark eyed glare sent towards Natasha as his still heavily booted feet took him closer to Y/N. “Wanna go upstairs?” Y/N nodded. “I’ll take you up.” He refrained from placing a hand around his waist as they turned.

“Goodnight.” Y/N mumbled, making sure she made eye contact with Steve as thanks before leaving the room. 

“Goodnigh”- Steve started only to be interrupted by FRIDAY.

“Excuse me, Captain. But, Mr. Stark, there appears to be three unidentified men breaching the perimeter. Guards are on sight.”

“Thank you, FRIDAY.” Tony dropped whatever was in his hands and stepped closer to a screen against the wall. Everyone besides Y/N and Bucky joined him.

Tony tapped at the screen just once. Soon, the outside of the tower was shown, the sun had just set so it wasn’t entirely dark but three shadows were trying to skirt against the wall, arms plastered behind them.

“Damn.” Sam cursed. “Do they want to be seen?” 

“Yes.” Tony breathed, his eyes narrowing at the screen in attempts to see better. “They want us to know, they know she’s here.”


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to those that did comment!!!

Everyone, now including both Y/N and Bucky crowded closer to the screen. The three men stayed close together, their uniforms black. Every few seconds, their index fingers would push into their earpiece as they spoke, their stern lips moving quickly. 

“Get them for questioning. Buck, Clint?” Steve called to the two nodding men, his long legs taking him to the corner of the room where his beautiful, trusty shield rested. He reached for it and paused; these goons would be no problem. 

Without the shield, Steve, Bucky and Clint took off in a quick run towards the men that were already probably surrounded by SHIELD agents and their guns.

As Sam, Natasha, Tony and Bruce focused on the screen, Y/N licked at her lips and took a few quiet steps back, her eyes on them. She backed out of the area then took off in a run after Steve and the boys, trying her best to catch up but to still remain behind and unseen by them.

As assumed, when the three men stomped to a stop, they saw the proposed spies surrounding by four agents and loaded guns.

“Fall back.” Steve order and immediately, each agent dropped their guns, taking a step back to allow Steve, Bucky and Clint to enter the circle. “Cuff them, we’ll transfer to”- He was cut off by chaotic movements as only two spies smiled and whipped out their own guns, immediately pushing it into their temples and squeezing the triggers, allowing blood, brains and stark white pieces of skull to paint the cement beneath them.

Form her little hiding corner, Y/N choked on a breath and covered her face. 

The last man continued to stand and stare at the shocked faces of those that surrounded them. He chuckled just once and lifted his gun, only to stare at his empty hand after Bucky took a step forward and smacked the gun away. He took the snickering man by the collar and dropped him to the ground with a shake. Bucky crowds in and crouches over the man, his metal hand squeezing around his throat.

“Why are you here?” Bucky grounds out, his jaw clenches, Y/N watching the muscles tense. The man laughs again, the sound muffled and cut short with his lack of breath. He wiggles.

“Ah, The Winter Soldier.” 

“Shut up.” Bucky growls and shakes the man again, he is fighting the urge to smash his face into the ground beneath him. “What are you doing here?” He gets closer and places his knee on the man’s chest, leaning in just a bit. His dark blue eyes stare into the blackness of the man beneath him. Bucky watches his eyes begin to close, but they snap open and veer to the left, his smile growing larger. It’s a sick smile. A dirty grin. Disgusting, taunting. 

“Her.” He nearly spits. Bucky is a bit taken back and turns his shoulders to where the man is still looking. 

Y/N is there, standing right behind Steve and Clint against the side of the building, standing frozen and watching the mess in front of her. She looks terrified, scared, like the smallest breeze would push her over as she wobbled on unsteady legs. 

Steve turned and pulled Y/N closer to him as Clint stepped in front of the two, blocking the view.

Bucky turned back to the snickering man in time to see him lift his finger and press it into his comm. “She’s here.” He confirmed then choked when Bucky tightened his grip around the struggling man’s throat. He lifted him up and pushed him on faltering feet to the four waiting agents. They quickly cuffed his hands and ankles, his body jostling side to side as he was pushed towards an awaiting black van with dark windows. He grinned as he walked past Y/N, slowing his stride and humming with interest when he was pushed to keep moving.

“Come on.” Steve nearly whispers, his right arm tightening around her. He takes a step and notices she doesn’t follow. He looks down and sees her eyes are wide, feral. Her body is rigid, lips parted. “Hey, Y/N.” He tries to call her back to him, his chin lowering in hopes of capturing her eye and attention. Her lungs are burning, causing a severe tightness in her chest. She breaths out a drawled gasp. 

“I don’t know who…” Her head shakes, mind still elsewhere.

“I know, Y/N.” Steve soothes. “It’s alright.”

Bucky walks up to them and before he can say or do anything, Y/N continues to mumble. Her voice a mix of whispers and frightened pleas. Eyes petrified and staring right at the dark haired lad, she tries to reach for his metal arm. 

“I-I haven’t done anything, I don’t know who”-She stops herself and takes the metal in her grasp when Bucky offers it to her.

“It’s alright, Y/N.” Bucky steps closer so all she can see is himself and Steve, not the smirking bastard that continues to walk to the dark van or the dead bodies on the ground. “You’re fine.” He tries and watches as her eyes skirt between him and the Captain.

“T-they killed themselves. Wh-why? I don’t understand.” Under his arm, Steve could feel her body growing even more tense, her head beginning to shake side from side.

Bucky reaches up with his free hand and places it on her neck. “You did nothing wrong, you’re alright. Let’s go back inside, yea?”

Y/N nods her head and finds she has a hard time on getting it to stop. She hooks her arm around Bucky’s metal limb while Steve keeps a tight grasp on her shoulders. Together the three walk back into the tower while Clint keeps an eye on the van, his curious stare not leaving the vehicle until it leaves his sight. 

“Do you want to go back to the lab?” Bucky asks then nods when Y/N’s posture grows even more stern. She gives a quick ‘no’ so Bucky begins to lead the three towards the elevator. She wasn’t sure she would be able to look at the other Avengers that crowded the room.

Steve’s mind was reeling. He could see it in Y/N’s eyes; she felt vulnerable, possibly unsafe. Just plain terrified and needing to find a way to get away from it all and back to her old, simple, stable life. He wasn’t sure if he should say it but after looking down at her and the way she clung to Bucky’s arm all while scrunching down so she could remain under the weight and protection of his arm, he opened his mouth.

“Y/N, I think it would be good to maybe, start some self-defense training…” He trailed, his sentence nearly ending with a question. He looked over at Bucky, who nodded then grinned when Y/N didn’t hesitate.

“Yes.” Her head was shaking up and down again, almost like a bobble-head and that’s when Bucky noticed her teeth where chattering. Panic caused by the unknown of the situations was dissolving through her veins, causing her to quickly grow cold.

The elevator reached their floor and when they stepped out, Steve wrapped Y/N up in a warm, tight hug. “Good night, I’ll see you bright and early in the morning.” He promised and patted Bucky’s shoulder. He got back onto the elevator to get to the lab, have a talk with Natasha then the rest of the group so they could try to begin piecing things together.  
Bucky let Y/N take his arm back, her squeezing it closely to her side as she followed him to her room. He opened the door and they were greeted with a dark room, Y/N not taking a step in until Bucky turned the light on.

She cursed herself, she was scared, filled with alarm, but she was strong and being afraid to enter a room because it was dark just made her feel like a child.

She entered the room, her eyes going straight to the quilt that lay by her pillows. She let go of Bucky’s metal arm and captured the thick fabric and held it to her face, taking in a deep breath, to surround herself with the smell of the place that use to be her home. She felt the bed dip at the weight of Bucky. She peeked at him, his hair fell forward, shielding most of his face. His large, broad shoulders slumped and Y/N could feel exhaustion radiating from him.

“Why don’t you go to bed, Buck?” Y/N whispered and placed a hand on her shoulder, then it hit her. This, besides the interrogation they shared when she woke from the drug, is the first time it’s really been just the two of them, giving them the opportunity to talk. 

Bucky took in a deep breath and straightened up, pushing his hair away from his face. Y/N’s eyes took him in. He had a beautiful jawline and neck that was littered with a bit of scruff, dark, concerned brows and blue eyes that appeared so deep and tired.

He wanted to go to bed, to sleep, but the recent events of three scouts from, probably, Hydra trying a breach just to let The Avengers and Y/N know they were aware of her location, then have two commit suicide right in front of her eyes, was playing heavily in Bucky’s head. He would be needed downstairs to sit with the rest of his team, to try and figure things out. Things were confusing, not making sense and he believed they couldn’t sit around and wait for the enemy to make their next move, because the move they just made was more than Steve and the team were anticipating. 

What he also wanted, was for Y/N to rest. To get in her warm bed, snuggle into that quilt of hers and not worry about all the things that were happening. She was scared, but strong and angry. Her emotions were all over the place because she truly didn’t understand the situation, and why she was involved. 

Bucky stood and rubbed his palms on the thighs of his jeans. “We’ll all be downstairs if you need something…sleep well, Y/N.” His tone was slightly awkward, like he had never wished someone a goodnight and meant it.

He took a few steps towards the door and paused, a warmth growing in Y/N’s chest that maybe he was changing his mind and was going to sit with her a bit, but it slithered down into her stomach and disappeared when Bucky continued out the door, closing it softly behind him. 

Y/N’s shoulders slumped and she felt sluggish. A mix of being so tired with the still sizzling shock of seeing two men blow their brains out in front of her was growing heavier and heavier. Before her aching bones could settle into the soft mattress, she stood and changed out of SHIELD’s clothes and slipped back into Steve’s shorts and Bucky’s t-shirt.  
When she settled herself into the bed, blanket pulled tightly to her waist with the quilt cuddled into her cheek, FRIDAY turned the lights off.

“Thank you, FRIDAY.” Y/N mumbled, the sound sad and tired. 

“Yes, Ms… Goodnight.” She…or it, responded, Y/N’s eyes fluttering shut with questions running through her head, wondering what was happening downstairs in Tony’s lab.

**

The moment Steve marched into the glassed-in lab, Natasha jumped to her feet, cheeks pink with frustration.

“Are we running an orphanage now?” Her tone was chipped, harsh, making everyone in the room pause and look at their Captain, awaiting his reaction. 

“An orphanage?” Steve scoffed and stood closer to Natasha, his form towering over hers. “Something is happening to Y/N, something, she nor us understand. She needs help, Nat. Who knows what this could lead to, Hydra is still a danger…I won’t order you to do anything, but I am going to do anything I can to help her and keep her safe.” His arms crossed over his chest, angry blue eyes scanning the area and stating his intentions to all those that stood in the room. He waved a hand at the redhead. “What is this? This isn’t you.”

Natasha scratched at the back of her neck, an apology already tumbling from her lips. “I-I’m sorry, Steve…I’m just…I’m just tired.” The mission she, Clint and Sam had just returned from was tiring, their bodies aching and ready for rest. Steve understood, but that wasn’t an excuse. With a pat to her shoulder, expression still stern, he sent her on her way.

“Go get some rest.” Natasha nodded at his dismissal, her green eyes shifting towards the floor as she walked out of the lab, fingers already reaching for the zipper of her suit. 

Sam, Clint, Tony, Bruce and Steve remained in the room, soon to be joined by an almost nervous looking Bucky, they all took a seat.

“She’s in bed?” Steve asked and watched Bucky nod. “Good. The spy from outside has been transferred to the base just 20 miles from here, he is a guarded cell, tomorrow we can go question him. Did he say anything?”

“He knew who I was,” Bucky started, a hand lifting to rub at his eyes. “When he saw Y/N, he started to laugh, pressed into his comm and told someone she was here, which is something I think they already knew.”

“You think this was a cocky thing… They were willing to come here, let us know they are aware of her location, then kill themselves.” Clint cringed. “Who could she be for three men to try and literally kill themselves, just to prove something?”

Everyone shared a pursed lip frown, their shoulders lifting. “Is there a way to trace his comm? Find out where this person was?” Steve asked, looking at Tony who was already nodding as he mindlessly tinkered with a tool in his hand.

“I can try,” He guaranteed. “Signals will…well, hopefully, will lead back to the area. If anything I should be able to get a radius.” 

“I’m still having trouble understanding this.” Sam spoke, his voice echoing for just a few seconds. “This girl, who swears she doesn’t know who these people are or what they want…has weird…flashbacks?” He tried but continued. “Has been harassed by people, who we seem to think belongs to Hydra…”

“Sam.” Steve’s deep voice started. “I know we’ve seen some weird things, but this situation is happening so fast that I can barely get a handle on it. I don’t understand either, I just know she needs help. Whoever she truly is; it is very important to Hydra that they have her and we don’t. We’ve got to figure this out.”

“We don’t have much time.” Bucky agreed with the Captain. “It’s been just two days; I watched her get attacked and drugged in an alleyway, then she was attacked, again, in her home, only for her to come here, have a…”He struggled, him not knowing the correct word either. “A flashback, pass out, get a bloody nose, then have today happen.” His voice grew louder and harsher the more he spoke, his frustration with the situation was heating up by the second, it didn’t help that he had a hard timing figuring out how to behave in front of Y/N. 

“First step, is to question the spy tomorrow. We know he has information, just have to see if he’s willing to share it...” Tony blew a humorless huff out of his lips, a hand pushing at the muscle in his neck. 

“We’ll figure it out, we usua”-

“Captain.” FRIDAY interrupted the soldier. “You told me to notify you of Y/N- a sound of alarm has come from her room. Heart rate has increased, as well as blood pressure.”

Bucky and Steve shared a quick look before standing and shoving their chairs out of their way, their stomping feet taking them straight to the elevator that wouldn’t move fast enough for them.

When the doors finally opened, they raced down the hallway to see Y/N’s door still closed. Bucky rammed his shoulder into it, both men storming the room, only to see Y/N on the floor, blankets tangled around her legs as she stared at the floating man in the corner of the room.

“Hello, Captain, Sargent.” Vision greeted them, his voice cheerful.

“What’s going on?” Steve’s eyes looked back and forth between the still floating, glowing Vision, who walked right through the wall, and the pale looking Y/N on the floor.

“Oh, just introducing myself to Ms. Y/N.” Vision smiled again and watched as Bucky walked to Y/N and helped her up, the very intelligent man noticing how gentle the dark haired fellow was with the girl. He hummed in interest.

“Vis!” Someone shouted with a heavy accent; a woman, young, with long hair entered the room, her hands resting on her hips. “Doors! Use doors! You scared the shit out of the girl, I could feel her fear from two floors up!” 

“Ms., I am quite sorry. My intentions were not to scare you.”

“He-he’s floating…”Y/N mumbled with awe, her eyes looking at Bucky, a shaky finger pointing to the man who gently lowered himself to his feet. “…He’s red.” She finished and sent another ‘can you believe this?’ look. Y/N turned fully towards Bucky and took a hold of his metal arm. “I’m dreaming, right? This isn’t real…” Her eyes searched the room again, hoping this was a dream, she honestly, wasn’t sure how much more she could take.

“Y/N, this is Vision and Wanda.” Bucky turned her attention to those named, him allowing her to keep a hold of his arm. “They are our friends.” He kept his voice calm, doing his best to assure her everything was fine. 

Y/N nodded and licked at her lips, her feet taking a little step back.

“We’re scaring her.” Wanda spoke, her tone kind and slightly concerned. “Goodnight, Y/N, it was nice meeting you. We shall talk in the morning.” With that, Wanda took the hand of Vision, both of them leaving the room after sending polite, peaceful smiles. 

“I-I think we all just need to go to bed…”Steve trailed, his fingers squeezing the bridge of his nose. Once again, it had been a long day.

After both soldiers bid Y/N a goodnight, she settled back into her bed and pulled the quilt up to her nose, taking in a deep breath. The fabric was warm with her body heat. The material was thick and with closed eyes, Y/N traced the seams, her body growing calm as she felt her heart begin to slow.

The room was quiet and dark, perfect for her to fall into a hopefully restful sleep.

**

Y/N woke with a start, sitting up and pushing a hand into her chest. Her skin was damp, hair a mess and her wild eyes searched the room. She was upset, bothered, but she didn’t know why. Even when she tried to push at her mind to remember the dream she was having, it was literally a blank, black slate.

She fell back against the bed with a scowl, her arms hitting the mattress at her sides.

She was tired, so tired, but she now felt wild, a desperation that was making her antsy. She pushed the blankets from her body, took hold of her quilt and walked to the backpack that sat on the floor. With still unsteady hands, she reached in and pulled out a puzzle book and a pen, ready to sit in the living room and work on a puzzle until she fell asleep.  
Quietly, she left the room…after informing FRIDAY everything was alright, to walk down the hallway and see the bright blues and flashing colors of the TV playing on the walls. The TV was muted and the closer Y/N got to it, she could see Bucky sitting on the couch.

His eyes were glazed over, an expressionless look resting on his exhausted face as he just stared at the TV, not really watching it. Y/N almost turned around but hesitated.

“Hey, Buck?” Her voice was a whisper. Sweet but timid. Bucky’s body jerked, he was alert, and almost alarmed at the sound of someone calling him. He looked over at Y/N and relaxed, taking in the sight of her in Steve’s shorts, his shirt and that quilt she loved bundled in her arms, a paper back clutched in one tight fist. “Do you mind if I sit with you?”

Bucky didn’t answer, but he moved the pillow so the spot next to him was clear. He wasn’t expecting her to sit so closely, but Y/N bounded over and sat right next to him, her arm  
bumping his as she unfolded the blanket and settled it over her lap. 

“Want some?” She asked and looked at him, awaiting his answer. Again, he said nothing, but Y/N caught the little smile on his face, so she pushed the quilt over his lamp.  
She rested a pillow over her bent legs and opened the little book, Bucky looking down to see she opened to a page that had a puzzle she already started, he also noticed she was using a pen.

She was smart, clever, sure of her choices and Bucky understood she was having a hard time dealing with and comprehending that things that were happening, so if her doing a number puzzle in pen would give her back some control, then he wouldn’t say anything.

Y/N looked at the TV to see it was on the history channel, but she knew Bucky wasn’t watching it. It was just something to fill the background. She knew he had trouble sleeping, the circles under his eyes told her that, so Y/N moved a little closer to him, feeling his body grow rigid then begin to relax as time went by.

They both enjoyed the silence, it was comfortable and peaceful.

Y/N was able to fill in a few numbers before her eyes began to droop, her head leaning to the side. The moment it landed softly on Bucky’s shoulder, she shot up with a quick sigh and a whispered apology. 

Thankfully, the room was still dimply lit, because Bucky smiled and almost-almost laughed, his head turning to watch Y/N, just in time to see her head start falling towards his shoulder again.

This time, she didn’t wake, her head resting further into Bucky, her right shoulder turning in so she could fully lean into him.

She was warm, soft and in a few seconds, Bucky had noticed his breathing had mimicked hers. He looked at her hands; one was placed over her puzzle book while the other held a very loose grasp on her pen.

He let her sleep, knowing he could either wake her up and send her on her way, or pick her up himself and take her to his room. Instead, Bucky let her rest against him, enjoying the presence and pressure of someone pressed against him.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No updates without comments! I love hearing what you all think! Tell me!! Who do you think Y/N is?

They remained on the couch for a few hours, and right before the sun began to rise, Bucky looked down at Y/N again, his deep eyes taking in her features.

Her hair was pushed back from her face, the soft strands resting against his shoulder, her chest lifting and falling with deep, even breathing, but as Bucky’s gaze lowered and took in her neck, he noticed the bruises that once littered the vulnerable skin was gone. Her throat was perfectly pale, free of any marks. His metal hand lifted and a tentative, almost faltering metal index finger brushed against the stark white, cotton strip that rested on her cheekbone; Mr. Banner’s attempt to cover and heal her split cheek.

He wanted to take it off, to see if there was a cut but the moment his finger rested against her skin, Y/N sighed in her sleep, a warm breath smelling of mint brushing Bucky’s face. 

He paused and lowered his hand, understanding now would be the right time to take her to her room, he just had to figure out how to pick her up without waking her.

So, while holding his breath, Bucky slowly turned on the couch and slid his metal arm under Y/N’s folded legs, allowed her to lean even further into him, then he lifted, enjoying how she fit in his arms, her head lulling against his broad chest with each step he took.

With the help from FRIDAY opening Y/N’s door, Bucky was easily able to lower Y/N into her bed, his hand lifting the blanket around her chest then settling the quilt around her shoulders. Bucky stood to the side and watched her slowly roll onto her left side, only to cuddle further into the quilt and fall right back into a deep sleep.

Before he could allow his eyes to stare, Bucky turned and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Instead of taking his place back on the couch to stare mindlessly at the TV, Bucky turned the TV off and went to bed, almost sure he would get some sleep this time.  
**

“Wake up, Sleeping Beauty! Rise and shine!” Steve hollered as he entered Y/N’s room, his smile growing when she shot up with a loud snore, hair covering half her face.   
The startled expression on her face relaxed as she took in the super soldier standing in front of her with his hands on his hips.

She grumbled and fell back onto the bed, pulling the blankets up so they covered her head. “No.” She whined and groaned again when she felt the bed dip with Steve’s weight.

“We’ve got a lot to do today,” He started and playfully tugged at the blanket. “You get to start training today and Buck and myself have an interviewing session with the spy an”- He broke off when Y/N quickly pushed herself up, nearly elbowing Steve in the jaw.

“Can I come?” Her eyes were wide and Steve cringed, maybe he shouldn’t have told her.

“I-I don’t think that a good idea, Y/N.” He stuttered and Y/N’s brows furrowed. 

“Why not?” There was a pleading voice to her tone. She wanted to know who this man was and why he was looking for her. “I need to know what’s happening, Steve.” She trailed and watched a look of understanding cover his face, but there was still doubt and uncertainty.

He nodded. “I know.” He threw his arm over her shoulders and shook her a bit. “I know, Y/N. But we don’t know who we is, I don’t know what he’s going to say or do and I don’t want you seeing or hearing anything that’s…” He struggled for the right word, his head tilting as he stared at the carpet. “That’s disturbing.”

Y/N groaned again and face planted into Steve’s shoulder. He was protecting her, she knew that, but she was so lost in the situation and she needed some type of information now.  
“What if I don’t go in? Is there a glass window or a room I can stay in? He won’t know I’m there.”

Steve hesitated but looked at her. Her eyes had slightly watered and she looked scared, but determined.

He licked at his lips and nodded just once, smiling when Y/N smothered him with a hug.

“Now, get dressed, you start training in twenty minutes.”

**

“Are you serious?” Y/N blanched. She was standing on a mat with Steve, hands on her hips as she stared at him. They were in the basement, surrounded by fighting gear and weapons. Y/N was aware of Bucky standing behind her and she was almost certain he had a stupid smile on his face as he watched her fail miserably. “Steve, I have zero fighting skills or ability.”

“Come on, Y/N. Just show me what you’ve got.” Steve chuckled and held both hands up. 

“What I’ve got? I don’t ‘got’ anything!” Y/N shakily lifted both clenched fists while pouting at Steve’s laughter. “Steve!”

“Alright! I’m just messing with you, come here.” He waved Y/N closer and took her by the arms and turned her. He repositioned her fists and slightly turned her shoulder in. “This leg back.” He mumbled and angled her hips before patting her on the shoulder with a hummed praise. “Okay, throw a punch.”

Y/N paused. “Throw a punch? What the fuck does that even mean?”

“Language.” Steve scolded then smiled at her cluelessness. “Just punch.”

Y/N shrugged and pushed her right arm forward, she was almost certain she looked like an idiot. 

“Stay put.” Steve instructed and Y/N did as he said. He ran his hand from her right shoulder down her arm. “This needs to be a bit straighter, and when you turn and lift your shoulders, your foot will naturally lift. Try again.”

Y/N punched out again.

“Remember you need to be aware of your other hand; it needs to be protecting your jaw and neck. Scrunch your shoulders up a little. Kinda hold some tension, allows you to spring out faster.” 

Y/N did as he said and found she enjoyed following his instructions, she was becoming aware of her body. She stood up straighter and pulled her arms in, her thighs already beginning to burn as they remained bent and strong. 

“The closer you keep your arms, the easier it is to bend and dodge at the waist. Get closer to the wall.” Steve patted Y/N on the back again and pointed to a stark white wall that had green scuff marks on it.

Without thought or hesitation, Y/N walked to the wall and turned her back towards it, putting her arms up in a stance that she picked up very quickly. When she lifted her eyes, she wheezed to see both Steve and Bucky standing in front of her and the wall, tossing a few tennis balls around in their hands. 

“Dodge.” Steve smiled and threw the brightly colored ball at Y/N. She squealed and dunked, given no time to compose herself before trying to get out of the way of another ball. The balls hit the wall behind her but the faster they threw, she found herself scrambling.

“Hands up, Y/N!” Steve called, reminding her to keep her posture even as balls were being whirled at her head.

It only lasted a few more seconds, until a particularly bright green ball pelted Y/N right in the cheek, colliding with the white stripe that attempted to cover her wound.

“Shit!” Y/N hollered while holding her face, dropping to her knees and sending a glare at the boys, both of them dropping the balls from their hands and pursing their lips to keep themselves from laughing at her misfortune.

Bucky walked up to her and helped her to her feet. He placed his metal hand on the side of her neck and lightly poked at the area the ball just hit. Y/N flinched slightly to the side but Bucky had to test a previous thought. He took the corner of the white cotton strip between two fingers and carefully pulled it off and just like he thought, the cut that previously sat right on her cheekbone was entirely healed, not even a slight discoloration. 

In a matter of two to three days, all the cuts and bruising that littered her skin was totally healed and gone. 

Steve’s voice snapped Bucky out of his small daze. “Ya good?”

Y/N’s eyes narrowed at him but she nodded. “Can we do something fun? Why can’t I have a weapon or something?” 

Bucky said nothing but he scoffed with a small laugh.

“You just got hit in the face by a tennis ball and you want a weapon…”Steve deadpanned and crossed his arms over his chest.

Y/N sent a ‘duh’ look then went over to one of the racks that contained the less severe weapons. She paused in front of it then picked up a pair of nun chucks.

She began to spin it around, “See, I bet I could be cool wi”- She stopped and yelled again when she hit herself in the face, this time, both Bucky and Steve laughed out loud, not even able to contain it when she sent another glare. She put the weapon back and held the side of her face. She didn’t even hesitate, but she walked over to Bucky, took his metal hand and pressed it to the stinging side of her face. 

The cold metal immediately soothed her skin, Bucky’s eyes quickly widening with shock at how comfortable she was with his arm. He let her keep his hand pressed to her face, her eyes closed and feeling the coolness sink into her skin.

Bucky looked over at Steve, whose brows were lifted, his right cheek quirked up into a small smile. Bucky sent a quieting look and jumped at the sound of FRIDAY.

“Captain, the spy has been transferred to an interviewing room at the compound.”

“Thank you, FRIDAY.” Steve stood straighter, his grin falling from his face. He looked over at Y/N who dropped Bucky’s hand. “Are you sure you want to go?”

Y/N nodded but both boys saw her swallow with anxiety. “Yes.”

“Go on and change. We’ll meet you in Tony’s lab.” He offered and watched her leave the training room, straight to the elevator.

“She’s going?” Bucky asked when he heard the little ding of the elevator.

“Yes.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Steve.” Bucky’s voice lowered and he saw Steve nod.

“I don’t think so either, but she’ll be in a separate room, he won’t see or know she’s there. Buck, she scared, yes. But she also wants to know what’s happening.”

Bucky agreed but took a hold of Steve’s arm when his friend went to walk out. Steve stepped back and stayed at Bucky’s side, a questioning glance sent his way.

“Her bruises and cuts are all healed.”

“That’s impossible.”

“You didn’t see?” Bucky questioned and watched Steve lower his head.

No, Steve didn’t see because he was too busy watching how gently Bucky placed his hand on the side of Y/N’s neck. How nicely he helped her off the floor. Somehow, Y/N was getting Bucky to interact again and Steve was seeing his friend come back to him slowly day by day.

“The bruises on her neck are all gone, not even yellow. And the busted cheek is entirely healed, not even a scar.”

“What are you thinking?” Steve turned closer to Bucky and furrowed his brows. Bucky shook his head.

“Honestly, I don’t know. She heals like us, Steve. She unknowingly spoke some Russian, has odd…hallucinations but has absolutely zero fighting or combat skills. I mean, obviously, something has happened, most certainly by Hydra, but what? Who is she to them? What have they done?”

A quick sting of anger made Steve shiver, his long legs already carrying him to the door, in just a short thirty minutes, he would be interviewing the spy that unsuccessfully attempted to kill himself just before mocking and taunting Y/N.

“I don’t know. But we are going to find out.”


	10. Chapter Ten

After getting dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain, white t-shirt, Y/N rode the elevator down to Tony’s lab in silence. Her thoughts were running all over the place, pushing and pulling in different directions. She was anxious, wanting to see this person, this Hydra spy, and see what he had to say. She had no idea who he was or what he wanted with Y/N, so the feeling that this was going to be a bust and hold no relevance to her was finding a place in her mind and settling. 

She felt better but the minute the door slid open and Y/N was able to see through the window into Tony’s lab, she felt sick.

Bucky was all in black, his dark, feathered hair was framing his face and he looked almost lethal. Possibly getting into the mood to start an intimidating interrogation, while Steve was in his jeans and shirt, but Y/N could see it. The one that always had his head straight on his shoulders, the strong, very reliable man, looked just a bit nervous. His leg was bouncing and the sickness that was boiling in Y/N’s stomach seemed to heat up. If Steve was nervous, Y/N probably should be, too.

Quietly, Y/N slinked into the lab, her eyes skirting to Steve when he shot up from his chair and gave her a huge smile.

“All set?”

Y/N nodded and began to turn when a hand lightly clasped her arm. She turned and was surprised to see Natasha, the harsh red head from earlier.

She mumbled, “I’m, I’m sorry about earlier, I was tired and just, well, the mission,” Her heard shook as she struggled to find the correct words. “I was just.” She stopped again and cursed herself. Finally, she took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders and looked Y/N in the eye. “I’m sorry for my behavior.”

It took work for Natasha to bite her pride and Y/N saw it, so with a sincere smile, Y/N nodded and extended a hand. “Thank you. I’m Y/N.” She introduced herself properly and smiled again when the red head took her hand, both of them sharing a firm shake.

“I’m Natasha.”

They exchanged a firm nod, and that was it; no need for pettiness, arguing or hurt feelings- they were now on a clean slate.

“I’m ready.” Y/N turned back to the two awaiting boys and took a few steps forward, yells of ‘goodbye’ from Tony and Bruce following them as they began to walk out of the glassed in lab.

Y/N followed them to the huge garage that housed all types of vehicles, then heading for a black SUV, all the windows tinted. Bucky opened the passenger door, offered a hand to Y/N and helped her into the front seat before settling in the back, sitting right behind her.

The three got in, buckled their seatbelts and instead of starting the car and getting to the compound that rested a good thirty minutes away, Steve rested his palms on his thighs and looked over at Y/N.

“Are you sure you want to go?” He asked. You could almost hear it, both Steve and Bucky screaming in the head that they didn’t want her to go, the situation was far too unstable; they had no idea what this guy could say or do. And if need be, Captain Rogers could make Y/N stay at the tower but he was not her commanding officer and he understood Y/N’s need to know what was happening. 

Both fellas kept their eyes on Y/N and bit the inside of their cheeks when she answered with a single nod of her head. She dug her hands into the pockets of her sweatshirt and slumped down in the seat, causing her to barely be able to see over the dashboard. 

As they drove, Y/N kept her eyes focused on the trees and buildings flying past her window.

Steve and Bucky talked, carrying a conversation and while she didn’t pay attention to what they were talking about, Y/N listened to Bucky’s voice.

This was the most she heard him speak and she listened to the tone, the depth, the way he pronounced certain words. 

He had a beautiful voice, in an odd way. Sometimes he drawled out his sentences and Y/N had to fight herself not to turn around and stare at him as he spoke. She shuffled in her seat and nearly exploded when Bucky laughed.

Laughed, something Y/N thought she would never hear. She wished she saw his face when it happened. Did he have laugh lines? Did his blue eyes shine more than usual, did his head fall back, revealing the vulnerable skin of his throat?

Y/N sighed and dug her nails into her palms when she closed her fist.

She wasn’t sure where she was with Bucky when it came to herself. He was interesting, very unique and Y/N wanted to learn more about him but she was almost certain Bucky was very guarded and a person could only get so close. 

So Y/N did her best to ignore the comforting sound of the boys speaking and went back to looking out the window, noticing there were now no buildings. Only trees and more trees and as she sat up in the chair, Steve turned and took them onto a dirt road. Only to drive a few minutes before pulling up to a huge building that sat perfectly on a manicured lawn. The building was a steel gray with multiple windows but it was intimidating, like it was the place they kept those that caused trouble.

Before they could even get out of the car, three SHIELD agents were jogging up to the vehicle. One opened Y/N’s door and offered a hand, but took a few steps back when Bucky sent a look and helped Y/N down himself.

She stayed close to his side, a crawling feeling was sliding up her spin and to her neck, making goosebumps litter her skin. She wrapped her arm tightly around Bucky’s right arm and felt him freeze, only to loosen up almost immediately.

Bucky was getting use to her touching him, something he thought would never happen. He was comfortable with those around being wary of him, to want to stay out of the way and to certainly, almost under no circumstance, touch him. 

He pulled his own arm closer to him, causing Y/N to stick closer to his side. With Steve leading the way, they followed, watching as Steve’s attention stayed to the guard the was briefing him on the prisoner. 

They entered the building, went up a single floor and walked down a hallway.

“He’s in here, Captain. He is aware you and Mr. Barnes will be entering for questioning. Ms.,” The guard looked at Y/N and extended his hand to a door. “You can stay in here. You will be able to see and hear him, but he won’t have any access to you at all.”

“Thank you.” Y/N smiled at the man and released Bucky’s arm. The same guard opened the door and waited for Y/N but before she could enter to the room, Bucky turned her by the shoulders. 

“You can leave the room whenever…you don’t have to see or listen to him.” Bucky tried and it was almost like a warning. He lowered his jaw and waited till she lifted her gaze and looked him in the eye.

“Okay.” She smiled, Bucky noticing it didn’t reach her eyes, she continued. “I’ll be fine.” She turned and entered the room with the guard.

Bucky and Steve stayed away from the spy for a few more moments, discussing what they wanted to ask and agreeing to not get too violent with him, they needed answers and beating him to a pulp would get them nowhere. 

The best buddies looked at each other and nodded, their faces stern and showing no emotion or interest.

When Bucky entered the room, he made a point to not look at the huge glass window that nearly covered the entire wall.

Steve sat at the table, right across from the already smirking man while Bucky stayed in a corner, leaning against the wall. Mostly, he was here to observe, possibly intimidate, but this was Steve’s time to question and hold the reigns. 

“The Winter Soldier.” The man smiled, his accent thick. He leaned back into the chair and crossed his arms, his head lolling to the side, watching Bucky.

“What’s your name?” Steve tried, his hands folding neatly in front of him. The spy laughed and huffed, but answered. 

“Maxim.” He nearly spit, arms crossing even tighter.

“What were you doing at the tower?” Steve asked and let his clear blue eyes look right into the man, his jaw clenched.

Maxim laughed and sent a dull look towards the Captain. “You know why, now, where is she?”

From the next room, Y/N took a step back as the conversation swerved to her. This man, Maxim was very unusual. There was a strength to him, a fierce loyalty that made him partial and insane. The sick feeling that invaded her earlier came back, tenfold and made her take a seat in one of the steel chairs.

“I know she’s here…”Maxim trailed and began to look obnoxiously around the room, his eyes landing on the glass window and grinning, his toothless smile slinking into a disgusting grin. “Oh,” He mused, pure excitement entering his voice. “She watches.” He stated and licked at his lips.

Y/N pressed a hand over her mouth in attempts to keep quiet, it was like he could hear the sound of her breathing, could hear her heart beginning to race.

Bucky stepped in front of the glass window and growled out. “We have questions, and you need to answer them.” 

Maxim rolled his eyes, an unimpressed look returning to his face. “I answer nothing unless I see her.”

“Absolutely not.” Bucky grounded out and crowded the man, the spy getting a kick out of Bucky’s temper. 

“Always had such a temper, soldier. You never change.”

Bucky stomped even closer and took the man by the collar, immediately turning him and slamming his body into a wall. Bucky didn’t know this man, but it was now obvious and certain he worked with Hydra and had a hand in the torture of Bucky and his mind. 

“Tell us who she is.” Bucky pushed harder but Steve stayed back and let Bucky make an impact. 

Maxim laughed again and settled his gaze back on the window causing Bucky to slam him even harder into the wall. “You’ll be finding out very soon, soldier. She can’t hide forever.”  
At that Y/N stood up and got closer to the glass. This man knew, or claimed to know who she was, who she really.

“Who is she?” Bucky drawled out again, the warning in his tone very audible. 

Maxim shook his head. “Like I said, I tell you nothing unless I see her.”

“No.” Steve interrupted, stood and placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, signaling to let the man down. Bucky did let Maxim down, entirely releasing his body so the cuffed man fell to the floor in a heap. 

“Has The Winter Solider gotten a soft spot for the girl?” He taunted Bucky and full on laughed again, the sound turning quickly hysterical. “That is very good information…useful.” He cursed, the smile dropping off his face as he shimmied to his feet, the task difficult because of his cuffed wrists and ankles. He stayed against the wall but looked at the glass again, his eyes glazing over, almost like he could see Y/N through the window, could see that she was beginning to tear at the seams with fear on who she truly was. 

“She’s scared.” Maxim started and continued to stare, his voice picking up a tone of wonder and hope for the future. “It is not her who should be scared. When we get her, it’s the world that will cower in fear. And I’ll make sure of it, you two will be the first to go. I promise.”


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment!!!

Y/N felt the floor shake beneath her and as light flickered in her eyes, she thought she was going to fall to the ground, but the sound of a metal chair skidding across the floor made her eyes shoot open. Steve took Maxim’s shirt in one hand while the other clenched and delivered a bone crunching blow to the jaw, Maxim’s eyes rolling to the back of his head right before falling to the floor unconscious. 

Both Steve and Buck got closer so they could look down at him, their jaws clenched. Bucky glanced up at the window and was happy he couldn’t see Y/N. He didn’t want to see her face, he was certain it was mixture of fear and panic, but he was positive there was some anger too. 

Without a word, Steve placed a hand on Bucky’s arm and together, they walked out of the room, allowing three SHIELD agents to enter and pick up the lifeless body, only to bring him back to his cell.

Y/N remained in the room with the one other guard, her bottom lip trembling as she watched Maxim’s body literally get dragged out of the room. The cuffs on his ankles raked across the floor, a sound Y/N was almost sure she would hear for the rest of her life.

The door opened, Bucky and Steve entered, Y/N noticed they stayed a few feet away from her, not sure if crowding in and placing an arm around her shoulder was a little bit too much. Maybe she needed her space, needed a second to breath. To try and understand that this man, who was a confirmed Hydra agent knew, or believed, that Y/N was going to wreak havoc on the world. 

She refrained from making eye contact with Steve and Bucky, but she did allow her eyes to land on Bucky’s metal arm. As usual, the shiny metal made her eyes glaze over, a comforting warmth invaded her chest and before she knew it, her fingers were tracing the plates and grooves of the arm, her not even remembering taking steps across the room.   
Both fellas allowed her to stay lost in the arm and with a quick tilt of his head, Steve gave the remaining guards lingering in the hallway their que to exit the area, leaving just the three very confused and disturbed people.

Bucky watched Y/N’s face as she traced his arm, her eyes were wide and glassed over, lips parted. Her breathing was very shallow and when Y/N tried to lift her other hand to rest it on the metal arm, Bucky could see it shake. So he lightly took hold of her hand and squeezed.

“Let’s sit.” He offered. His voice was gentle, soft and sincere. Y/N nodded her head just once and took a seat on the edge of the table, her hand still clutching Bucky’s metal arm. Her head fell forward and without thought, Bucky’s flesh hand reached up and pushed the hair from her face, allowing his calloused fingers to gently brush her cheek.

She spoke, her voice wavering with a slight crack, almost like she was on the verge of tears. “Ma-maybe I should speak to him.”

“No!” Bucky spit, his voice deep and almost demanding. Steve shot him a look so Bucky reigned himself back in, giving Y/N’s hand another squeeze. “No.” He tried again. “It’s not safe.”

Both men took in a breath and really looked at her. She was still shaking, eyes wide and even though there were no tears dribbling down her shockingly pale cheeks, she looked mortified. Her chest was lifting and falling quickly with labored breathing and they were certain her heart was racing. She was vulnerable, and letting her enter a room with that disgusting creature would be a huge mistake. Maxim would take one look at her, grin with the knowledge that she was unstable, then completely massacre her mind, like sending her to the slaughter house.

Steve let out a huge breath through puffed lips and leaned against the table with Y/N, his shoulders briefly slumping just like hers. 

“Come on,” He started. He threw his left arm around Y/N’s shoulders and let his fingers poke Bucky a few times. “Let’s go home. We can talk this over with everyone, we can piece it all together.” He tried to promise, sending a small grin and a quick shake of her shoulders. He patted her arm just once and stood. He offered her a hand and pulled her up from the table, his arm going around her shoulders once again. They took a few steps towards the door then stopped to give Bucky the time to catch up to them. Y/N’s eyes remained to the floor as they walked, her trusting Steve and Bucky to safely take her to the car. She was afraid to look around the compound while walking, afraid to see someone or something that would push her further into the pit of insanity. None of this could be real, she was as harmless as it could get; she hit herself in the face with a pair of Nunchucks just a few short hours ago.

Bucky helped her into the passenger seat before throwing himself in the back, right behind her. 

As they drove, Y/N didn’t look out the window or talk, instead she stared at her hands that rested in her lap. She focused on her fingers, they were smooth, no callouses. The hands of someone that lived a life with minimal physical labor. Her hands were the complete opposite of Bucky’s. And as she thought about it, she quickly came to the understanding that she liked looking at Bucky’s hands. They were strong, rough, littered with scars and small cuts. He had the hands of a warrior; hands that were always working.

Y/N sighed and broke the gaze with her hands, only to now settle on the road ahead of them. For a few minutes she watched tall city buildings fly by them, only to see the tower with a big ‘A’ in the distance. A feeling of familiarity settled in Y/N’s stomach and she found she was eager to get in her bed and bury herself under that special quilt of hers.   
As usual, Bucky helped Y/N out of the car, and instead of entering the elevator to head to the basement, Bucky took her straight to the floor they shared with Steve. It was much more comfortable there, maybe a little less stressful. There weren’t machines, suites and lab equipment surrounding them in their living area. 

Y/N sat on the couch and expected Bucky to sit next to her, her lips frowning deeply when without a word, he turned and walked down the hallway. Y/N sat by herself, her ears perking at Steve’s voice, his words almost a whisper.

“FRIDAY, please tell everyone to meet us up here.”

FRIDAY responded and right as Steve entered the room and threw himself on the couch in front of Y/N, Bucky returned and sat right next to her, folding a leg under himself as he softly placed something over Y/N’s lap.

Her hands immediately rested on her lap and the second she felt the cool, slightly rough material of the quilt, she hiccupped with a quick sob. Her fingers picked at a few odd strings and she flinched when the tickle of a single tear streamed down her left cheek. Before Bucky could reach out and softly push the salty liquid away with his thumb, Y/N harshly wiped at her face with a solid fist, her sniffling, squaring her shoulders and straightening her spine when people began to fill into the living room. 

“Y/N…” Steve mumbled, leaning forward and resting his arms across his knees. The tears stopped but her lips continued to tremble, Steve and Bucky ignoring everyone that entered the room, their eyes softening at her quickly failing state. “Y/N, I promise, we’ll figure this out.” He nearly pleaded with her, her head shaking in agreement just before leaning into Bucky’s side.

This time, Bucky didn’t tense, he allowed Y/N to fall into him, her cheek briefly resting on his chest, but sitting up straight again when Tony, Bruce, Natasha, Wanda, Vision, Sam and Clint filled the room.

“So,” Tony asked after shuffling a few grapes in his hand then tossing one into his mouth. “What do we got?” 

Bucky immediately sent a disapproving glare at the carelessness of Tony’s tone, but Steve responded with a few mumbles to himself only to lean back against the couch. He looked tired, and he confirmed Y/N’s suspicions when he wiped a hand across his eyes. 

“Well,” His brow lift and he smacks a hand on his thigh. “He pretty much said when they, Hydra, get Y/N, the world will ‘cower in fear’.”

Everyone remained silent, just staring at Steve, their eyes occasionally slinking over to Y/N who sat lifelessly next to Bucky.

“Okay, so that doesn’t mean she belonged with Hydra, just that they know of her and want her.” Bruce added and took off his glasses, his soft eyes scanning the area. 

“So…” Sam drawled. “I’m guessing she’s…some type of weapon?” 

This time, Y/N laughed, it sounding borderline hysterical. “Me?” Her head shook side to side, shoulders lifting in a shrug. “Me a weapon?”

“What if this guy is just talking out of his ass?” Clint’s hoarse voice asked and Natasha quirked a brow in agreement.

“No.” Steve slowed. “He truly believes Y/N is dangerous, he wants her on their side. He couldn’t see her but he knew she was in the next room. When he began to talk about her…” Steve’s lips pursed and Y/N felt Bucky’s hand clench against her side. “He looked like he was in amazement of her. Of what he knew, or thought, she could do…I don’t know. I-I think he’s nuts, but this is something he truly believes in.”

Tony leans forward, finishes the chewing of his last grape and offers a few ideas, his voice hopeful. “We can work on this. We just gotta find a way into your mind. Pry things out.”

“No.” Bucky’s voice grounds. Everyone snaps their attention over to him and the dark look he’s sending over at Tony is enough to make them lower their gaze.

“No,” Steve agrees. “It’s dangerous. It…messes with things.” He trails, eyes glazing over at the memory of Tony ‘entering’ Bucky’s mind. It went extremely south very quickly. Bucky ripping IV’s and tubes from his body, screaming an awful, bloody call right before trashing the entire lab and throwing Tony through a table. 

For at least two weeks after the experiment, Bucky would find himself in a horrible nightmare each night, his voice hoarse from all the screaming, bed sheets always tangled in his limbs because he thrashed around so violently. Steve would go to his aid, sometimes so disturbed at the site of Bucky struggling he would rush to his bed, shaking Bucky, desperately trying to get him to wake so the screaming would stop. 

Bucky’s eyes had glazed over, Y/N felt him squeeze her closer to his side before whispering, mostly to himself. “Makes you remember things you once forgot.”

She looked up at him, his hair had fallen forward, covering most of his face and Y/N was grateful. She didn’t want to see the pain in his blue eyes. He was a tortured soul, that was obvious, and just like when they first met, she wanted to reach up, cup his cheek and tell him everything would be okay, but she was interrupted by Tony.

“We need to know who she really is.”

“There’s gotta be another way.” Steve sat forward again and looked around the room for suggestions. Natasha spoke.

“Wanda? Have you tried anything?”

The woman with the accent bit at her lips but nodded. “…yes, but she is incredibly blocked. It’s like a brick wall, it’s actually painful to try because she’s so guarded.”

Y/N straightened up, her brows furrowed. What was Wanda trying? 

“Guarded? I’m not doing anything; I don’t know what that means.” She frowned up at Bucky, attention going to Wanda when she spoke.

“Do you mind if I try?”

Y/N wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted to try but she nodded anyway, her grip on the quilt growing.

Wanda took a seat next to her, folded her hands on her lap and stared directly into Y/N’s eyes. Silence surrounded them but Y/N stayed still and looked back, her side growing in warmth with the pressure of Bucky pressed against her but she jerked when it felt like something began to pull at her temple. There was no pain but that was one sided.

Wanda broke off with a groan and a quick shudder of her body, head shaking.

“I can’t even see anything.” She apologized and tried again when Y/N continued to stare. “I can-um,” She paused, wanting to pick words that would cause the least confusion…the simpler, the better. “I can do things with my mind.”

“Oh,” Y/N’s brows lifted, lips pursing. “Oh, right.”

Conversation and ideas began to flow from the team, most suggestions were complete duds while others were laughable.

Y/N barely listened, her fingers ran along the seams of the quilt and she remained within herself, hearing only her own thoughts.

It started with a sound, a scratching, metal against cement. And just like she thought earlier, the sound of Maxim’s shackles dragging against the floor would forever stick in her   
mind.

She heard it, like it was happening now right in front of her. Her head tilted, eyes narrowing as she focused on nothing. She stood, the quilt tumbling from her lap and onto the floor, took two steps and dropped, her body already shaking before she rested on the floor.

*

A body was being dragged. Y/N seeing it as if it was her body, all she could see was a dirty floor moving beneath her eyes, the sound of shackles dragging and echoing down the hall one of the many things she could hear. Voices were screaming; men, heavy accents, they were angry, but the tone of taunting and mocking was present. They hooted, laughed. Yelling disgusting words and actions, some hands reaching through bars and trying to grab a hold of her as she passed. Soon, her hands entered her vision, they were cuffed, a heavy chain linking them. The cuffs were so tight, the metal bit at her skin, chaffing it and causing it to bleed, dirt and dried blood mixing with fresh crimson liquid, it dripping down the chain and patting against the ground.

A harsh hand took a hold of her chin and lifted, the face clouded by darkness, only for the being to step forward and grin in her face. He laughed and clicked his tongue at her, lips parting to speak but Y/N couldn’t hear him, all she could hear was a dark, hoarse voice calling her name, pleading with her to come back.

*

Everyone watched Y/N stand, then gasp when she fell to the floor. Bucky dropped onto his knees from the couch and tried to catch her before she could collide with the hard surface. He was able to get an arm under her neck before she landed, her body already shaking.

Bucky held her as Steve shouted out to others behind him, all of them circled the two, watching as Y/N shook horribly.

Soon, broken pants of Bucky’s name began to fall from her lips as blood rolled from her nose, Wanda dropped to her knees with a white cloth, attempting to give some pressure and stop the bleeding.

Y/N cried out, eyes rolling to the back of her head, and like slap to the face, one name pierced all of their ears. “Maxim.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment!!  
> Thank you to those that did.  
> This will be the last update for about 2 weeks, I'm going away but I will be writing.

As soon as Steve and Bucky returned from getting an incredibly groggy Y/N to bed, the entire team took a seat in the living area and stared at each other. Pure confusion laced the room, along with the fear of not knowing what was taking place.

“Okay,” Tony started, he leaned forward and rubbed a hand over his always tired eyes. “All I’m saying is…if maybe we can get into that head and move some things”-

“No Stark.” Bucky interrupted. His voice a demand, hopefully ending the idea of Tony scientifically getting into Y/N’s mind, even for just a few minutes.  
Tony’s eyes rolled before dramatically falling back onto the couch. “Then what else do you suggest?” He barked, hands in the air. “Wanda can’t safely get in…if Y/N truly doesn’t know what’s happening, how else are we to figure this out?”

“The prisoner.” Steve interjected. “He believes he knows who she is, that he knows her past and what she will do in the future.

“You think we can trust that guy?” Clint scoffed with a laugh, “He’s nuts.”

Steve sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing a hand over them. He agreed, this Maxim was nuts, but what other option did they have. He did not, under any circumstances want Tony to find a way into Y/N’s head. Sure, it would probably explain a lot of things. Like who she really was, why Hydra wanted her, what she was capable of doing, but it would come at a high cost mentally, Bucky knew that first hand.

“What do we think?” Sam started, “What are the options of who she is or what’s happening? She has these flashbacks…or whatever they are, what do we think of them?” Almost everyone tilted their head at his words, their thoughts running around quickly. “I know we tried this earlier, but now, all of us have seen it happen to her, it happened right in front of our eyes and we saw what it did to her…” Sam’s head shook, still seeing Y/N drop to her knees as she shook and tried to cling to Bucky as blood rolled from her nose. “Possibly some type of PTSD, but for that to happen, whatever she’s seeing or hearing, it’s something that’s already happened, so that leads us to who she once was and what she’s done.”

“Well, she said Maxim’s name.” Natasha tried. “He probably had a hand in her past.”

“But he said she would be wreaking havoc to earth. As in it’s something she will be doing in the future.” Steve spoke, remembering the way Maxim looked as he spoke about Y/N in a godly way. 

“What if, what she sees is the future, what’s to come, not the past?” Bruce slowed and lifted a hand to his chin, his fingers lightly pinching the skin. “Is this some type of warning…or? I don’t know.”

Bucky stayed silent, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he listened to everyone’s thoughts, all he could think about was the sound of Y/N literally crying out his name as she shook. Her voice was hoarse, broken, stuttering. Almost like she was begging him to, somehow get her out of her own mind.

Thankfully, Steve spoke, lifting the heavy curtain of confusion from the room. “It’s late. Let’s get to bed.” He smiled with closed, pursed lips, nodding a goodnight to everyone as they stood and left their floor. As soon as the elevator closed behind them, he turned to Bucky and noticed the sullen look on his buddy’s face.

“We’ll figure it out, Buck.” He roughly landed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder as he promised to try and find a solution. Steve had noticed how Bucky reacted to Y/N, his pal was so gentle with her, protective, so it was his job to do his best and try to give answers.

**

Y/N wasn’t sure how long she was out, but when her eyes finally fluttered open, she sighed with relief when she realized she was in the softness of her bed. The room was dark, cold, and still. The blinds were closed but there was no sunlight trying to reach through the slits, so Y/N figured it was late. 

She lifted a hand and rested it on her forehead, finding her skin to be warm and almost clammy. She was too hot, so under the blankets, she kicked out of her pants and sighed at the cool material against her skin.

Her eyes ached and her nose felt raw, stinging because of the blood that poured earlier but she knew all traces of the crimson liquid was gone, Bucky wouldn’t leave her with blood on her skin.

Her body felt weak so she turned onto her side and buried herself further into the mattress and under the quilt, a hum of comfort leaving her lips at the warmth. Soon, she felt herself drifting closer to sleep. 

**

Everyone had left their floor almost an hour ago, Y/N was still safely in her bed but Bucky and Steve continued to sit in the living room in the dark, just talking.

“I still don’t understand…” Bucky sighed. “All the bruising on her neck and face are entirely gone. Remember when you said you ‘got a look of her legs’?” Bucky asked, Steve noticing the glare his friend sent his way.

Steve chuckled but cut it short when Bucky’s eyes narrowed. “Yea.” His smile dropped. He cleared his throat and continued. “Her legs were covered in bruises, most looked like they were healing. But her back is literally littered in scars…why didn’t those heal?”

“Too deep?” Bucky offered then shuddered at his own words, wondering what had happened to give her scars so severely they didn’t heal properly. Y/N said she was in a horrible car accident, but a car accident wouldn’t give her scars that looked like lashings all over her back.

Steve considered Bucky’s words, a small flinch covering his face. “Could be.”

“So, what’s happened for certain wounds to heal, while others don’t?”

Steve groaned at the question. “I don’t kn”-

A scream interrupted him and before the echo could even die down, both men were off their feet and running down the hallway to Y/N’s room.

With a heavy shoulder, Bucky busted the door in for them to see Y/N standing in the middle of the room, a frantic yet shocked look on her face. The room was still dark so Steve flicked on the light. Her chest was heaving, both hands resting at the base of her neck, they could visibly see her legs shaking from where they stood. 

“I’m sorry!” Y/N yelled while taking a step to them. “I just-I don’t…”She stopped, taking in a deep breath.

“What happened?” Bucky’s deep voice, dark eyes searching the entire room. 

“I’m okay, I just, had a dream,” She huffed out but continued. “I don’t, I don’t remember what it was.” She stared at the carpet beneath her bare feet. 

It was horrible, she knew that, but she couldn’t remember what her dream was about. 

She took in a deep breath of air and as she tried to blow it out, all that happened was a huge sob leaving her lips. Tears clouded her vision so she began to rub her eyes, face contorting as she cried. Her chest heaved and she flinched when she felt an arm encircle her. 

“I don’t get what’s happening.” She whimpered and leaned into whoever was attempting to hold her, quickly finding it to be Bucky. 

“It’s alright.” Bucky tried. He tightened both arms around her and let her bury her face into his chest. He could feel her warm tears seeping into the cotton of his shirt and he cringed, lowering his head to rest his chin against her temple.

Steve stayed to the side, staying silent, just watching. It took a few seconds for the shock of seeing Bucky quickly jump at the chance to comfort Y/N, noticing how both arms were tight around her, holding her close to him as he mumbled into her hair. 

Y/N completely fell into Bucky, her breathing slowing as she felt the rise and fall of Bucky’s chest against her own, giving her something to focus on.

Steve turned off the lights then jumped at Y/N’s shriek. “No! Keep them on, please.” The terror on her face was heartbreaking, especially when she realized how desperate she sounded when she screamed, so she buried herself back into Bucky’s neck and cursed herself. Great, she was now afraid of the dark but that was the least of her concerns at the moment. 

Once the lights were back on, Steve took a step further into the room and gave himself the chance to look at Y/N’s legs. Just as he expected and as he and Bucky spoke about just minutes earlier, all types of bruising and cuts were gone, besides the long scar on her knee. Even though, it’s what he was sure he would see, his brows furrowed. Not even five days ago he saw her skin covered in dirty bruises, splotched, dark patches that looked painful…they were all gone. 

“Let’s go sit.” Steve offered and the three slowly made their way back into the living room. Y/N was still pant-less but she wrapped herself up before sitting on the couch when Bucky handed her the quilt. She thanked him with a smile then fell onto the couch, not even noticing how quickly she moved over so she could be glued to Bucky’s side. He was so warm and solid. She melted at the heat he gave off and soon, her head landed on his shoulder.

Bucky didn’t tense, but he made sure to stay still, scared that if he moved too much, Y/N would remove her head from his shoulder. He wasn’t one for physical affection, but her resting into him made him feel human. It seemed like he was a base for her, a comfort, when things began to flare up, she was usually attached to his side. 

Both fellas looked at her, taking in her features. She was balled up, resting into Bucky. Her face was pale, eyes wide as she frantically looked around, almost like something was going to jump out at her.

Her next words made both Bucky and Steve’s chest ache. It was so quiet, so gentle, so pure and true.

“I’m scared.” She admitted, head nodding against Bucky. Little tears gathered in her eyes. It may have been childish, but she felt so beaten down, so exposed, so vulnerable. She didn’t know how to handle being ‘scared’. Anger, frustration, confusion, she could deal with, but being truly scared was something she wasn’t able to help.

“You feel unsafe?” Steve’s blue eyes softened as he felt he failed. He was the Captain, he was supposed to protect everyone and give answers and plans. He wasn’t helping fast enough and that dug at him but Y/N’s head shook.

“Here, no. Within myself. I don’t understand this.” Her voice wavered and she sat up, “I don’t know what to do or how to fix what’s happening. It’s all getting out of control and there’s nothing I can do. I know you guys are Avengers, things like this happen, but I don’t GET it, I don’t, I can’t handle it.”

“We just need to figure this out.” Steve’s brows lifted at his own words. They need to figure out, it was just taking much longer than he wanted. He had said these words to almost everyone numerous times, but it was the best he could offer. “Just need to find answers.”

“What about Maxim?” Just saying his name made Y/N shiver, he was a disgusting man, sick, volatile.

“We’re going to question him tomorrow.” Steve answered and felt his fist clench at the thought of the man. His fist had a slight ache but he grinned when he understood it ached because it heavily collided with Maxim’s jaw. 

“He said he won’t answer anything until he sees me.”

Bucky laughed and patted Y/N on the shoulder. His voice lowered, sounding like gravel as he drawled. “Oh, we’ll get him to talk.”

“What if I just walk in…just be there. Maybe he will talk?” Y/N offered and both Steve and Bucky clenched at the idea. She was getting desperate, they could see that, but it was dangerous. “I mean, you’ll both be in there.” She knew they would protect her. They remained silent till Steve broke.

“We can try.” He didn’t sound very happy but he needed to start trying things out for Y/N. “Just let him see you…we can try. Maybe leave the room after.”

“He said nothing about talking to her, just asked to see her.” Bucky added but he cursed himself as he spoke. He didn’t like this idea, not one bit. He didn’t even want Maxim seeing her, just the way he spoke about her even when she was behind a thick glass was disturbing, who knew what he would be like when she was right in front of him. Bucky’s metal arm clenched and the thought of feeling Maxim’s neck crunch under his metal fingers had him smiling as he stared down at the carpet. 

“Worth a shot, he’s the only one that can probably give us some answers.” Y/N shrugged, this really did seem to be the only option. How bad could it possibly get? Both Bucky, Steve and a few guards would probably be there.

“If you’re comfortable with it.” Steve took in her features, the plan for the next day forming in his head when she nodded. 

Twenty minutes later, Steve was in bed but Y/N and Bucky still stayed on the couch. They sat in silence, a comfortable silence.

“You need to get some sleep.” Bucky mumbled but didn’t release his grip on her shoulders. Y/N agreed but she didn’t move either.

She didn’t want to go back into her room, by herself, in the dark, just to fall asleep where dreams of horrible things were able to reach her.

She was being a child, but she buried herself further into Bucky’s chest and mumbled. “I don’t want to sleep.” She excluded the part where she was afraid and remained still. She could have sworn she felt Bucky’s body relax further into the couch.

Sleep was something that evaded Bucky, no matter how tired he was, but maybe sitting on the couch with Y/N, arm around her shoulder, is what’s best for both of them at the moment. 

A few sentences were racing though Bucky’s head but he wasn’t sure what to say. He was still having a hard time expressing emotion with words, so instead of saying something stupid or cheesy that would make Y/N’s eyes roll, he tightened his grip on her shoulders, pulled a bit of her quilt across his lap, heated up at her small giggle then leaned into Y/N   
as well. 

They cuddled into each other, basking in the warmth they shared and remained silent. Listening to each other’s breathing and the almost silent ticking of the clock just down the hallway. She tried to fight it, to fight the heaviness in her eyes as they tried to close. She jumped a few times, doing whatever she could to stay awake and aware of her surroundings, but Bucky’s words made her eyes snap shut, body relaxing into him and the couch.

“You’re safe.”

Y/N was quick to fall asleep, but Bucky remained awake, thinking about the morning. 

He wasn’t happy about their plan but he did believe it was their only option. He and Steve would, of course, be in the room as well and if Bucky had to hold one of his beautiful assault rifles to Maxim’s head the entire time, he would gladly do it. He just hoped this idea wasn’t going to push Y/N deeper down into an already spiraling fall.

Bucky closed his eyes, but as he tried to listen to the comforting silence along with the pressure of Y/N’s warm body attached to his, he began to replay the conversation with Maxim in his mind. The man with the accent knew who Bucky was, The Winter Solider, along with making a comment about his never fading temper.   
It seemed Maxim had a hand in pushing Bucky into the monster he once was, but why does a man like Maxim know about both Bucky and Y/N?


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please, please comment  
> posted a longer chapter since it's been 2 weeks, I am VERYYY excited for what's coming!! Enjoy!

After an embarrassing training session and a scorching hot shower, Y/N sat on the couch with Steve, her fingers threading through her still wet hair.

In just a few short minutes, Y/N, Steve and Bucky would be taking a ride to the compound that housed their prisoner, Maxim. Her leg bounced with excitement and fear and she sent an apologizing look to Steve when he placed his palm on her thigh to keep her from shaking.

He smiled, stood and offered her a hand to help her from the couch. They met up with Bucky in the hallway and started to the trucks in the basement. The closer they got to the car, the slower Y/N began to walk, her skin growing hotter with the thought of seeing the disgusting man.

Since her arm was hooked with Bucky’s he slowed as well and finally stopped, turning towards her. “We don’t have to go.” He tried. He still wasn’t happy with this plan of letting Maxim see her.

Y/N’s head shook as she nibbled on the inside of her cheek. “I think it’s the only way to get some information.” She sounded so defeated, entirely worn out. “It’s alright.” She straightened and smiled up at Bucky, only to take a few steps and pull him with her, closer to the awaiting black truck and Steve.

As usual, Bucky helped Y/N into the passenger seat then sat in the back, watching Y/N as she stared out the window, fingers, no doubt, pulling at each other.

There was nothing to fear, she told herself. She was just going to walk into the room, let the man see her, let him mumble all he wanted. He wouldn’t be touching her, he wouldn’t even be getting close to her, so why was her chest turning a bright pink with fear?

Because he knew the truth. He knew, or claimed to know, who Y/N really was. What if the things he had to say were horrible? That she was as vile as a person as Maxim is?  
Y/N literally shook her head, ignoring the look Steve sent her and went back to staring out the window.

Sooner than she was ready for, the car turned and drove down the quiet road to a field that housed the impressive building. Passing a few guards and check points, Steve parked the car, turned it off and turned to Y/N. His lips curved into a sweet smile, like he was doing his best to show he believed everything would go as planned; no one would be harmed, excluding Maxim if he let his dirty mouth run again. 

Y/N took a deep breath then opened the door, a small gasp leaving her lips when she turned to see Bucky standing there with a waiting hand, hoping to help her down from the large truck.

Y/N smiled and took his metal hand, enjoying how it seemed to cool her skin. They hooked arms and the three made it further into the building.

A guard greeted them and filled Bucky and Steve in of the situation. Explaining that Maxim has been quiet and uncooperative. He refuses to eat or drink and has been asking to see the ‘Golden One’.

Y/N cringed at the term, understanding that Maxim and others have called her that name, her still not understanding what it meant.

With a clenched jaw, Steve nodded at the briefing and continued walking, leading both Y/N and Bucky to the glassed in room they were in before. Y/N walked into the room and froze, already feeling eyes upon her. She stepped towards the glass and looked into the room Maxim was waiting in. He couldn’t see her, there was no way he could see her, and yet, he stared right into her eyes and when Y/N took a tiny step back closer to Bucky, she watched Maxim grin.

A chill reached up her spine and she shook, only to shake out her limbs and tilt her neck side to side. Now was the time to throw the fear away. It was time to be angry, to want answers and to demand information about her life, about who she really was.

There seemed to be no other option on finding out why things were happening, this was it.  
Bucky and Steve left the room and in just a few seconds, Y/N saw them enter Maxim’s room. Steve sat at the table while Bucky stood in the corner, arms crossed over his chest and ready to strike at any moment. 

Earlier in the morning, Bucky had promised himself, if Maxim said one thing he didn’t like, he would not hesitate to attack the man.

Y/N remained safe behind the thick glass and noticed Maxim was still staring at her, entirely ignoring the two soldiers that entered his room.

“She’s here…again.” Maxim’s deep, accented voice whispered.

There was much to learn, so Steve questioned. “How do you know?”

Maxim smiled, pride lighting his face. “I can feel her.” His eyes finally broke away from the glass, only to settle on Bucky, a smug grin twisting his features. “But as stated earlier. I will not speak unless I see her.” He crossed his long arms over his chest and leaned back into the chair, head tilting to the side in a sort of challenge. 

Disdain on his face, Steve sighed and looked back to Bucky, watching as the dark haired man gave a very slight, stern nod. Internally, Steve groaned and looked at the glass window, giving Y/N the signal to come into the room with them.

Led by a guard, the door slowly opened and Y/N slinked in. At the sound of heavy chains clashing with a cement floor, Y/N skipped back a step and winced at the sound of Steve’s metal chair skidding across the floor. Maxim had fallen to his knees at Y/N’s appearance, his cuffed hands clasped together as he began to mumble in heavy Russian. His voice low, words scattered and frantic. It was a mixture of prays and pleas, eyes squeezed shut as he acted like he was in the presence of a God-like being.

Incredibly unsure of the entire situation, Y/N made eye contact with Steve, who was still standing, his body and now Bucky’s between the scared girl and the crazed man on his knees. 

Steve shrugged but put a hand out, wanting Y/N to keep her distance.

“Get up.” Steve’s voice dropped, the stern soldier got closer to Maxim, knowing this man needed to get up before Bucky lifted him and threw him back into the chair. 

At the harsh words directed to him, like a snap, Maxim stopped his disoriented mumbling and froze, his body eerily still. Shoulders still hunched over, he tilted his head and sent up a glare through his dark lashes. Slowly and still chained, he sat himself back in the chair, all traces of a frantic and hysterical man gone, replaced by a smug look and deep black eyes that bore into Y/N.

Y/N blanched at the look Maxim sent her, her brows furrowing as extreme hatred mixed with a crazed type of love, possible obsession, bleed from him and into her. Y/N licked at her dry lips and pressed a hand into the base of her throat where she could feel her heart racing. She felt sick, but so interested, almost in a daze as they stared at each other.  
“Okay.” Bucky whispered and stepped closer to her so her face was almost pressed into his shoulder. The smell of leather and metal filled her senses as she shook herself out of her stupor, head tilting up to look at Bucky. He noticed how lost she looked, very insecure and hesitant of what was happening around her. 

Y/N nodded and stepped out of the room, only to be rushed into the glass protected room by a large, protective arm around her shoulders when Maxim rushed to his feet. Yelling, metal screaming, an obvious scuffle flowed from the room, causing Y/N to rush up to the glass and take in the scene. 

Bucky had his metal forearm securely pressed into the throat of Maxim as he thrashed against the wall, his screaming in Russian causing Y/N’s ears to sting. It looked like Maxim wasn’t try to fight or harm Bucky, but to rip the chains and cuffs from his hands and ankles that were beginning to bleed, only to race out of the room to land his panicked eyes on Y/N again. 

“I will not speak to anyone but her!” Maxim screamed and arched off the wall only to be slammed back harshly by a clenched jaw Bucky. Knowing he wasn’t going to get anywhere, Maxim continued to scream, yelling at the top of his lungs as he now attempted to wrap his own binding chains around his throat with the hopes of strangling himself. Bucky was able to lower Maxim’s arms and get him to stop screaming. 

Y/N cringed and stared at the man, lifted her hand and knocked twice on the thick glass. At the call, Steve and Bucky shared a look. Almost with relief, Bucky dropped Maxim back into the chair, said something to two guards and followed Steve out of Maxim’s room and to where Y/N was standing. 

As soon as Bucky entered the room, his head shook, dark, feathered hair brushing against his cheek. “No.”

Y/N’s jaw pushed back at his words. She was scared, sure. Terrified even, but being told what to do or not do was something she didn’t take lightly. “I understand.” She started. Voice calm and hands lifted up, she continued. “But, Bucky, he’s the only one who can answer my questions. I need to know who or…” Her head shook. “What I am.”

Roughly, Bucky stepped forward, fists clenching with frustration. “He is not the only one! We can find someone else. It’s not safe Y/N. He’s fucking crazy!”

She didn’t step back and she noticed Steve stayed silent to the side. “You all can stand right here or in the hallway, I don’t care! But I need to speak to him. I need to know what’s happening, I can’t take anymore…” Her voice lowered and she saw consideration wash over his face. “Buck, please.” This time, she did step forward and took one of his clenched hands, watching as the tight muscles in his jaw twitched. “If he says or does something you don’t like, I’ll leave.”

Unfortunately for him, Steve snorted a quick laugh, him understanding that anything Maxim could say or do, Bucky wouldn’t like. Steve straightened and looked towards the floor at the glare Bucky sent his way, but did himself further in at his next words.

“Buck, she needs it. We can stay right outside the door if you want.” Y/N nodded in agreement with Steve and watched as Bucky cringed with a groan, head rolling back and revealing his throat. Y/n squeezed his hand tighter and licked her lips with determination. Before anyone else could say anything, she left the room, walked the very few steps to the room Maxim was contained in and leaned against the door. She closed her eyes and began to take deep breaths. In through her nose out the mouth; in and out. 

Calm down.

She warned herself. Just a few seconds ago she was looking forward to the conversation with Maxim, but now, when she was just about to do it. All the fear and dread, tears and confusion of the past few days slammed into her and made her knees weak. 

“I need to know.” Y/N mumbled to herself, took one last deep breath, took the doorknob in her hand and pushed into the room.

“Ah. There she is.” Maxim literally preens. Voice deep and dark, just like coal. But Y/N notices there’s a disturbing tone that makes her want to turn, leave the room and burry herself under Bucky’s arms, but she continues in and sits in one of the metal chairs. 

At his words, Y/N inclines her head in a form of greeting. Her body remained tense, the muscles in her legs clenched in case she had to get up and bolt. She could feel her breath leaving her lips in short gasps so she closed her mouth and took in a deep breath, doing her best to appear calm and in control of herself and the situation. 

Y/N studied the man. She wasn’t certain about his age, possibly in his early forties, his hair was dark and thick but it was his eyes that made Y/N lean away. They were fierce, wise, but so dangerous. He was intelligent, that much was clear but it seemed he was run by a strong loyalty to Hydra that deemed him insane and incredibly unstable. 

It was only Y/N and Maxim in the room, but the Russian man took a look at the glass that Steve and maybe Bucky stood behind.

“They watch.” He nearly spits and Y/N could have sworn she watched defiance wash over him. Suddenly, a grin covered his face, and Y/N knew he was on the path to mock her. To tease. To poke and prod. This man was insane, just a few minutes ago he was kneeling in front of her, pleading and praying, then begging for her presence. Now, he grinned at her, sending sly smirks.

“You claim to know about me” Y/N tried, hoping to get something from him. Something useful. 

“Dear.” He laughed. Y/N was surprised Bucky didn’t crash through the door when the sneering man leaned across the table, closer to her. “I helped create you.” The brashness and harsh tone of his voice made Y/N frown, only to lean back further into her chair but as her eyes wandered to the floor, she saw Maxim’s chains pulled tight, he wouldn’t be able to get any closer. “I can help you more than your keepers can.” He nods towards the window. “Useless. Spineless… Thieves.” He grounds out. Y/N’s head tilted. 

“And what did they steal from you?”

“You, of course.” 

“And where would we be going back to?”

“Where you belong. You’re home. To continue the plan.” 

Y/N’s brows furrowed and she leaned closer, like Maxim was to reveal a deadly secret. “And what’s this plan?”

Maxim laughed and he looked back at the glass that contained SHIELD agents and the famous Captain America himself.

Abusive thoughts began to pummel Maxim’s brain, believing the woman in front of him was no longer interested in her past and future, but here just to gain intelligence for SHIELD and their dogs; to destroy what was left of Hydra. 

“When this is over…in the end. The punishment that awaits is well deserved…” Maxim’s head lowered and he glared at Y/N, his tongue reaching out to lick his lips in excitement for what he believed was to come. 

Maxim’s large hand slapped against the top of the table only to shoot to his feet and yank at his chains, doing his best to lunge at Y/N. His chair crashed to the floor behind him and Y/N flinched away, trying to lean away before his hands could get a hold of her. 

Before she could even get out of her chair, Bucky bashed the door in, stomped over to Maxim in his heavy boots, lifted the man and slammed him to the ground. Bucky was nearly begging to have one of his rifles in his palms, he was sure Maxim would behave just a tad better with something held to his temple.

“Enough, enough.” Steve nearly chants and takes a hold of Y/N’s arm, pulling her into him as they stand in the hallway. “Bucky!” Steve hollers and both him and Y/N watch as Bucky releases the now laughing man with a growl. 

Nothing is said in the car, but it is anything but silent for Y/N. Her mind is screaming. Maxim created her? What plan must she continue…what has she done in the past? She was obviously associated with Hydra, at least that’s what Maxim claims but with a quick bite to the inside of her cheek, nearly drawing blood, Y/N cursed. She’s been living in New York by herself for years. Working a job she hated only to return to a small apartment and do nothing with her life…they had the wrong girl. 

Simple. 

She wasn’t who this Hydra claimed she was. 

But what about those visions that passed before her eyes? Being dragged, people poking at her and laughing in her face. Watching as she stormed down a bloodied hallway…crushing skulls into cement walls…

Y/N groaned and pushed both palms into her eyes, she wasn’t sure if speaking to Maxim made things easier for the team to begin piecing things together, or worse for her to handle…she was leaning towards the latter. 

**

As usual, Bucky helped Y/N from the truck, and together, the three walked to the building, taking the elevator up and settling in their living area. They remained silent and it appeared all three were locked in their heads, replaying conversations to try and pick up on things. 

As Bucky and Steve sat on the couch, Y/N felt restless, like she was going to burst from her skin. She was ready to start clawing at her arms to attempt to stop the claustrophobia, so she went to the kitchen and got herself a glass of cold water.

With the glass held firmly in her hand, Y/N went back to the living room and stood in front of the floor length glass windows, looking over the beautiful, lit city of New York. She focused on the blinking lights, watching the cars make their way down the crowded streets as thousands of people jammed up the sidewalks.

The sun had just set so Y/N looked at the taller buildings that surrounded them, enjoying the way the peaches and pinks of the sky shined against the dark glass of the buildings.  
She let her eyes glaze over, to lose herself in the colors and the blinking, passing lights.

It’s when an aching pain began to settle right near her eyes that her grip on the glass in her hand tightened. 

**  
**She was running, limping through a heavily wooded area as lights and sirens blared behind her. It was dark, and as the spotlights skipped over the land in front of her, Y/N misjudged the terrain and fell, getting a face full of pine needles, snow and dirt. The sirens grew louder as the harsh barking of rabid dogs joined. Someone grabbed the back of her shirt and lifted only to give a push and encourage her on the escape. She tried to run as fast as she could, but the blood pouring from her heavily injured leg was significantly slowing her down. Her frantic heartbeat flooded her ears and tears and dirt streaked down her face. She had to keep going, if she was to be caught now, they would kill her for sure, in the most painful and disgusting way imaginable. She stopped and hid behind a large tree only to look back at the compound to see the entire area lit up, white lights flooding the camp and hundreds of people leaving their post, swarming to find those that escaped. A body joined her, a man…more so a boy, absolutely younger than Y/N, possibly around eighteen, but Y/N could see how terrified he was, especially since he was wearing a black jumpsuit with the Hydra emblem on the left breast. He had helped her and if he was ever caught, the ramifications for his actions would be extremely deadly, horrifyingly so. 

“We must keep going. Once we get past that ridge, we are safe.” His young, Russian accented voice whispered and Y/N nodded, turning and breaking out in a run, doing her best to ignore the stabbing pain in her thigh.

They ran, climbed up the snow encrusted hill and slid down only to literally crawl to the ridge, the blood of Y/N’s injury leaving a telling trail. The young Hydra soldier noticed and backtracked, kicking fresh white snow over the crimson and running back to Y/N. He helped her over the point and as soon as she stood up on unsteady feet, a fine needle was pressed into her neck followed by a searing hot pain. Y/N sobbed, feeling betrayed and as she fell to the ground with a hand pressed to her throat she cried out, knowing she was going back to the harmful and destructive hands of Hydra.**

**

The glass shattered in Y/N hands and Bucky watched, it looked like each particle of glass stayed suspended in the air for just a few seconds before falling to the ground, the shards singing against the wood. 

Y/N fell to her hands and knees, the glass biting into her skin but she didn’t respond to it. She began to choke on air and tears before falling to her side and starting to shake. Bucky and Steve rushed over, Bucky falling to the floor with her, ignoring the glass and taking her into his arms. 

Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and screams mixed with sobs shook her chest. Her body arching in Bucky’s grasp, her limbs shaking and withering as she tried to get away from something. 

“Get Bruce!” Bucky yelled and before calling for FRIDAY to get the doctor, Steve noticed the fear, panic and helplessness in his friends face.

“FRIDAY!” Steve called, “Get Dr. Banner here now!”

The frantic call had not only Bruce but the entire team of Avengers rushing into the room only to see Y/N still on the floor thrashing. 

Bruce Banner fell to the floor next to Bucky and Y/N and took a firm hold on her neck, doing his best to keep it straight and stable as she shook. Blood poured from Y/N’s nose but Bucky was shocked to see blood spill from her mouth as she coughed, the red staining her skin.

This was the worse they’d ever seen and they were certain it was taking a huge toll on Y/N, whatever she was seeing or hearing was significant. 

When the flashing and noises finally stopped, instead of falling into an unconscious state, Y/N shot up into sitting position, breath held…then burst out into loud sobs. Her chest ached with the need to scream as whatever she just saw and felt continued to haunt her. She was shivering, body as cold as ice as blood still dripped from her nose and lips.

She knew who was holding her, so she turned in Bucky’s grasp and screamed into his chest, the sound so heartbreaking and raw, a few of the Avengers took a step back.  
Steve got closer and kneeled next to Bruce who kept a hand on Y/N’s back and fell onto his rear. His eyes remained wide, skin pale as he looked at the girl crying on the floor in Bucky’s arms. 

Y/N tried.

She tried to speak about what happened. About what she saw and heard, but all the came out was a jumbled mess of words and tears. She couldn’t catch her breath and she began to panic when she couldn’t breathe. Her hands waved in front of her face as she plead with Bucky to help her.

“Okay, okay.” Bucky soothed. He captured both hands in one palm and held it to his chest so she could feel the constant rise and fall of his chest. He began to rock side to side. “Breathe, Y/N. Just breathe. In and out.” He spoke into her hair. “You are here. I’m here. Steve is here. Everyone is here and you are safe.” He buried his face into her neck and spoke into her skin. “I won’t let them get you.” No one but Y/N heard and she cried harder at his words, getting closer to him and climbing further into his lap. She felt the metal arm around her back, loving the coolness that seeped into her shirt and skin.

In under twenty minutes, Y/N had calmed down. She was in the basement surrounded by everyone, sitting on Tony’s metal table as Bruce cleaned the blood entirely from her face, only to move on to the numerous cuts on her hands and knees from falling onto the glass. 

No one had asked, assuming it was far too fresh but as Y/N stared lifelessly at the wall behind Bruce, she spoke. 

“I was trying to leave.” She hesitated. 

“Leave where?” Steve asked. He took seat on the table with her as Bucky sat on her other side. He felt horrible, like he couldn’t keep the horror away from her, so he kept a tight grip on her right hand. 

“A Hydra base.” Her brows furrowed with confusion, now looking at the ground. “There were sirens and lights…dogs. I don’t know why I was there or what I was doing, but me leaving seemed to be a big deal.” Light flooded her eyes as she appeared even more confused. “There was a man…a boy, who was helping me. Only to inject me with something once we got over the ridge. I-I passed out. I don-I don’t wha”- She stopped and took a breath, lifting a hand to her neck and pulling it back so she could look at it, slightly relieved to see no blood.

“Was Maxim there?” Steve asked again and Y/N’s lips pursed with a shake of her head. But hearing that man’s name made her shiver. “Speaking to him had to trigger something.” 

“Yes.” Y/N agreed, voice still dull.

“So.” Tony started and got closer, only to lean against the table in front of Y/N and cross his arms. He looked focused and determined, but there was still uncertainty etched on his face. “What does this answer?”

No one knew the extent of whatever Y/N just saw, so only she could answer. 

Her head shook as she tried to find the words to explain what was racing though her head. None of it made sense. “I belonged to Hydra, or was a part of them…I was running, try to escape with the help of a young Hydra soldier. He was scared, maybe that’s why he betrayed me in the end, I guess, I don’t know. But at one point, I stopped and hide behind a tree, something was wrong with my leg, I was limping, but as I looked back at the base, lights were flashing everywhere. Yelling and people running all over the place. He said we had to get to a ridge for us to be safe. We made it, he helped me up.” She paused and frowned. “Then he stabbed me in the neck, injected me with something.” Her voice lifted in pitch as tears began to sting her eyes again. “I dropped. I was crying, knowing I was going back.”

Silence filled the room when Y/N stopped but she was still struggling. She felt so hurt and betrayed, the emotion that filled her was intense but she was confusing herself. Was she hurting because of what she saw, or was she hurting because she remembered what it felt like to go through what just flashed before her eyes.

It seemed like these truly weren’t her memories, she didn’t remember going through any of this. Was that really her, did that really happen to her?

She felt detached from herself.

“I don’t know what’s real…”Her whisper of a voice trailed, head tilting as she felt herself drifting away. “I don’t know myself.” 

Who was she?

“Assuming, what’s been happening is real. Maxim is apart of Hydra, speaking to him triggered something in Y/N that sent her back to a flashback or vision of her trying to escape a Hydra camp, being aided by a Hydra agent…”Tony paused and when hearing it, Y/N understood it all to be even crazier when said out loud. 

“Don’t want to sound insensitive. But this leads us further. Why did Hydra have her, why was she trying to escape? Who helped her, where is he now and what was Y/N injected with?” Sam’s large hands waved around as he spoke, extreme interest filled his voice and as Y/N looked around the room, she saw the entire team step forward, wanting to hear the options, their own thoughts and ideas already forming. They wanted to help Y/N get answers just like Steve and Bucky did.

“We’ve got ourselves quiet a mystery here, team.” Tony’s chin dipped as he spoke. Everyone in the room nodded and took another step closer to Y/N.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Please Comment. I tried to make it long

Alone, in her dark room, Y/N sat on the bed with her bare legs stretched out in front of her. Her skin was littered with little bloodied marks from falling in the glass, but it was her right leg she focused on. In whatever she’d seen a few short hours ago, there was a serious injury to her limb. Her fingers trailed over her skin, swerving around the still fresh wounds that stung but she slipped up to her knee.

There was a long white scar down her knee cap that she’s had forever, but she remembered the injury was to her thigh and it was significant enough to coat her pants and the snow beneath her in blood, plus it caused her to limp. But as she scanned the area with narrowed eyes and short breaths, she was not surprised to see the skin unmarred. Not a bruise or silver scar, no slight discoloration, which was odd, because when she would lose consciousness during one of her flashbacks, her fall would bruise her legs…but, now, there was nothing. 

It was just another thing that made Y/N believe, what she was seeing really wasn’t her…it couldn’t be.

It was too hard to accept, mostly because she didn’t understand any of it. 

Restlessness was harassing her again, making her want to crawl out of her skin, a pain snaking up her shoulders and settling in her chest, an anxiousness that had her wanting to climb the walls.

With a whoosh of air, Y/N stood and planted herself in front of the floor length mirror, taking herself in.

She still looked the same. Same hair, same shape of her face, but as her gaze continued to lift, they froze at her eyes. They remained the same color, but they looked life-less. Dull. Different. She wondered what those eyes have seen, what type of experiences she’s witnessed and even though she promised herself that she really wasn’t that person, her thoughts always ventured to the other side…what if?

If those visions belonged to her, that means these very eyes saw horrible things. Who knows what her hands have done or what’s been done to her body, her mind. Has she killed? Has she burned cities down in the name of Hydra?

Did she ever have a small apartment in New York that was truly hers? What about her parents and the life she swore she lived? Was any of it real?

No. 

No, stop.

Of course it was real…it had to be.

Y/N’s head shook to stop the thoughts, this was a whole other life she was talking about. A whole other life, that if it did belong to her, she was only getting it in bits and pieces, she didn’t remember actually living it. 

Before she could bury herself any deeper, she broke away from the mirror and nimbly climbed into bed.

She felt alone, far away from everything, nervous and panicked.

She stood and put on a pair of shorts and quietly left her rom, venturing down the dark hallway, her trusty quilt slung over her shoulder.

The closer she got to the living room, the better she felt because she could see the pale blues of the TV bouncing off the walls, she was certain Bucky was sitting on the couch, tired eyes glazed over and staring at the screen. She wished he could sleep, to get some rest, but it was great seeing him there, because Y/N knew she could sit on the couch and lean into him, to bask in his warmth without having to say a word. 

She didn’t say anything as she walked in front of the TV, but Bucky reached over and moved the pillow out of the way, giving her the space to sit right next to him. She fell onto the couch and watched as Bucky’s body briefly bounced.

She folded her legs under herself, stretched the blanket over both of their laps and leaned her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes.

She inhaled and took in a deep breath of Bucky’s scent. She wasn’t sure how to describe it, it was just Bucky; a black metal.

The warmth of Bucky’s shoulder pressed safely into Y/N’s cheek, but she wanted to feel his skin. So both of her hands softly wrapped around his arm, right where the sleeve of his cotton t-shirt ended, a bit above his elbow. She fingered the hem, the tips of her fingers skimming across his warm skin. At the tickle, his body shivered, little goosebumps racing across his skin.

“Sorry.” Y/N whispered, a small laugh present. Bucky said nothing, but his metal hand reached over and patted the top of hers.

He didn’t want her to stop. It had been many, many years since someone touched him with such gentleness. The feeling of her fingertips brushing across his arm had his eyes drooping shut but his heart lurched to his throat when Y/N took a hold of his hand. His eyes opened but he allowed his head to stay resting on the back of the couch so he could peek down at her without her knowing he was watching. 

She studied his hands, her brows furrowing as her soft fingers ran over his many callouses, wondering how he got them. Her index finger trailed down his long digits, memorizing every bump and scar, only to trace down his thumb and softly pinch the end.

She looked focused but as ease, so Bucky closed his eyes and felt his body sink deeper into the couch as she continued to trace his hands.

She loved Bucky’s hands. His fingers were long and strong, nails short, skin tanned. The little bone on the side of his wrist stuck out slightly and Y/N let her finger circle it a few times just before skimming over a thick vein. She followed it up to his elbow but stopped when she understood she could have traced it all the way up the muscle of his bicep, she chided herself when her cheeks grew a slight pink. 

She followed the vein back down and let her fingers continue their journey to the rest of his fingers. The moment she got to his ring finger, she heard Bucky take in a deep breath, only to let it out evenly.

He was asleep, his lashes not even fluttering with dreams. Y/N smiled and looked up at the TV, enjoying the fact that, finally, Bucky could get some rest.

**

The next two weeks followed in a fashion Y/N wasn’t expecting. Every morning, she woke up feeling heavier. More tired, not interested in a single thing. She stayed within herself, of course hanging with Steve and Bucky often, but that was it.

Tony acted hurt, holding a hand over his aching heart when he announced she didn’t go to his lab anymore…but she didn’t want to be down there.

The area was bright, very interesting and it almost always housed two people Y/N like to be around, but it reminded her of too many things.

It seemed to be the room where Bruce always had to clean her skin of blood and cuts. Where she had to speak about what scene flashed before her eyes, where she was questioned.  
Like it was a place everyone gathered when bad things happened and no one understood…so Y/N kept away. She also found it to be easier to just avoid people.

Steve and Bucky continued Y/N’s self-defense training. Her stance had become impeccable. Her jabs precise and quick as she found she liked the tightness in her body when she was preparing to spar with Steve. It gave her something to focus on, to do her best and try to read the soldiers body language before he struck. It was always Steve, never Bucky and she understood why, he was afraid to hurt her.

Bucky and Steve didn’t speak about Maxim in front of Y/N, but she knew the two continued to see him almost every day. It had been two weeks since Y/N sat down with him, and if possible, Maxim had grown more pretentious. Obnoxious and smug, but refusing to speak to anyone except Y/N.

They were going nowhere fast and Y/N was slowly falling further down. The depression and moping turned into fear, Bucky and Steve noticing how she was constantly looking over her shoulder, but what they didn’t understand was that she wasn’t scared of her surroundings, but scared of herself.

She still didn’t understand her past or what was to come of her future…hell she didn’t know what was presently happening. 

It felt like her thoughts were constantly attacking her, pulling her in numerous different directions tirelessly, but she was happy to report no further flashbacks.

But after a particularly sad day, Steve decided to take Y/N on a fieldtrip…to a museum. 

With wide eyes and a breath stuck in her throat, Y/N learned of the past of Steve Rogers and James “Bucky” Barnes. With them slowly walking through the large, dark building, Steve told stories, sometimes stopping to point out a specific uniform or photograph.

He started with the stories of a young Bucky. He was handsome, young and charming. Always had a smirk on his face and a lady on his arm. He was funny, happy and honorable while Steve may have been the complete opposite of how Y/N knew him now. He was scrawny and almost always sick, wanting to serve his country just like his greatest pal, Bucky, but not able to do so. 

Steve explained the serum and the process, then as they sat in a dark film room by themselves since the short film had already finished, Steve spoke about losing Bucky.

The train.

How he thought he would never see him again. It had been years, many years but Steve still believed, if he took different actions, Bucky wouldn’t have fallen, and the horrors that followed would have never taken place.

Hydra. The Winter Solider- the horrible things he’d done.

The day at the museum added more confusion to Y/N…but if she were honest, it made her love for Steve and Bucky grow, finally understanding a small portion of what they went through. But, it also made her want to spend more time with Bucky. 

She now understood why he didn’t sleep; he was plagued by nightmares of what he’s done and what’s been done to him, but Y/N wanted to hear his story, from him.  
So now, after going to the museum just yesterday, Bucky and Y/N were up to the normal. 

They sat on the couch together, the room dark, only lit by the flashing colors of the TV in front of them, the sound low, Y/N barely able to hear it.

Her eyes were fixed on the screen. “Buck?”

“Hmm?” Y/N looked up at him, his eyes were closed, head leaning back against the couch.

“Do you feel things with your arm?” She let her attention stay on Bucky as she watched him shrug, so she closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the cushions as well.

“I don’t feel much.” He drawled. His voice was slow and deep, almost hoarse but he continued. “I feel pressure, but that’s about it.” There was sadness to his voice and Y/N turned towards him, lips pouting.

“No heat or cold? No texture?”

Bucky’s head shook but Y/N couldn’t see it. “No.” He whispered.

This was why he like when she sat on his right side. When their bodies were close together, he could feel her warmth. When she clutched onto his metal arm, he could only feel pressure when all he wanted was to feel her skin; the heat, the softness.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N mumbled, her voice lifting in pitch, almost like she was on the verge of tears for him.

Bucky lifted his head so he could see her. Her eyes were closed, head resting back but there was a heavy frown on her face, brows knitted together with sadness.

He lifted his right arm and softly patted her thigh, allowing his arm to rest on her lap. “It’s alright.” Was all he could say, but a sad silence consumed them, his fingers beginning to lightly run over the fabric of her leggings. 

Y/N had said it before and it still remained. 

Bucky was a strange person. He was standoff-ish, almost always had a heavy pout on his lips, eyes dark but very studious. He caught everything, aware of every word and every look, not happy with anyone expect Steve, but it seemed he didn’t mind Y/N touching him. She found herself constantly attached to his side or clinging to his metal arm… maybe all he needed was to be held. 

“Hey.” Y/N’s head lifted as she removed herself from Bucky’s side and scooted further down the couch. She watched him look over at her, brows lifted, waiting. “Come here.” She  
waved him closer then patted her lap.

Bucky didn’t move, but his features softened. 

She wasn’t afraid of him, even after knowing some of this past. She didn’t know the details but he was certain she understood his metal arm could crush her with the smallest effort.

Still, she wasn’t afraid. 

Bucky took in a deep breath but leaned into her, resting his head on the pillow that now rested on her lap. His body remained tense, still like he was waiting to be attacked or snuck up on.

He jumped when Y/N pulled gently at his hair, his soft, dark tendrils slipping between her fingers. She began to twirl the locks, only to push her fingers deeper into his scalp. He could have moaned as he felt his body relax, his breathing growing steadier. He was so tired and the tickle of her fingers in his hair was literally lulling him to sleep.

Y/N wasn’t sure what it was, but she felt like Bucky just needed to be loved, to be held. No one else was with them, and no one else would see Bucky show his vulnerability. So it was a safe place.

Y/N lifted her right hand and shuffled it through his hair as her left hand rested at the nape of his neck, her thumb digging in and moving in small circles.

This time Bucky did groan and Y/N felt his body tense again, his cheeks turning a bright shade of red with embarrassment as he showed a human quality.

Y/N’s response was to softly pat his broad shoulder right before relaxing further into the couch and closing her eyes again, the flashing from the TV dancing behind closed lids.

The silence was comfortable as they rested with each other but Y/N began to think of the stories Steve told.

“Buck?”

This time he groaned, the sound vibrating against Y/N’s leg and she laughed at the tired sound. 

“Can you tell me about your past? Not the soldier…but Bucky.”

Bucky froze as he considered her words. No one wanted to know about James Barnes, they wanted to know about The Winter Solider.

“Sometimes…it’s like I can’t remember who I was. But then I sit with Steve and we talk about things like it happened yesterday... I was” Bucky chuckled and Y/N’s cheeks tingled with heat at the sound. “Pretty good with the ladies. Smooth talker…I could get whatever I wanted for anyone.” 

Y/N thinks of the videos she saw, his dark hair short, how young and sweet and healthy he looked. Happy as he laughed with Steve standing next to him.

“Steve was an idiot.” Both shared a laugh and Y/N looked down at him as he rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. There was a shine to his eyes as he thought about the good things. “Always getting into some kind of trouble that I had to get him out of.” His voice slowed, tone lowering, “But whatever it was, we always had each other. Always.”

Again, Y/N pouted. Steve had said something similar, but she understood that the moment Bucky fell off that train, they wouldn’t have each other anymore for years. 

While Steve was frozen, Bucky was falling victim to the horrible acts of Hydra. They were once young, happy boys, only to be turned into something else.

One, a hero. The other, a complete monster.

Y/N knew where the conversation could have continued, but she didn’t think Bucky would enjoy talking about it. So she patted his chest and draped her left arm across his stomach while the other continued to work through his hair. 

It took only ten minutes before Y/N was able to watch Bucky fall asleep. He looked so tired. So vulnerable. Human. In need of something he didn’t know how to ask for; compassion. 

**

A few minutes past three in the morning, Steve woke and climbed out of bed, wanting to take the small walk to Y/N’s room and check in on her. Once he walked down the hallway and saw the lights of the TV on the wall, he was preparing himself to see Bucky and send him off to bed, instead he smiled and bit at his lips when he saw Y/N sitting on the couch, asleep, with a sleeping, guard-down Bucky resting in her lap, one of Y/N’s hands tangled in his hair. 

Steve tip-toed into the room and took a few seconds to just look at them, to see them both relaxed and content, especially when they were both struggling with themselves and what was happening around them.

With a very gentle hand, hoping not to startle her, he rested a palm on her shoulder and whispered. “Y/N.” 

Surprisingly, her eyes fluttered open and she blinked up at him, noticing the smile on Steve’s face.

“Hello.” He nearly cooed, watching as she rubbed at her eyes with a sloppy fist. “Bedtime.” He smiled again with a nod. He crouched down and rested a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Hey Buck.” He softly spoke and lifted his brows, when just like Y/N, his eyes opened, only to get to his feet and literally stumble to his room like a drunken child when Steve told him it was time for bed.

“Come on.” Steve took Y/N’s hand and helped her to her feet, Y/N swaying and leaning into the soldier until she got her footing. Y/N groaned then muttered a few soft words when Steve bent at the waist and lifted her, only to carry her to her room and tuck her into bed, a sweet ‘goodnight’ leaving his lips before shutting the door. 

As Steve walked back to his room, he stopped at Bucky’s door and peeked in, thankful when he saw Bucky face down on his bed, his right arm handing over the edge, sound asleep. 

*

She tossed and turned, blankets tangling between her legs as she thrashed, Maxim’s face hovering over hers as she cried, her crimson blood spilling on the cement floor beneath her. Her body lurched, choking on a breath as a startled shout left her lips. Finally, she shot up in bed and the extreme fear mixed with unmanageable anger had her shooting to her feet and out the door. The sun shined through the windows so she wasn’t surprised when she saw Bucky and Steve sitting at the island with warm coffee held between their palms. Steve went to speak but his words died in his throat when he saw her face.

Her eyes were wide, cheeks red with anger, body shaking. 

“I want to speak to him.” She said, her voice throwing out a demanding sound.

Bucky shared a look with Steve then went back to Y/N…both were hoping she didn’t mean Maxim.

“Uh…who?” Steve asked, head tilting to the side, playing dumb. His chin lowered at the look Y/N sent him.

“You know exactly who, Steve. I need to speak to him…now.” With that, Y/N turned and went back to her room, haphazardly throwing on clothes and running her fingers through her tangled hair. When she stormed back down the hallway she was happy to see both men dressed and ready, but their faces didn’t approve. She held out a hand to stop them in their tracks. “I need to.”

“What happened?” Bucky stepped forward at the change. Before, Y/N didn’t want to see Maxim, she didn’t even want to hear his name, now it looked like she was burning to see him. 

Some of the anger slipped away as her arms tightened over her chest. “A dream that-that, I…I just need to go.” She couldn’t get a sentence out, couldn’t even make sense of the things that were screaming through her head. 

She couldn’t deal with the stalemate anymore. She had to know what was happening and not speaking to the vile man but continuing to be haunted by nightmares that included him wasn’t going to help in any way. 

“Alright…” Steve trailed but together the three walked to the elevator to get to the basement. They climbed into an SUV and Steve drove, eyes continuing to peek over at Y/N to watch as her leg bounced, fists clenched and she harshly bit at the inside of her cheeks. Her eyes stayed dead on the road, looking up through her long lashes. 

Before Steve could even throw the truck into park, Y/N had the door open and was already climbing out. She didn’t even walk to the building, she stomped, arms swinging wildly at her sides.

Guards stared at the insane woman when she walked past them, their eyes growing even larger when they saw both Steve and Bucky jogging behind, doing their best to keep up with her.

Usually, the three would gather outside a door and be briefed by a SHIELD agent. Instead, Y/N stopped at the door, turned to a guard and told him to bring Maxim to her, she would be waiting. She slammed the door behind her and fell into a metal chair, arms crossed and waiting.

The door opened and Bucky peeked in. “Are you sure about this?” His dark brows knitted together and he shrugged when Y/N nodded. “We’ll be watching.” He added before closing the door, the few words giving Y/N the comfort that they would be there if she needed them. 

Y/N heard him before anything else. The sound of chains dragging across the floor had her sitting straight in the chair. Her breathing growing deep. She was scared, of course, but  
she licked her lips in determination. She was going to get answers.

The door opened again and Maxim stalled to a halt when he saw Y/N sitting in a chair, eyes staring right at him.

He grinned and chuckled, head tilting in a challenge as it appeared she was wanting to go one-on-one with him. This was a challenge he was sure to enjoy, all at her expense.  
Y/N stood and motioned to the empty chair with a wave of her hand. As soon as he sat, she turned her back to him and walked to a wooden shelf in the corner of the interrogation room. She took a piece of stark white paper and a pen, only to sit back down. 

She said nothing as she began to draw. Fist a large rectangle that seemed to be some type of perimeter. Then small buildings, rectangular in shape. A small square that was marked with the label ‘tower’. Then, a few inches from the perimeter, she drew a hill, followed by a jagged line label ‘the ridge’. Y/N slammed the pen down, turned the paper at 180 degrees and pushed it towards Maxim. 

The older man took one look at the roughly drawn map and smiled. Tongue dancing across his bottom lip.

“So you remember.” His head inclined. A smug grin covered his face and he looked seconds away from laughing in her face. But while he smiled at her with a teasing beam, all Y/N could see was him leaning over her, laughing this hysterical sound as she cried and bled. 

She was done with the games, with the way he taunted her and as he chuckled one more time, a shot of rage spiked up her spine, causing her to slam her fist on the table and scream.

“Fucking tell me! Everything!”

Her yell startled Maxim, but once the shock wore off, a dangerous look covered his face. “You don’t raise your voice at me…”

Y/N’s teeth gritted together and she drawled. “Tell me.”

Limply, Maxim’s head lulled to the side and he sighed, taking the map by the corner and pulling it closer. 

He sees her anger, but he also sees her desperation. He points to a rectangular building. “Here…was where you were kept. At first a cell, until you submitted. Took time, but after a few…techniques,” Maxim sneered. “You fell into place…that my dear,” His finger slams onto the building again. “Is where you will be in a few short months, leaning to submit again.”  
Y/N leans back at his words, at the slow, threatening drawl of each syllable, but she doesn’t flinch. She nibbles on a thumbnail and taps the pen against the table.  
Maxim can see her wheels turning, wondering which questions to ask and that’s when Maxim snaps. 

“Loyalty is one thing you must learn. I will not give you any information.” With that, Maxim reaches forward, chain smashing against the table as he grabs the pen from Y/N’s hand and plunges it into his own neck. Immediately, bloods splatters and a suction sound rings across the room as he pulls the pen back out and continues to slam it over and over again into his neck. He begins to choke on his blood and all Y/N can do is stare with an open mouth, empty hand and blanch in pure surprise. 

The door bust open and two guards jump on Maxim, one pulling the pen from a limp fist while the other threw him to the ground, everyone watching as the Russian man withered on the ground, blood seeping from numerous wounds as gargled words mixed with blood.

Y/N stood on shaking knees and looked up at the door, relief washing over her when she saw both Bucky and Steve stepping into the room to get her out.  
They watch her. She isn’t crying or screaming, she doesn’t seem scared, just shocked. Her face is nearly blank and she struggles to realize what she just saw.

They needed to get her back to the tower before she totally fell apart.

Silent. They get into the car and drive back to the tower, both soldiers keeping their concerned eyes on Y/N. It was just a matter of time. Once the knowledge of watching a man stab himself in the neck with a pen that once rested in her hand caught up with her…they weren’t sure how she would respond.  
Y/N continued to be a blank screen in the car, eyes watching out the window, but Bucky noticed the hand that once held the pen, was still open, he knew she was lost in her own mind.

Quickly, they got to the tower, parked in the garage and got into the elevator, but as soon as the metal door closed in front of them, Y/N let out a huge breath and found she couldn’t take another in. She stumbled forward and pressed the correct number to the floor that would take them to the gym.

The gym.

To fight, yes, that would give her something to focus on.

Bucky and Steve shared a cringe but they let her do what she needed, it was when she took Steve by the arm and dragged him onto a blue practice mat with her, that’s when they really began to worry.

Y/N separated her legs and lifted her hands, fists clenched and ready. Steve didn’t do the same.

“Come on.” She said, fists tightening, eyes beginning to tear. She rapidly blinked, trying to keep the liquid away and motioned Steve forward again. She needed to go, to not stay still  
and let everything catch up with her.

She needed this. 

Steve holds up both hands in a surrender. “Y/N, let’s relax.”

“No. No.” Her head shakes as her form falters but just for a few seconds. She squares up again and begins to rock back and forth onto each foot, slowly, like she’s swaying and ready to fall at any moment. “Come on, Steve!” She screams and her voice sounds raw, totally wrecked and ready to break.

“Y/N, please…” Steve tries again and takes a step forward but she doesn’t want that, she doesn’t want to be held, she wants to fight. She looks to the side and catches Bucky stopping in his tracks, she knows as soon as he gets closer to her, he’s going to wrap her up in both arms and keep her close to him.

Restrained. Caged. Like a prisoner.

Instead of backing up, Y/N shot forward, took Steve by the shirt and screamed, tears finally spilling. “Fucking hit me!” She tried to release him but he took her by the shoulders and pulled her in closer. Her chest bumped with his and he hurried his arms around her, holding her tight. 

Immediately, she began to struggle, to scream and thrash, her tears soaking through Steve’s shirt and burning his skin.

“It’s alright.” Steve tried. “It’s okay.”

Y/N continued to squirm but soon she felt Bucky’s metal hand on her back and she fell limp into Steve’s chest, full on sobs and screams breaking through her chest. Her back and shoulders shook with each cry, her breathing choppy and shallow. Her legs gave out and she let Steve support her as everything came together. 

The one person who could answer things was gone. Gone. Because he killed himself right in front of her, using the pen she held as a weapon. Plunging it straight into his throat, over and over, going deeper each time. All Y/N could hear was the sound of Maxim’s chains singing with each harsh movement of his hand, the sound of blood splattering the table in front of them.

Steve held her and Bucky stayed close, making sure the metal arm stayed on her. Soon, her cries turned into soft whimpers that made the soldiers’ chest ache. 

Slowly, she pulls away from Steve and says something that shocks them all, especially her.

“Can we go down to the lab?” She whispers and wanting to give her anything she wants, both boys nod.

Together the three slowly make their way to the glassed in lab and as soon as Tony sees Y/N, he smiles but it drops at the wetness on her face. Out of her vision, Steve lifts a cautioning hand and Tony nods, understanding to be gentle with her.

“Hello, little one.” Tony greets and pats her usual spot on the table. She sees that he’s working on one of his suits, the metal stretched out on the table, wires and gears visible.  
Y/N gets onto the table and knocks on the red metal of the suit, listening to the hollow sound. 

“Careful.” Tony warns. “I’ve been shocked a few times.” He points to the exposed wires and sends Y/N a wiggling eyebrowed look and goes back to working on his suit.  
Steve and Bucky linger right by her. Not sure of what the hell just happened and scared to let her leave their sight.

But Y/N stays in her own world. She harshly wipes at her cheeks and looks down at Tony’s suit, watching the curve and twist of the wires. She slides off the table and gets closer to the suit, only to run a hand over the metal and continuing going till she gets to an open panel, red and yellow wires tangled in front of her.

A finger pokes at a wire and she watches as it bounces at her force, so she moves to the next and pokes again, this time a red wire. 

As soon as her flesh hits the live wire, a spark ignites and shoots up her arm, dissolving throughout her body. Immediately, she has a horrible headache as memories, sound and emotions collide into her, sending her falling to the ground with a scream.

Everything she’s ever done, said or seen. Everything.

Every hallway in the Hydra camp she ventured down. Each pair of handcuffs around her wrist, each knife that sliced her skin. Every ounce of blood that hit the floor rushed into her.

She remembered.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

The muscles in Y/N’s stomach clench as she calmly sits up. She remained on the floor and with hesitant steps, Bucky gets closer. 

She’s almost serene as she stared off into the distance with a blank face, head tilted to the side, lips slightly parted. Incredibly unsure of what the hell happened, Bucky licks at his dry lips and looks up at Steve who is staring as well, hands at his sides as he slowly gets closer to Y/N. 

Bruce and Tony keep their distance, watching as Bucky and Steve inch closer, not sure if she’s about to explode.

There were no tears or screaming, but as a few seconds ticked by, they watched her jaw clench. A shaking right hand lifted and she stared at it, her wide eyes taking in the smooth skin, almost as if she was looking for something.

The hand dropped to the floor and she stared into the distance again, a look of pain covering her face, brows furrowing and lower lip trembling. That’s when Bucky tried to really step in.

“Y/N?” His deep voice whispered. He crouched next to her and gently fell on his bottom. Almost on instinct, he took her hand and hissed when he felt how cold she was. She didn’t respond to him, instead, she stayed within herself, her mind being burdened by memories, feeling, sights and everything she’s forgotten the past two years.

She lifted her hand again, staring at the knuckles, remembering the thick cord of wire that would come down on them and break the skin when she messed up a calculation. Her back burned with the thought of the countless lashes to her skin while the sound of her screams echoed off the wall. The punishments, the experiments, the taunting and mocking, her bleeding while they laughed; continually beating her down until she submitted.

It was too much. So overbearing. Everything she went through for over eight years flooded her all at once. She could feel her mind threatening to shut down, to push her into a deep place where she was protected from everything trying to rush her but she felt something holding her hand.

Y/N looked down and saw a calloused hand holding her own. The skin was tan, fingers long and thick, small veins running up the wrist and Y/N immediately knew whose hand it was. She squeezed and looked up at Bucky. He reached out and with a metal finger tilted her face closer to his. He took in her features. Eyes were the same color but now, they held experience, pain. Terrible sights, guilt and fear…just like his own.

Bucky noticed her posture had changed. Usually, her shoulders would be slumped, neck bent, but know she sat up straight, shoulders pushed back; the posture of a trained soldier.   
“Hey,” Bucky smiled but remained hesitant. He still had no idea what happened or what she was feeling so he didn’t want to rush into anything when an outburst could be seconds away. “What’s going on in there?” He let his metal hand lift up her cheek and lightly tap a finger to her temple before settling his hand in her hair.

It felt like she couldn’t speak, she was still on the verge of shutting down to escape everything, but she could show them.

Determined but weak, she took a tighter grip on Bucky’s hand and got onto her knees. Immediately, Steve stepped up and took her other hand, helping her then Bucky up.   
She was drained, but Bucky, Steve, Bruce and Tony watched her float across the floor, strides long but quiet, sly. “May I?” She waved a hand towards the desk of computers on Tony’s desk. Like a scared child, Tony’s eyes grew wide but he nodded. Everyone watching as Y/N sat down and placed her hands on the keyboard. Her fingers hovered over the keys like she was contemplating something, eyes closed…she let her training surround her and with a deep breath, her fingers flew over the keys, hacking into archived Hydra accounts, video and surveillance. Pages of military reports, medical information and profiles began to pop up onto the screen.

Suddenly, her fingers stopped and she released that deep breath. Right in the center of the screen was a large dark box with a ‘play’ button sitting in the middle. 

Y/N licked her lips and called the four men closer to her with a single look. Bucky stood right behind her and rested both hands on her shoulders, almost already knowing what these videos would be showing. 

A hesitant, nervous fingers tapped anxiously on the wood of the table before giving up and hitting a button on the keyboard, causing the video to play.

The screen remained black but in the top right corner, white numbers continued to count up. Soon, white noise and static filled the speakers and screen but it cut to a hallway. It was dark, a few lights scattered on the walls that gave low but ample lighting. Before they could see anything, they heard chains dragging across the floor. Heavy boots collided with the cement as the chains sang and soon, they could see a chained female body being dragged down the hallway. She left a trail of blood, long hair surrounding her probably beaten and bleeding face. She was shoeless and the chains around her ankles and wrist were so tight they were able to see the chaffed and bleedings skin.

They continued to drag her to a room at the end of a hallway where they watched the young girl get slapped, groped and laughed at.

They knew it was Y/N but that didn’t stop the extreme anger and sadness that radiated from them when a particularly rough Hydra soldier took all her hair from her face and gathered it at the base of her neck so he could yank her head up, his lips brushing the skin of her ear as he taunted her.

Bucky’s hands tightened on her shoulders and she heard Steve curse under his breath. 

To avoid watching her continue to get beaten as an orientation, Y/N clicked out of the video and opened another.

It was her, in uniform sitting at a wooden desk. A few guards stood in the corner while a Hydra man circled her. He placed a piece of paper and pencil in front of her stoic form and waved his hand at her, telling her to begin. 

She didn’t. 

Instead, with a single swipe of her fingers brushing across the table, she sent the paper and pencil to the floor before leaning back in her chair and staring up at the man through her lashes. She was strong, determined, but they could see her bite the inside of her cheek because she knew she just earned herself a beating.

The soldier didn’t hesitate. He took a firm grasp in her hair, sent her to the ground and delivered a kick to her ribs. She held herself but she didn’t cry or scream. She stayed silent as he continued to deliver a steel-toed kick to her ribs.

“He broke a few ribs, punctured my lungs…” Y/N’s voice trailed, almost like she was speaking to herself to confirm the scaring on her ribs. She remembered telling Natasha she got those scars from the accident, but there was no accident, this is where those scars came from.

The video cut off and went to another; vigorous training. Hand to hand combat to firearms. She excelled greatly, able to tear apart and reassemble assault rifles in an alarming speed. 

It’s when she stood in a room with two other men that Y/N was lifting a hand and running it across the scar on her scalp, mostly hidden by her hair.

The screen showed her standing up tall in black leather combat gear, booted feet wide apart with a pistol resting in her hand. A Hydra soldier stood in the corner of the room while a SHIELD agent rested slumped on his knees in front of Y/N. The man’s face was cut up, a bloodshot eye and a busted cheek, blood spilling from the cut in his lip. Like before, the Hydra agent waved his hand, telling Y/N to continue but she didn’t move. She didn’t lift the gun or speak, she simply stood still, dark eyes staring into the soldier that tried to compel her to take a life. 

The soldier screamed in Russian, but Y/N didn’t flinch, instead, with pride, the girl on the screen grinned.

Tony, Bruce, Bucky and Steve grinned along with her, but it quickly fell when they understood she just earned herself another beating. 

The Hydra soldiers stomped to her, backhanded her across the face with such force that she skidded across the room only to pull a gun from his own holster and shoot the kneeling man in the temple. His body fell to the side and the soldier directed his path to Y/N who was attempting to get off the floor. He stalked her, approaching her like she was his prey, he took her by the collar and slammed her into a wall. 

Y/N didn’t watch, why would she? She remembered it all which is why she paused the video and went to the next, she didn’t need the boys watching her suffer a beating so bad she was scalped.

They continued to watch videos of her hands and knuckles being whipped to the bone as she purposely did mathematical calculations wrong, as she refused to kill someone or comply with the orders of the hounding Hydra soldiers.

The next video caused Y/N to look up and finally begin to watch. She wiped harshly at her eyes as her eyes focused on the screen. She was strapped down into metal chair and thrashing so wildly it took three men to hold her down as a man with a long pointed needle got closer to her. His footsteps slow as another guard took her face in his palm and made her watch the man as he got closer.

The soldier plunged the needle deep into Y/N’s neck and her eyes began to roll. Soon, pages and pages of medical documents started to lay on top of each other on the screen. Her blood had changed, healing abilities along with speed, stealth and incredible heightened senses were written on these documents.

…Just like Bucky and Steve, she was injected with a serum that made her a super soldier.

The screen played videos of her working through calculation with ease. Blueprints and maps spread out before her as she was able to quickly find locations. Prints of bombs and explosions rested at her side as she fiddled with tools and chemicals only to create a detrimental bomb. Her combat and firearm skills advanced but it was the dead look in her eyes that solidified the safety of all the guards and abusers that surrounded her. 

One wrong move, and she was placed into a chair and electrocuted to the verge of death, then given the few minutes it took for her body to heal herself, only to start the voltage again.

The screen went black and everyone stood still and silent. The heaviness in the room was astounding. No one could believe it, this girl on the screen was the real Y/N. A girl that was in the hands of Hydra, experimented, beaten and tortured to comply…but there were things they still didn’t know.

“How did they get a hold of you?” Steve asked and found he needed to put a hand on her arm just so he could be sure, that at the moment, she was safe and okay. 

“My parents.” Y/N mumbled and typed on the keyboard again. A page popped up. “A receipt.” Her voice drawled and she averted her eyes from the screen.

A receipt signed by Y/N’s parents, handing her over to Hydra for a healthy dollar amount. 

“They thought they were being patriotic, handing their daughter over to a terroristic group that would make the world a better place…”Y/N’s head shook and she laughed without humor. “They walked away from me, counting their money as I screamed for them. I was fifteen.”  
Bucky couldn’t help it, he leaned down and pressed his lips into the side of her cheek. His heart was racing so fast in his chest because he felt lost. He didn’t know what to say or   
do, he felt frozen from learning and seeing everything.

But Steve, one of the best of the group, continued to piece things together. “How did you get away?”

This time, Y/N actually smiled, she began to type again “One of the last ‘visions’ I had…” Everyone’s eyes diverted to the screen to see her in her black gear walking slowly with a young Hydra soldier behind her. They stopped halfway down the hallway, shared a look then nodded. They began to storm down the hallway, Y/N loading a gun as she ran. Soldiers and guards tried to stop their path, only for Y/N to either shoot them or slam their head into the cemented wall. She took these men down quickly, swift, barley putting any effort as she mowed them down. They got to the end of the hallway and the young man offered Y/N another clip to load into her pistol. Once that was done, Y/N looked right into the camera and with a small grin, lifted her gun and shot out the camera. 

“He helped me escape. Just like I saw, I was limping but he got me to the ridge and injected me with something…” Her head shook because this was still something she didn’t fully understand. “He didn’t take me back. But this is the last time I remember being in that camp.”

“How did you get to your New York apartment, though?” Bruce questioned, fingers fiddling with his glasses.

“I don’t know.” She didn’t know a lot of things but the more time ticked on, she could feel herself losing it. She didn’t know who she was, she didn’t know how to act or carry herself…felt like two different lives were try to coincide as one. 

“And why didn’t you remember any of this?” Steve motioned to the screen. “Had to be whatever he injected you with. Whatever you learned while at that Hydra camp was completely washed out…”

“An injection like that can only last so long, which is probably those things you were seeing, little bits and pieces of your real life, your memories.” Bruce added and Y/N shivered. 

“I don’t know…I can remember everything while I was there. I know what my purpose was and what I needed to do. I remember all my training.” Y/N rubbed at her face and Tony chuckled to himself…she sure did remember everything because he just watched her hack into a Hydra database, but that, again, raised more questions and he stated that.

“We have much to discuss. We need to know what your purpose was and how you got to NY without remembering any of this. Why are they looking for you again…and with you remembering everything now…what can we do with that information?”

“Tony,” Y/N started. She stood and turned her back to the computers to lean against the desk. “I remember everything. I know everything.” She stressed but continued. “I know all equipment, plans and weapons of Hydra. I know all the locations of their safe houses, satellites and weapon locations. I know names, jobs and abilities. I know who they are looking for, why and what they intend to do with them.”

“How do you know this?” Bucky slowed and stood next to her, finding he wanted to be close to her. 

“Because I was the brains of Hydra. I created those things. I built the blueprints for weapons and bombs, did the research for mutants or those with abilities that I wanted, I know everything. That explains why Hydra would want me…but why after two years? That, I don’t know and I don’t know how I got into my apartment without remembering anything.” 

Everyone stared at her again, silent. One of the masterminds of Hydra was standing right in front of them. The brains of one of the greatest military-terroristic groups in the world. 

Bucky was in awe, but there was still something tickling at his brain. “Where was that guard supposed to be taking you before you escaped?”

Y/N licked at her lips and she stood straight, leaning away from the desk. “To meet you. I was supposed to be with you…together, we could have ended the world, and that’s what Hydra wanted.”


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment! Thank you to those that always do, you are why I continue

Before Y/N could even utter another word, Tony was asking FRIDAY to call in the absent members of the team. Within two minutes, Clint, Natasha, Wanda, Vision and Sam were entering the glassed-in lab, Wanda stopping in her tracks at the door, obviously able to feel the smothering shock in the room.

“What has happened?” She asked, eyes wide and taking in all the faces in the room.

Tony chuckled and lifted his brow, a look of disbelief still present. “Well…uh, take a seat, I’ll sum it up,” He waved his hands as he spoke, sometimes stepping across the room to act out a scene they’d seen on the screen a few moments ago.

Y/N watched them, noticing how they all seemed confused, but as Tony began, questions they had previously asked were answered. Ideas were confirmed while others still remained laughable.

Bucky was still sitting next to Y/N, entirely lost in his own mind. He stared at the ground, dark eyes glazed over as the scenes of Y/N being dragged across the cement, of her being beaten raced before his eyes, he could still hear her screams.

Her screams, that may have been the biggest thing that was bothering him because it was nagging at a specific memory in his head, but no matter how hard he tried to capture that memory to really look into it, it would slip away.

“Buck!” Steve’s voice broke Bucky away from his own thoughts and, as usual, he sent a thankful look. “You don’t remember hearing anything about her?” Steve asked and even though, he hoped Bucky would have some type of recollection of hearing talk about Y/N while he was still with Hydra, he was almost certain Bucky wouldn’t remember anything, probably because any type of word about Y/N was painfully wiped away. 

“N-no.” Bucky stuttered and looked back to Y/N. “Did we ever actually meet?”

Her lips pursed, head shaking. “No, what we just saw would have been the very first time. They told me about you…about what your job was and what we were supposed to do once together.” Her shoulders shrugged. “I assume you were told the plans as well.” Sadness laced her voice and she slowed. 

“How did you and the guard decide to escape?” Bruce asked and Y/N straightened her back, preparing for story time. She knew she would be explaining things a lot the next few days.

Y/N took in a deep breath and pinched the tip of her index finger. “At the base I was at. Every Sunday, there was a weekly hanging. Early in the morning…”She paused and made a face. “Some people gather for church, Hydra gathers for a public hanging. Anyway, I was standing in the front…like always. I think they made me stand right there…so close to deter any thoughts I had about disobeying. But this guard, his name was Leo.” At the thought of the young man, Y/N smiled but she grew stoic when she felt her bottom lip begin to tremble. She stressed, “He was young…so young and lost, scared. Didn’t know where he belonged, only a part of Hydra because his father was. One Sunday, I watched him and noticed how he looked away when the bodies dropped and struggled while everyone else looked on with these dirty grins.” She scowled and she honestly, wanted to stop. There were so many other things racing through her head, like the life she was living just a few short weeks ago, but she continued. “He requested to be my handler. To take me from cell to training. And we began to talk.”

“So, the plan was, when he was supposed to take you to meet Buck- ah, the Winter Soldier, you both would run.” Tony asked and twirled a screwdriver between his long fingers.  
Y/N nodded and peeked at Bucky.

“Why did you chose that time?” Steve joined and Y/N noticed he kept sending concerned glances Bucky’s way.

“Because we knew what would happen when the Soldier and I met. Complete destruction. The purpose of us meeting, of getting together and being a team was to go out and literally destroy. Mass murder. To take out powerful names, good people who were trying to make optimistic changes. I was the brains, the spy, the builder, while the Winter Soldier was the force. Brute power. Leo and I knew it would be detrimental. Hydra had been training me eight years for the moment they sent us out. It wouldn’t be a simple intel mission.” Her lip lifted and she shook her head. “This was a World War Three mission…you don’t need a whole army. You need specific, strategically, timely placed soldiers…that’s it.”

“Holy fuck…”Clint breathed from a chair, his hand lifting to push at his eyes. Usually, Steve’s head would snap over with a look that would make anyone shut their mouth with pursed lips. Instead, Steve nodded, eyes towards the ground.

“You can say that again.”

“Holy fu-“

“I didn’t mean it literally.” Steve interrupted the archer, resulting in a grin from the clever man. “You said you know the plans and locations of many different items concerning Hydra…” He trailed “Even from way back?” Y/N agreed. 

“Yes.”

“Uh, how old are you really?” Tony asked with a cringe. Y/N was a super soldier, just like Steve and Bucky, and those two were very close to one hundred years old.

Beautifully, Y/N laughed. “I’m 25. Everything in the past ten years…well, besides the last two years that I was, uh, separated from Hydra, I built or designed. Things from the past,” Her head shook. “I know their locations, how they work, used their blueprints as stepping stones for my own ideas.” 

“That’s a lot of information.” Sam mused, index finger rubbing at his jaw. “Information that would be very helpful in shutting down Hydra.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Y/N grinned, epic strength and vengeance radiated from her. “That’s the plan.”

“So you don’t have any objections to you sharing this intel?” Steve’s words were slow, hesitant. Sure, Y/N seemed to be on their side now, but he couldn’t forget or ignore that fact that Y/N had belonged to Hydra for eight long years, had been trained and formed by them. Whichever way they looked at it, just like Bucky, Y/N was a product of one of the greatest terroristic groups in the world.

Y/N wanted to laugh, instead she scoffed. “I hold no loyalty to Hydra. None.” She stressed. 

They took everything from her. Made her into something that would be considered by others a monster. An intelligent, merciless machine. 

“I’m still having a hard time with this.” Clint stood from his chair. “Just a few weeks ago, you got hit in the face with a tennis ball…then you hit yourself in the face with Nunchucks…and now, Tony is telling us you are a highly trained assassin, with the knowledge of…let’s be honest, almost everything Hydra…?”

Y/N cringed, but, yea. “Uh, Yes.” Y/N laughed and lifted a brow when Clint took another step towards her. She took in the stance of his body. His shoulders were pushed back, legs separated with his right foot taking the led, he was perfectly stable on his feet and his right hand was tense, fingers twitching. “And I can see that you’re preparing to challenge me.”

“Man, come on…”Bucky’s eyes rolled, only to look on with anxiety when Y/N continued.

“No, it’s alright.” She slid off the table top and walked till she was a few steps from Clint. Y/N looked at him, not relaxing into a fighting position. She was at ease, arms resting at her sides, head tilted just a bit…just watching.

Clint looked towards his Captain, and waited until Steve gave a stern nod. 

He trusted Y/N with everything he had, but he, just like his team, wanted to see what else she could do. 

Clint reached to his back and pulled out his bow, with a harsh shake, the bow turned into a staff. He flipped it between his fingers, but still, Y/N just watched. 

“I won’t go too hard on you, now, honey.” He smirked, his low voice sounding like gravel. Surprisingly, even Natasha’s eyes rolled.

He came at her, twirling and twist the staff, spinning and stepping with such skill, grace and ease that it was actually a beautiful sight. Y/N watched his movements for a few seconds, watching as the light occasionally caught the metal on the staff as he continued to spin. But he took a deep step, a lung straight at Y/N, the staff aimed directly to the center of her chest; she didn’t flinch, just let her arms remain relaxed at her sides. 

Maybe Clint thought she didn’t take him seriously, so he went for it, lunging at her again. This time, Y/N took the smallest step back, causing the metal of his staff to barely ghost against the skin of her throat. Clint’s left leg followed suit so he stood in front of her, the staff still twirling and twisting in a dizzying motion, it was then, that Y/N grew bored. So with quick movements and an even quicker fist, she stepped into him and delivered a stunning shot straight to the nose.

In a matter of seconds, the twirling, dancing Clint was lying in a heap on the floor, metal and wooden staff sliding against the tile, only stopping when it ran into the wall.  
“Ahhh…fuck!” Clint whined, a deep groan rumbling from his chest.

Y/N still stood bored, standing straight and un-impressed, looking down at the man.

In attempts to cover up the laugh, Steve coughed and briefly covered his face. “Alright, that’s enough.”

With a stern looked directed towards Y/N, Natasha pushed herself away from the wall and helped Clint up, only to scowl even further when Clint stood and smiled at Y/N.  
Y/N looked to Bucky and felt her cheeks grown warm at the sight of the dark haired man looking at her with pride, a small grin on his full lips, tongue reaching out to run across his bottom lip. 

But the pride quickly changed to sadness the more he looked at her. She was just like him. Violently molded by Hydra, made into something so destructive. He was sure her mind was running like mad, still not understanding some things.

**

A few moments after Clint was helped off the floor, the group disbanded, allowing Y/N to return to her room as Steve and Bucky literally threw themselves on the couches on their floor. They remained silent for a while, trying, but failing to understand everything they just learned of the girl. 

“The information she holds is very, very important. We can do so much with her help.”

Bucky didn’t respond and that surprised Steve. Steve sat up on the couch so he could see his friend. 

“What?” Steve asked and watched as it looked like Bucky struggled to look at him.

“I do-I don’t remember her…But I swear.” He paused and inhaled sharply. “I remember the sound of her screaming. I’d be in the room, waiting for my next orders, and you could hear screams echoing down the hallway…for years, Steve…it was the same scream, and I never knew who it was or what was happening…and now I do…and I just ca-can’t believe…and I don’t….”Bucky stopped, his hands were shaking and he could feel a cold sweat sticking to his skin. 

“Buck, stop.” Steve nearly pleaded. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but there’s nothing you could do about it. Now or back then. Our next step is continuing to protect her and, well.” He stopped and blew out a low whistle “I think she can handle herself. She has incredible information and she wants to take Hydra down just like us. And just like you, Buck, they took her life away, they harmed her and made her into something she never wanted to be. There’s still some things to figure out, but everything is well. We are in a good place, and honestly, I’m sure you’re the best person for her to talk to.”

Steve roughly threw him arm around Bucky’s shoulder and didn’t stop shaking him until the dark man cracked a small smile.

“I’m actually getting excited. There is much for us to learn and do…think about it, we are going to take down Hydra, something we’ve been trying to do for years.” That was an incredible understatement and Bucky actually laughed out loud, his low, hoarse chuckle making Steve’s cheeks lift, remembering the days where they would sit in a bar, at a small round table, drink, talk and laugh till the next morning. 

Things were different back then. It was the roaring 40’s, bright reds were everywhere, gals giggling, couples dancing to loud music that shocked the population. Clouds of cigarette smoke and short glasses of whiskey, jelled hair and men in uniforms. Girls with their hair pinned back, the fabric of their dress twirling as they spun under the lights. 

A totally different life, something they had lost and now missed, but they were okay, now, Steve convinced himself. He and Bucky were together after painfully being ripped apart. The Captain had his best friend and number one on the battlefield back. 

An incredibly special girl had come into their life and now, after understanding a huge portion of her mysterious past, she was able to give them almost unlimited information about the group they had been hunting for years. For the first time in a very, very long time, they had the upper hand.

“We can do this, bud.” Steve whispered to his friend and didn’t remove his eyes from Bucky until the man nodded. “Maybe, go see if Y/N is still up.” Steve tried. The Captain may have been oblivious to almost everything concerning girls, but he knew his Bucky and he had noticed the gentleness that radiated from the man when Y/N was around. The way his steel eyes followed her, the way his body always seemed to be facing her, like it was fighting itself to not fall into her.

At that, Bucky straightened, head snapping in the direction of the grinning blonde. “What are you implying, you punk?” Bucky nearly cursed, voice lifting in sound but tone still playful. 

Steve’s head tilted, “I mean, I see how you look at her and”-

“You’re about to get slapped.” Bucky’s voice deadpanned and Steve chuckled, understanding that this was still a bit too new for Bucky to confess. Maybe Bucky liked the girl, maybe he didn’t, which was a huge lie, but Bucky had to work this out himself and at a comfortable pace. 

“Night, bud.” Steve stood and patted Bucky’s shoulder, leaving the room with wiggling dark brows at the now pouting man on the couch. 

“Pain in my ass.” Bucky grumbled to himself in the now empty room. He sat back into the cushions and deeply exhaled. Now that Steve was gone and it was quiet, as usual, thoughts literally exploded through Bucky’s abused mind, to the point he flinched to the side. 

Maybe seeing if Y/N was still awake was a good idea, having someone sit with him in the dark as they barely watched TV sounded good.

Bucky pushed himself from the couch and went into his room to change into a pair of sweats and a new dark shirt. He walked down the dim hallway and stopped when he finally stood outside Y/N’s closed door. Suddenly, he felt nervous. Almost like the old, smooth, ladies’ man Bucky had been with him as he walked to her room, but now, as he stood there, almost swaying on his feet, considering bolting down the hallway and cowering in his room, he understood the inexperienced, anti-social Bucky was back.

Bucky licked at his lips and allowed his teeth to bite harshly into the side of his cheek. He lifted a hand to knock and stopped, turned on his heel, took a step but stopped when he heard a muffled sob. 

The restraint and fear he felt just seconds ago lifted from his skin, causing Bucky to open Y/N’s door, take a few rushed, unsteady steps into Y/N’s dark room and frantically look around, dark hair brushing his cheeks as his head turned side to side.

He couldn’t see her, but he could hear her. Her broken sobs and little whimpers.

“Y/N?” His soft voice questioned and the sobs immediately stopped and it wasn’t till Bucky’s eyes narrowed did he see Y/N sitting in the corner of the room with her legs pulled to her chest, head lifted and staring at Bucky, body frozen with the shame of being caught, her weakness visible.

She stood on shaking legs, arms tight to her side. “Hey, I uh.” She breathed and interrupted herself, a hand lifting to wipe off the moisture from her still trembling cheeks. “I’m-I’m good, I’m just gonna…”She trailed off again and found she was having a hard time looking at him, she felt so vulnerable.

She heard the soft patter of his socked feet making their way closer to her over the carpet and when she looked up, Bucky was right in front of her, their chests almost touching. He hunched his large, broad shoulders, neck bending so he could be at her level. His flesh hand lifted and tilted her chin up so she would look at him.

His dark eyes took her in. She looked tired, shoulders slumped, like a small breeze could take her down, but it was her face, her eyes.

They shined with the threat of fresh tears, red and rubbed raw with the evidence of many old tears. Her bottom lip trembled and her throat bobbled as she tried to swallow the little sobs that shook her chest.

Bucky opened his mouth with the intentions of calming her down, but instead, he opened his arms for her and waited, finding Y/N didn’t hesitate to let herself crash into him. Body relaxing into his chest. She buried her face into his neck and inhaled, eyes fluttering shut as the smell of Bucky filled her senses. He smelt strong and warm but soft at the same time. She tilted her head and smelled the freshness of his shirt, the clean cotton and the softness of the fabric.

Bucky’s arms remained tight around her shoulders and Y/N sank further into him as the coolness of his metal arm could be felt through her shirt.

Y/N felt wonderful, warm, protected…safe, but she was still so sad, and scared. She sniffled and Bucky took a tighter hold on her, lifting a hand to the back of her neck and holding her to him. His fingers feathered through her loose hair and at the unusual, continued softness of him, Y/N broke, understanding how helpless she was. 

She cried into him and Bucky cringed with each hiccup, hating the way he felt her body jump with each sob against his chest. He rested his chin on the top of her head and closed his eyes as he began to slowly rock her side to side.

Her hands lifted and took fistfuls of his shirt and the harder she cried, the angrier she became.

Y/N began to mumble and rant, but with the commotion of her crying, Bucky couldn’t understand anything. 

Finally, she pulled herself away from Bucky’s grasp and began to scream as she tore around her room, pulling out and throwing the things she had brought from her apartment. 

“It’s not real! It was never fucking real! Made up, fake!” She took a picture frame with a picture of a couple that was supposed to be her parents and chugged it against the wall, the glass shattering and falling to the carpet in little pebbles and shards. “A life I lived for two years never belonged to me, people…things that were mine were just-just a figment of my imagination…I thought I had a family and a childhood home and memories…I didn’t have anything, I-I was created, an-and grandparents and…” She came to a sudden halt right at the top of her bed where a ‘special’ quilt set. “A home-made quilt…” She seethed, taking the fragile material in her hands, muscles clenching with the need to rip the fabric.

“Hey, hey…” Bucky stepped into her and took her hands in his, stopping her from tearing the blanket. “Don’t.” He cooed and watched as she fell back onto the bed, Bucky going with her, not releasing her hands. 

“Why not?” She cried. Voice lifting, looking up at Bucky with tears clouding her vision. “It was never special. It wasn’t made by my grandma…I-I thought I had memories with it, but those memories were created, placed into my head…It’s not real, none of it’s real.” Y/N continued to cry but the anger was back, harsher than before. “I don’t know who I am, James!” She screamed, yanking her hands from Bucky and retreating until her back pressed into the wall. “I have two very different lives inside of me and I don’t know how to act or what to say, nothing feels natural or right and my fucking mind won’t stop and I-I can’t br-breath….” She confessed, hands clutching at her chest as she shook her head in a dizzying speed. 

Bucky quickly approached her and gathered her hands in his flesh fist, his metal hand resting at the base of her throat, the coolness sinking into her skin.

“Y/N, breath.” He hushed and pulled her head closer to his chest, causing her to rest against the front of his shoulder. “Just think about breathing, in and out. It’s alright, I’ll sit with you and we’ll figure this out but let’s breath together right now, in and out.” Again, Bucky rocked her side to side, Y/N relaxing further and further into his chest and Bucky nearly burst at his tightly sewed seems when she nuzzled into him. 

He sat them down on the corner of her bed and continued to hold her. She had calmed down greatly and Bucky replayed her words in his head, understanding everything she had said.

“I don’t know who I’m supposed to be, either.” He confessed, his voice low and Y/N softly sighed when she could feel the rumble of his voice against her cheek. She lifted from his chest and looked up at him, her watering eyes inquiring. “I’ve been James Barnes, Sergeant Barnes, Bucky, The Winter Solider…I don’t know who I am now…a mixture of them? I don’t know how to get back to the old Bucky, the one Steve knew. I know he wants that man back…but, I don’t know where he is…”

Sadness laced Y/N’s face and Bucky bashfully smiled at the sorrow she always felt for him, even after knowing what he’s done. “Come on.” Bucky stood and softly took her hand. He lifted the almost destroyed quilt from the floor and handed it to her, watching as Y/N softly collected it in one arm, eyes asking Bucky to continue. “This may not hold old memories that are real. But now it’s time for you to make new memories with it. This was a comfort for you, Y/N. That makes it special.”

Y/N nodded once and held the quilt a bit tighter to her side. Bucky still held her hand and he began to pull her out of her dark, cold room and down the hallway. Usually, they would sit on the couch together, turn on the TV, mute it and relax in the flickering blue light on the couch. Instead, Bucky continued down the hallway and took Y/N took a door that led to a room she had never visited. Bucky’s room.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment! Thank you to those that always do!

Y/N’s heart was still racing, cheeks wet with fallen tears but she let Bucky pull her towards his room. He opened the door and stood to the side, letting Y/N enter first. It was dark, cold and smelled of mint and fresh cotton. Bucky stepped in with her, turned on a dim light then closed the door.

His room had the same layout at hers, expect the small couch that sat in the corner was burdened with discarded clothes. Y/N smiled at the sight, appreciating the little glimpse of Bucky that not many people saw.

Softly padding across the carpet, Bucky took a seat on his bed and pushed himself up till his back was pressed against the thick, wooden headboard. He called Y/N over to him with a pained smile and a soft pat to the mattress right next to him.

Her shoulders relaxed as she circled the bed and climbed up, sitting next to Bucky and pushing over till their shoulders were pressed together. He was so warm and soft, yet hard at the same time. He smelt good and the softness of his t-shirt beneath her damp cheek was enough to allow her to close her eyes and continue even breathing.   
Bucky slipped his flesh hand around Y/N’s back and held her close. He could still hear the little hiccups that she was trying to hide against his side, so he remained silent, letting her take deep breaths to calm herself down.

They sat for a few minutes till Y/N was no longer crying, her eyes were dry, breathing steady without the interruptions of a quick sniffle. Her skin had cooled but the lingering need to try and crawl out of it was still nagging at her. Her cheek was right against the front of Bucky’s shoulder; she could hear his heart beat as his chest lifted and fell with deep, calm breaths,

When he was sure the tears and little sniffles were gone, Bucky took in a deep breath and spoke, his voice a whisper but still deep, almost hoarse.

“I wanted to show you something.” His metal arm pushed out at an odd angle, doing his best to not jostle Y/N. He dug in the top draw of the little table that sat next to the bed and pulled out a black, leather journal. He placed it on his lap and without a word, both Bucky and Y/N looked at it.

The leather was worn and it was easy to see the book was well loved and trusted. The corners were soft and rounded, the right side flipping up a bit, probably where Bucky always pulled to open it. 

Y/N’s gaze lifted and she looked at Bucky, noticing how hurt he looked. Human. Vulnerable. She let him work at his own pace and in a few minutes, he continued.   
“I’ve been writing for the past two years. Things I remember…mostly things I’m scared to forget.” He opened the journal and began to flip through the pages. Y/N could see the sprawled writing, some words bolded while others looked so harsh, the pen digging into the paper to the point the paper ripped.

Further into the book, she could see pages sticking out, whether it be a pamphlet or a napkin from his favorite diner right down the street. He stopped at a certain page and Y/N looked at the flower that was drown in the corner, the soft petals and delicate curving lines taking up the entire left side of the page.

“This was the day I met you…” He trailed and swallowed deeply. “I didn’t want to forget you.” The words seemed to be for him only but Y/N heard and hid the blush that covered her cheeks into Bucky’s shoulders, not interrupting but letting him sort out his thoughts. He was still struggling. “I write what I can remember from the past, because…it’s like I’m trying to be that person again. The one that Steve misses…” His dark brows furrowed, head shaking side to side. “But I don’t know who James Barnes is anymore, I don’t know who Bucky is, or who Sergeant Barnes is and…” He could have kept going but he cut himself off because he did have a point he wanted to make. He looked down at Y/N and saw her staring up at him, eyes wide and glassy, filled with tears; tears for him as she clutched to his arm. 

“You say you don’t know who you are, but now is the time to be who you want to be, regardless of what’s expected or what your past held. You can make your own memories now.” There was such hope in Bucky’s voice, hope for Y/N, but she found herself sitting up straight and shifting down the bed and turning so she could face Bucky.

“You know, those words apply to you too, Bucky?” She took his hand, digits tracing his long, calloused fingers as she stared into his steel, blue eyes. Eyes that looked so sad.

It was almost immediate, a short, little whisper. “No.”

Y/N’s face contorted, her hand lifting to brush the top his cheek. “Why?”

“People like me don’t deserve second chances.”

“People like you?”

“Monsters.”

It was such an ugly word and Y/N recoiled from it.

“No. Bucky, I know you’ve heard it before…but what were you supposed to do? They manipulated you, stripped you of yourself. Yes, they forced you to do horrible things, but that doesn’t make you a monster and it certainly doesn’t mean you deserve anything good.” She took hold of both hands now, holding tighter when Bucky tried to pry his metal limb from her grasp. “And you can’t be a monster.” She stops and rubs a hand softly across the pages of memories and stories he loves. “Monsters don’t feel guilt, they don’t hold onto things they love, they don’t protect their best friend and they absolutely don’t keep an eye on a foolish girl that takes walks at midnight.” She joked and watched Bucky smile at the memory of their first meeting.

“You aren’t a foolish girl.”

“I don’t know who I am,” She hummed, her eyes following the curve of his jaw. “I remember the first time I saw you.” She started and looked back at the flower again, studying the soft lines and how delicate the petals looked. Bucky flinched at her words, knowing he wasn’t very nice to her when they first met. “I loved your voice, I wanted you to keep talking to me. I was scared of you,” She admitted and Bucky’s head lowered even further with understanding. “But I also wanted to take your face in my hands and tell you everything would be alright. I could tell you were strong, dangerous…but your eyes, they were sad, hurt. They still are. But!” She exclaimed and pushed herself up onto her knees, her hands still holding tight to Bucky. “Like you said…now is the time to start creating new memories, to be who you want to be…where do you think that starts?”  
Y/N watched his face. Watching how his gaze slowly lifted from his lap to her face, noticing how he licked his lips before whispering his next words.

“With you.”

Y/N’s chin tilted down, neck leaning in, afraid she heard him incorrectly. “Me?”

Bucky nodded and let his hand trail up her arm and to the back of her neck. He leaned in closer and Y/N felt the air freeze in her throat.

As soon as their lips brushed together, Y/N brought in a shuddering breath. Her eyes fluttered shut, hands moved themselves to Bucky’s broad shoulders, a small whimper leaving her parted lips when Bucky’s flesh hand took a hold of her hip and pulled her onto his lap, their lips dancing with desperation and need.

Y/N broke and lunged into him, her lips pressing into his with such want it tore a groan from Bucky’s chest. She straddled him, her legs locking onto his waist as she sat back on his sturdy thighs. She took hold of his metal hand and wrapped it around her waist, her hips bucking into his when his right hand squeezed the back of her thigh.

A hand tangled in his hair while the other took a hold of his t-shirt, afraid to let him go.

Afraid to float away and lose herself even more.

It’s when both hands began to slide under Bucky’s shirt, that he froze. He softly placed his palms on her shoulders and pushed her back at a safe distance. He took in a deep, quivering breath and looked up at her. 

The desperation and rejection on her face hurt him but he shook his head, a hand lifting so he could rub his thumb across her already swollen bottom lip. “I shouldn’t hav-I’m sorry.” He apologized, he didn’t want to stop but he couldn’t do that to her. She was confused about herself, possibly lost and desperately scrambling for something real, because she wasn’t sure what was real within herself.

The look on Bucky’s face told Y/N everything she needed to know, and almost instantly, she was embarrassed, possibly ashamed for throwing herself at him, almost wanting to beg him for some affection. She flinched and Bucky could see she was seconds from tears.

“Hey, now.” He took a hold of the side of her face and anchored her to him, making sure she couldn’t jump off his lap and hide away in her room. He never had to do this before, even back in the 40’s when girls were literally throwing themselves at him. He stumbled. “I don’t want to rush, o-or push you and I”-

It was Y/N’s turn to settle him down. “I understand,” She smiled and relaxed under his touch, loving the way his thighs felt pushed against her. A brow twitched. “You’ve still got some swagger in you, Barnes.” She chuckled and turned her hips so she could settle at his side.

His chest bounced with a laugh as he threw an arm around her shoulders, pulling him into her. He took the abandoned journal and stuffed it back into the draw and turned back to Y/N.

It felt like his body was stuttering. He wanted to grab her and pull her back onto his lap and kiss the breath from her lungs…he also wanted to tell her to go and run as far away as possible. It was such an odd feeling, pushing and pulling. He shifted down in the bed and turned into Y/N, doing his best to nuzzle his face into her neck.

In a few short moments, Y/N was cuddled into Bucky’s mattress, his head resting against her chest, eyes already closed and half asleep as Y/N’s fingers trailed through his dark locks. 

There was much to talk about. Like their past, Hydra and what their jobs once were…that they were to be a team set to destroy the world…but now, they just wanted to rest. To be just Bucky and Y/N; not created soldiers. 

**

Y/N woke with a start and almost panicked when she felt the weight on her chest. Her heart lunged to her throat but when a hand lowered and rested against a broad shoulder, the knowledge that it was Bucky pushed air into her lungs.

She felt disturbed. Sick. Her skin was growing hotter by the second as restlessness began to invade her bones. She had to move.

Her hips lifted and moved to the side, doing her best to shimmy out from beneath Bucky and his large body. The minute she stood, she already missed his body heat and the firm pressure and comfort he provided. She was ready to bury herself back under him but a wave of sickness pushed at her stomach and made her feet move. She left Bucky’s room, softly closing the door behind her and going to her own bathroom, her hands already ripping the clothes from her body.

She turned the water on and submerged herself under the hot spray, her skin turning a bright shade of pink.

It was a nightmare, she knew. But she couldn’t remember what it was. All she could remember was the sounds of screaming, her screams. A hand rubbed at her throat, knowing that even though, it was a nightmare, it was a memory as well- something she had lived through. 

After the quick, hot shower, Y/N dressed and slid into her own bed, eyes staring up at the ceiling. She was tired. So tired, but every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was a cement room, her blood littering the ground. 

So she took in a deep breath and closed her eyes, focusing on breathing in and out, counting each intake and inhale, and when she got to the number twelve, the scenes began to flash.

Her knuckles being whipped to the bone, only for her body to heal and start the process of punishment all over again. Her blood staining the yellow of pencils she held as she drew maps or sketched a rough draft of a satellite. Strong hands poking and groping her as she was forced down the hallway to her cell, men yelling at her and laughing at her severe misfortune. Being taken by the hair and backhanded till she could no longer see straight.

From down the hall, Steve could hear screaming, and for just a second, he thought it was Bucky until he sat up and really listened. It was Y/N.

Steve shoved his door open and ran down the hall, his bare feet slapping against the hard wood and skidding to a halt at her door. He pushes into the room and looks in, nearly being knocked over when Bucky crashed into the room, dark hair all over the place, eyes searching around with desperation. 

Steve didn’t wait, he climbed onto Y/N’s bed and placed a hand on her shoulder, softly squeezing and whooshing out a breath when he was suddenly on the ground, a hand firmly around his throat as Y/N crouched over him, her eyes wild and feral.

“Hey, hey, Y/N.” Bucky hushes and steps slowly further into the room, hands lifted in surrender. “It’s alright.”

Y/N looks down at the shocked Steve, his chest not even lifting with breath, frightened to make the wrong move and scare the confused girl further. 

Y/N’s shoulders slump, the hand around Steve’s throat withdrawing. Her head falls forward and she sighs. “Fuck….” She takes in a deep breath. “I-I’m sorry, Steve.” She falls back on her bottom and rubs harshly at her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Steve sits up and takes in her defeated form then watched how her head lifts, eyes searching for Bucky. It looks like she’s ready to burst into tears and Bucky notices, immediately settling at her side and taking her hand.

“What’s going on?” Steve whispers. He knew Y/N would struggle with all the new information, he knew it would be overbearing, but it looked like she was about to start pacing the room. 

“We need to move faster. I’m ready to start telling all the information I know. I think it’s time to start taking out satellites and safe houses and camps. I-I feel like I can’t wait anymore.” Y/N’s head shook, eyes rapidly blinking. It was becoming too much. Her own memories seemed like punishments and she couldn’t continue to sit around when she had all the information that was needed to destroy Hydra. “I can draw you maps, I can give coordinates...names.”

“When do you want to start?” Steve questioned and licked his lips in anticipation; he knew a huge fight was just ahead of them. Y/N’s voice lowered, gaze burning through her lashes. 

“Tomorrow.”


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those that comment and leave kuddos!  
> Of course, any areas or places mentioned I do not own, just using their locations.  
> Please let me know what you think!

“Tomorrow?” Steve’s dark brows shot up, chin tilting down. He cringed. “…Y/N, I don’t know if we’re ready for that.” 

Y/N’s eyes shut and she let out a shuddering breathing; what he was trying to say, was he didn’t think Y/N was ready for that. He was such a captain, such a great leader, always keeping an eye on everyone around him, but Y/N couldn’t wait.

“I’m not asking for an attack tomorrow, I’m asking for us to start planning.” And planning was a must, there were many things the Avengers and SHIELD didn’t know about Hydra, but Y/N did and she knew what was needed to take the terrorist group down. 

Steve remained silent but watched Y/N. She still looked scared, entirely fearful, but there was pure rage and determination visible on her face, and that he understood. Not only would he be fighting for Y/N; he’d be fighting for Bucky and the entire world, as well. To deter and tear apart a group that was capable of destroying the earth.

Steve’s head nodded, his voice a whisper. “Okay.”

“Where do you think we start?” Buck spoke, taking a seat next to Y/N and across from Steve on the floor, his metal finger digging into the carpet beneath them. 

That was the hard part, it seemed there were so many things to take into consideration, that a starting point was not clear. “Well,” Y/N blew out a breath and scratched at the back of her neck, her right hand still held in Bucky’s grasp. “Mapping locations. We need to be aware of all the bases and camps, there are hundreds around the states…I think we should take out the most significant starting with the east coast before venturing further.”

“And you know where these heavy bases are, right?” Y/N confirmed Steve’s words with a stiff nod. “Are we intending on hitting the bases with the most ammunition or soldiers first?”

“Artillery,” Y/N decided, it was hard to admit, but the talk of tactics and militarist planning was making a warmth circle her chest. She was trained violently, horribly so, but she couldn’t deny that she seemed to find a home, a comfort within the violence, of being in a state of war. It was such a rush and in the first time, in the last two years, she felt her trigger finger flexing against Bucky’s palm. 

Bucky squeezed back but urged her to continue. “Weapons,” She reinstated, “Once word of attacks on Hydra bases starts to seep out, bases will militarize, they’ll start to build up in preparation of total war.”

Bucky took in a sharp breath at her words, at her knowledge. A brightness colored his cheeks and he squirmed at the power and force that radiated from her. 

“Do you wanna call a meeting or do this in the morning?” Y/N asked when Steve rubbed at his eyes. The soldier smiled at her and sent a tired nod.

“Morning is fine.” He agreed and stood, then reached both hands down to help Y/N and Bucky up. “Bright and early, kids.” He called and walked out of the room.  
With a soft kiss to the back of Y/N’s hand, Bucky released her and began to leave the room.

“Wh-where are you going?” Y/N asked, almost frantic feet following him. 

“To bed.” He turned in the doorway, his hand resting on the knob. 

‘Please ask me to stay, please ask me to stay.’ Began to course through his head. He wasn’t entirely sure where they were in their relationship, so he wasn’t sure what was next. 

“Oh, um, would you stay here with me…?” Her voice lifted with question and hope, eyes squinting as she studied him, wishing to not see rejection for the second time that night.  
Bucky could have sprinted further into her room and jumped on her bed, but instead, he smiled and nodded, turning and closing the door softly behind him.

Silently, they both climbed into bed, Y/N pulling her quilt up around her shoulders and onto Bucky’s chest. He stayed on his back, his metal arm stretched out and waiting for her to bury herself into his chest before slotting his arm around her.

She nuzzled her nose into his shoulder, her chest pressed firmly against his side. She couldn’t get enough of the feel of him. He was so warm and firm, the texture of his soft cotton shirt against her skin made her eyes flutter shut.

Bucky’s arm tightened around her shoulders and he let his right hand rest against her arm.

“How are you feeling about tomorrow?” He asked, his voice a low hush in the dark room. Y/N propped herself up on Bucky’s chest so she could look down at him. Her hair brushed forward and without hesitation and happy to do so, Bucky pushed the thick strands away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. 

He watched her consider her next words. “Is it wrong to say I’m kinda excited?” Her face pinched. “Well, I wouldn’t say excited…maybe, just ready. I feel like a fire’s been lit under my ass and I’m ready to go.”

“It’s gonna be big.” Bucky’s dark eyes scanned her face and she nodded with agreement. She folded her arms under her chin and rested them against his chest.

“It is, but it’s needed. They can’t keep hurting people, and they’ve been doing it for a long time.”

They both understood that on a very, dark, personal level. 

“Tomorrow we can sit with everyone and start planning raids. I’m sure there’s a lot of information we can gather.”

Y/N’s brow lifted and she almost scoffed. “Whatever they’ve been doing for the past two years, I have no idea about. Which means they could always have a clever surprise for us. Who do you think will be involved and coming with us?”

She was certain the team would be going, but would Steve or SHIELD be looking to recruit anyone else?

“Us,” He started, speaking of the Avengers and those that resided in the building. “Maybe this would be a good time to get in contact with Thor.”

“Thor?” Y/N eyes widened and a little grin covered her face. She knew who the man was. A god. Incredibly powerful, but she had never met him, only researched. 

“Apparently, he’s been having some trouble at home so he hasn’t been around.” An unimpressed brow lifted, along with quick, harmless taunt. “Usually, he’s around the building, constantly eating pop tarts and drinking coffee. He loves those two ‘grand creations’.” Bucky quoted and mocked, earning a quick giggle from Y/N. He stills at the feeling of her bouncing against him, with that, he shallows his breathing so he can feel the rise and fall over her chest against his. “Who else do you have in mind?”

“Oh, no one.” A hand waved and Bucky quietly inhaled when she moved her hips against him, unknowingly setting his skin on fire. “I always wondered about other people who did what we do. I’ve researched hundreds of people, and there were always a few I wanted to meet.”

“Really?” Bucky’s tone lifted and he smiled at the conversation. It seemed that the little kiss they shared earlier in the night may have knocked down a few barriers, making it easier to talk and connect. “Who, and why?”

A cute, meek smiled covered Y/N’s face. “Don’t tell him this, but Steve. The more I read about him, the more I wanted to be like him. I was stuck in a room of Hydra’s, doing their work by looking up and locating those that had special abilities or talents. I was…”She hesitated but stressed her words. “I was feeling myself getting lost, turning into something Hydra was training me to be. But I would read about Steve, about the good he’s done and continues to do. I wanted to be like him; good... I wanted to be ‘like’ him, but I found someone that I was just like.”

Bucky’s dark brows furrowed, his left hand sliding up her back to rest right between her shoulders. “Who’s that?”

Y/N let out a breath and pursed her lips. “Frank Castle.” 

“The Punisher.”

Y/N nodded in confirmation. “I’ve always wanted to meet him…on the same side, of course. I understand him. I understand why he does what he does; taking the life of those that deserve it. It’s kinda hard to admit it,” Her face changes from wonder to a disturbing frown. “But, as I was getting my ass kicked, the only thing I could think about, was what I was going to do to them when I got out. “

As soon as those words left her mouth, Y/N cringed, her eyes quickly taking in Bucky to see if he was repulsed; he wasn’t, because he understood.

“Does that make me a bad person? To want to be like Steve Rogers but find you are actually Frank Castle, and liking it?” She didn’t just like it. She needed it. Accepted it. That the vengeance she felt towards certain people was encompassing. Little tears clouded her eyes and immediately Bucky took her face between his palms, his head shaking. 

“No. No, you aren’t bad, at all.” His blue eyes bore into her, his thumb rubbing at her bottom lip. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting justice, or punishment…that’s what makes you human, Y/N.”

Her head heavily dropped to Bucky’s chest and she groaned, her hands taking fistfuls of his shirt.

“And, Frank isn’t a bad guy, either. He just, kinda does things his own way.”

“You know him?” Y/N’s head shot up and she sent a small smile, watching as Bucky grinned. 

“We’ve had a few conversations…he’s also elbowed me in the nose before.” Bucky laughed out loud at the look on Y/N’s face. Her eyes huge, mouth hanging wide open, but he could see her cheeks curving with a smile. “But then again, who hasn’t Frank Castle elbowed in the nose?” Bucky shrugged from beneath Y/N and broke out into a laugh with her. “Really, he’s not bad, give him a cup of coffee and you’d have a nice conversation with him.” 

“You think he would help us with what were about to get into?”

Again, Bucky’s brows lifted with consideration. “Hydra is a criminal cartel, and Frank hates that shit…the hard part would be tracking him down.”

Y/N’s head shook, it was just wishful thinking on her part. She shifted her hips and pulled her legs up so she could sit right at Bucky’s hip. She took his metal arm in her grasp and rested the heavy limb across her lap. Her nimble fingers began to trace the metal, dipping with the grooves and curves, fingering the plates and tapping her nail against the smooth part.

Bucky watched her and he cursed himself for not being able to feel her. All he could feel was the pressure, not the warmth or softness of her skin, or the tickle of her fingers softly trailing up the metal.

“I think I know why I like your arm so much.” She brushed her knuckles on the metal and felt Bucky squeeze the tip of her index finger. “They trained me to be a militaristic engineer. I built many things, drew blue prints. And I actually enjoyed it; machines, cogs and gears. Seeing things work and work well. That’s also why I think I liked being in Tony’s lab so much. But this,” She lifted his arm, wrapping both hands around it. “Is an incredible piece of work. It’s also an incredible piece of you.”

“It’s done a lot of damage…”Bucky mumbled but Y/N wouldn’t accept that.

“I’m not scared of it. I’m not scared of you.” With that, she licked at her dry lips and pushed up onto her knees so she could get closer to Bucky. She pressed a small, sweet kiss to his cheek, the feel of his stumble rough on her lips. Bucky’s eyes fluttered shut but he turned towards her, his lips nearly brushing her jaw. She could feel his warm breath fan over her cheek and instead of sitting back by his hip, she leaned back just a bit so she could look at him. She smiled, understanding he didn’t want that yet but she shuddered when Bucky placed his flesh hand on the back of her neck and pulled her into him, their lips meeting in a desperate fashion. His metal arm wrapped around her waist and lowered her even closer to him so he was able to turn his shoulders and roll, soon leaning over her, their lips still dancing. 

Buck pushed in deep, sucking softly on her bottom lip before pulling away with a slight groan. “I’m sorry.” He leaned away so he was no longer hovering over her but that was all she wanted; for every sense to be clouded by Bucky.

“Why?” Her voice come out in a sweet whisper, her fingers aching with the want to grab him and pull him back to her. She felt like she was experiencing a different side of Bucky. He was talking to her more, sharing information. It was obvious he was comfortable with her, but maybe he just wasn’t comfortable enough to go ‘there’ with her. So, she backed off and softly patted the side of his cheek, letting him know he didn’t need to answer her question. 

With a very grateful yet shy, almost embarrassed smile, Bucky nodded and lowered his head onto her chest, sighing when her hands found their home in his hair, pulling at the dark strands. 

As Bucky drifted off, his breathing slowing into even breaths, Y/N stared up at the ceiling, her mind moving at a harsh pace.

Tomorrow, everything would begin. The plans of finally attacking Hydra and making a difference was going to start, and she wouldn’t settle for anything less. She wanted to see progression. Wanted to see thoughts and ideas turn into solid, doable attacks with dates and times.

She could feel it. Like she was ready to burst out of her skin. Codes, maths, faces and names, weapons and satellites, locations and the need to hold a gun in her right hand was swarming before her eyes.

Y/N took in a deep breath and let her eyes shut, frowning when an anxiety filled her stomach.

**

Everyone crowded in the glassed in lab, sitting and watching as a wealth of knowledge and information spilled from Y/N. It was incredible, shocking yet so satisfying to learn the workings of Hydra. 

“Just like island hopping, WWII.” Her head shook, taking in the faces of those that sat before her. “There are many, many bases,” She stressed. “But we need to take out the biggest ones. Those that hold artillery, I think should be first along with us destroying satellites to interrupt and close off communication between the groups so they are unaware of what’s happening to fellow bases and camps.” 

“Uh, wow, okay.” Tony breathed, dark eyes wide and still having a hard time believing these words were coming for a girl who got pegged in the face by a tennis ball and attached magnets to Bucky’s arms…it was clear she was no longer a helpless, young girl. “If you’re able to give me locations of satellites I can start to break them apart. Also, blue prints of buildings and camps along with the latitude and longitudes would be helpful.”

“Luckily for you, Stark, I’ve got that all stored.” Y/N smiled and tapped at her temple. 

“Did they ever wipe you?” Natasha asked and immediately, a cold slipped across the room. She didn’t mean it, but the redhead always had a way of being so brash and blunt. 

“Why would they?” Y/N asked. “One of my greatest weapons…threats, is the knowledge I have of Hydra…my mind is what they were training; sure I excel with any type of weapon and hand to hand combat, but up here.” She tapped at her head again, “Is where it’s all at.” 

Bucky looked on with pride, he understood how easy it was to fall prey to Natasha and her not so timely questions. 

“And where do you think we should hit first?” Sam asked and stood, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, his long legs taking him over to the computer Tony currently sat at.

“That’s what we need to decide on. New Jersey has a significant base, just east of Eatontown, right by the water.” Y/N supplied and looked over to the captain.

“Water.” Steve confirmed. “Ensures weapons and trade.”

“They’re stocked. ”Y/N’s eyes grew with a quick nod. She got up and stood next to Sam right behind Tony watching as his fingers flew over the keys only to bring up a map of the coast of New Jersey. “There.” Her finger pointed to the screen and everyone crowded around her. Tony zoomed in on the map. “There’s also a helipad, just another way for them to get supplies and men. But the water is probably the best way for us to get in. Leads straight to a cellar like area that contains the heavier machinery. I bet there’s a few bombs down there that I could take apart before we head up to higher levels.”

“What’s the area like?” Steve questioned and trailed his finger over the screen pointing to the surrounding area which looked to be all green.

“Well,” Y/N started, her head tilting side to side with a small frown. “It’s Wolfkill Park, supposedly a recreation area, wildlife, camping, but just past a dozen yards of trees, lies the building. People truly don’t understand how close they are to a Hydra base full of weapons when they’re taking their kid to the stream to go fishing.” Venom slipped from her voice as she felt her skin start to grow hot.

Clint blew out a low whistle, “Now how do we get in there, you said through the water, but are we intending on taking a boat in as close as possible or what?”

Y/N smiled at the no-nonsense of Clint and pointed to another area of the screen. “Right here, this bridge. To the north of it, is just water, but to the immediate south, is Hydra territory. We could jump right off that bridge and wade in.”

“I’m going to do my best to take out communications and radios before this, we don’t want anything happening and them being able to radio out to others.” Tony added and Y/N agreed.

“What about the layout of the building?” Bruce asked and Y/N smiled at his soft tone.

“May I” Y/N lifted a hand to Tony, and as if it was his pleasure to allow Y/N to hack away on his computer, the Iron Man stood and pulled out the chair for her, standing behind her when she began.

Her fingers moved over the keys, occasionally stopping to read what popped up onto the page only to overwrite a demand and break through a firewall, gaining easy access to Hydra files. 

Soon, blue prints of levels, rooms and stairways flooded the TV screens around the room, showing the team every possible entrance and exit along with windows and doorways.  
Tony’s dark brow lifted, impressed and even though she tried, Natasha bit her lip to keep the awe-struck look from her face. 

“When are we doing this?” Y/N asked, turning in the chair and looking around, specifically at Steve. 

“Give us two days to review these prints and get the equipment we need.”

"What about any type of security or surveillance? Obviously, we can't have them see us on the bridge." Wanda's soft voice echoed around the room, her speaking for the first time.

"This a base for weapons trade, all there is, is a camera that maybe Clint can take out, or we can find a way to loop the footage." Y/N added and looked at Bucky, wishing he would speak so she could hear his voice. "I don't see much resistance." 

"Maybe we could track their trade, see if they have any type of shipment we can piggy back on." Steve suggested and caught Y/N's eye, sending a smile.

Y/N nodded and turned back to the screen, feeling her trigger finger itch again.

**

The following day consisted of everyone spending a lot of time in the lab, together. Going over the prints and discussing different techniques. Do they break up? Leave someone with Y/N in the cellar as she takes apart the bombs as others break into groups of two or three and begin to storm the upper levels? Will Tony and Vision close up the perimeter as Clint uses his bow to snipe away at those that get near the exits? What about Bruce and the big green guy?

So many ideas were flowing around the room, but Y/N was so happy to see everyone talking to each other and trying to form a solid plan. It was teamwork at its finest, constant conversation and praising at other’s ideas. 

Soon, actually in an impressive amount of time, Y/N and the Avengers had an impeccable plan…only for it to fall into play early in the morning.


	19. Oh my

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holy poop, I may be continuing this...let me know what you all think

I've been thinking about this a lot, and I may continue writing and posting.


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